me & cedar at a coffee shop, taken by boho boy
Tonight I am sitting upstairs with the lights dimmed. My desk is lit by the white tea light I placed in a mason jar. My ear phones are snug against my ears playing music so I can tune out the world and breathe deep breaths while my husband feeds our son downstairs. I am learning that these earphones are my friends because I find it extremely hard to separate myself from what is going on down there. If I don't have them on, I run downstairs over and over to hold my son when I hear him cry or help my husband out...even though this is my designated "me" time, which is only possible for me to have a few days a week. My husband suggested the ear phones and I thought "how brilliant!". He really does need his alone time with his son, without him feeling like I am crowding in on his bonding. This time is healthy for all three of us, really, for different reasons.
I haven't shared much on my blog about the long road of digestive issues we've been traveling with boho baby. Since day one, we have seen him struggle with digestion whether it was the breast milk we tried in the beginning or the plethora of formulas made for sensitive babies, he struggled through each feeding in various ways. Some days better than others but we knew even on those days, he was in pain. I won't go into detail because at this time I am feeling tender about it and not strong enough to rehash it all but yesterday...FINALLY yesterday, we got a diagnosis that makes perfect sense. He has GERD (infant acid reflux) and we are now on a treatment plan that our dear doctor gave us. We've also researched everything holistic and western in regards to this and are on top of all of the latest remedies.
More than anything it just feels good to have some answers. When I went down the long list of symptoms it was so clear that this is what he had. So many days I held him in tears. So many hours of feeling helpless and heart broken seeing him wince in pain. So many sleepless nights and days holding and rocking and soothing and whispering in his ears promises that we will do everything in our might to take this away from him. Now we finally feel a wee bit more in control of how we can help him.
So the couches and beds are loaded up with pillows to keep him propped up wherever he may be. The kitchen is full of herbal tinctures and medicine. It is a lifestyle change for all of us but a welcoming one. We already see him smiling more. I am sure he senses the relief we feel.
I have no idea what it is like to care for a baby that feeds and then burps and then falls asleep simply. Feeding took hours because it was painful for him to eat. Burping was never easy because the gas always got stuck. And he could never sleep more than 10 minutes during the day and a few hours at a time during the night. But truly, this was all I ever knew. When he begins to improve, I can imagine my reserves will open even wider for the other parts of my life that I just couldn't find energy for.
Our days have been to just get through it as best as we can. It was all about the basics and making Cedar as comfortable as possible. And can I just say what a rockstar he is? Truly...through it all, he has been charming and flirty and smiley and fun, despite the pain he has been in. I cannot even imagine the fun that will be had now once he gets better.
Boho Boy took this photo of him during a peaceful moment at a coffee shop last Sunday. It was our first breakfast out as a family. It was a dream come true for the Boho Girl.
Please light your candles, say your prayers, do a dance, think good thoughts for our sweet son as he is on the road to wellness. My whole heart is wrapped around his healing right now.