This is Cedar's first time feeding himself brown rice cereal with a spoon. Check out how proud he is at the end. ; ) Yesterday he did this for the very first time during lunch.
Wanted to thank you for all of your kind emails about these videos and short posts while I am recouping from the flu. I look forward to sharing with you about my weekend in Portland with the dread goddess but need to create space for that when I am feeling more clear headed.
So many of you have asked me what type of music I always have in the background. We have this music channel called "Soundscapes" and it is very Zen. Cedar loves it and really soaks the gentle harmonies in.
We're cocooning a bit over here because Boho Boy and I have the sickies but this just brightened our day. Cedar loves the Laurie Berkner Band and this is one of our favorite songs. So cute...wanted to share. It always makes me teary and smile...all at once.
I feel a bit vulnerable about asking for some wisdom/advice from the masses about my child. People can have such strong opinions when it comes to the various ways to nurture/parent a child. So, I have been very gentle about sharing some things, as well as asking advice here in this space. In fact, in general, both Boho Boy and I have tried to listen to our child, our inner voice and intuition when it comes to Cedar and so far that feels very comfortable. There are so many conflicting ideas and philosophies that it can get quite overwhelming.
But, I feel as though I have been blessed with attracting such gentle, wise, wholesome individuals to this space and there is a trust I am beginning to feel with so many of my readers.
So, in my video I share a bit about what we've been going through in regards to Cedar and his eating habits, his sensitive digestion, etc. I also ask in the end for some wisdom, some shared stories about how any of you introduced more textured veggies and foods when dealing with particular food sensitivities.
Since my comments are now shut off, do email me if you would like to share your thoughts (email is on left sidebar).
This MacBook camera is way too fun. Cedar wanted to get in on it.
Thank you, Christianne for showing me how to turn off the screen so I don't have to stare at myself backwards while recording. ; ) I'll get the hang of it after a few tries!
Something else fun and exciting; I am on TwilightMOMS! Do enter for the giveaway if you'd like.
Yes, I am a TwiNERD, TwiGEEK or whatever you want to call it...and cannot wait to see the New Moon film, soon. So, this is such an honor for me (thank you, Georgia...love you and think its the coolest that you are such a celeb in the TwiWorld).
My husband brought home a MacBook a while ago and I only JUST got brave enough to play with the built in camera & iMovie yesterday. I keep cracking up at myself watching this. I just can't seem to focus on the teeny tiny black lens at the top of the laptop. I keep looking at the screen, which is like looking in a mirror and its hard NOT to watch when you're looking back at yourself in a flipped image. Super weird and crazy...but fun!
So, I think this is how I will do my vlogs now once I get the hang of looking at the lens. ; ) SO much easier than having to upload videos from another camera (and the lighting seems a wee more flattering...unless that is just because I am feeling better. i don't look as sallow and droopy faced as in other vlogs).
As I continue to surround myself with stuff that brings joy into my home, the blueness I've been feeling begins to lift. Even if just a little.
Cedar has been cutting a tooth up top...not so fun for him. Yet, I know he loves Reggae music and he always laughs when his momma is super silly and he loves our Gourd Shaker, so put all these things together and it puts an extra bounce in his step...
...and mine too.
I made this video for my family and now am sharing it with you. How can we not smile a wee bit when watching his graceful bounces? If you could see his feet, you would see they are pointed. My sister thinks he might be a dancer someday since he points his toes and sometimes does a little pirouette in his Merry Muscles.
Wish you could see his face too...smiling big with his two bottom teeth and top one peeking through and swollen gums.
I've done some pretty cheesy things on my blog in years past and today I am doing something perhaps the cheesiest. But you know...it is who I am and with this cheesiness comes bravery and stepping outside of my comfort zone and healing past wounds and not really putting energy into whether I look cool or not.
In fact, this brings me back to a post I wrote, I am guessing about three or so years ago, when I shared that I was dancing in my loft to a Rosie Thomas song and I felt empowered and free and beautiful in my skin. It had been months since I felt that way having been poked and prodded for fertility stuff and feeling disconnected from my feminine body. So, in order to show a visual of what I experienced, I took a series of photos of me dancing and put them together and posted it. As cheesy as it may have seemed to others, it was a turning point for me and not only was it that but it introduced me to one of my dearest friends for life in England. It was this post that inspired her to contact me and since, her and I have been close friends, each on our own little journeys reconnecting ourselves with our feminine spirits post grief.
Some of you that have been reading for a while know that when I was young and singing with a few friends (trying to sing in harmony), I was told by one of them I was tone deaf. I loved singing. Singing brought me so much joy. I never put too much thought into how good I was and I never entertained illusions of being a rock star but those four teeny tiny words "you are tone deaf" altered the way I'd feel about my voice for years and into the present. I still pursued music in school. I was in choir in high school. I led worship in church a few times. I sang at my high school graduation and bacheloriate. In college I was in a touring singing group for a semester. But even though music was a big part of my life, it always came with so many fears, anxieties and insecurities. I didn't want to leave it fully but it was oh so hard to be in it as I was dealing with the voice of that one girl..."you are tone deaf" every time I opened my mouth to sing a tune.
To this day, I have a very hard time singing around people (unless I am on stage...which is odd). My husband has only recently fully heard my voice because I sing to Cedar but I notice when he walks into the room when I am singing, my throat does that infamous close- up deal as a result of the still small meanie voice in my head..."don't forget...you are tone deaf."
Yesterday I received such a warm warm email from a blog reader. She referred to my current head space as a "season of blueness" and that really rang true in my heart. Perhaps because she attached a bit of romance to my blues, which I dig...because I am such a silly romantic.
I am in a season of blueness and so much of it has to do with how I am feeling physically. I am being gentle and patient with the process as my Naturopath and I take care of my body and learn what the roots are. There are a few other elements adding to my blueness, some layers that I am looking at and I may explore more here on my blog.
Recognizing my blueness has also made me aware of what truly does bring me joy in my life. It is those things I want to draw into my world so that I can be a more present wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. One of my joys is singing.
Yesterday, I did some dancing, today I did some singing. I wanted to record it...to document the movement in moods for me. I didn't know how else to do it but to record one of the favorite parts of my house...our windows lined with old vintage bottles we inherited from Boho Boy's late father.
What I find interesting is that towards the middle to end of the video, my legs start bouncing more and I begin to giggle and relax...even when I pause and totally forget the lyrics or how to sing them. I notice I am gentle with myself and that still small meanie voice in my head. In fact, I think I tossed that meanie voice out the window and embraced my cheesy self and way of singing.
So dear lovely blog world, I am sharing this moment with you. A brave, silly and meaningful moment. I don't care if I sound dreadful in parts and okay in other parts and I don't at all care that I sound far from perfect. What I care about is that I am caring less and living more and tapping into what brings me joy in my life.
The whole video is kind of cheesy...but also kind of sweet, I think. ; )
Cedar and I created this video ditty for Boho Boy's mother Birgit today (also known as Omi...pronounced Oomie...Grandma in German).
I promise a writing post soon. I've just realized that when I am tired and not feeling well, moving pictures are so much more simple to express what is going on in our home, our hearts these days!
For those of you that have sent such sweet supportive emails about our videos...THANK YOU...our family soaks up every morsel and we love sharing these moments with you.
I had this one cool reader of mine write to tell me that she was having a really tough day due to a grade for a nursing school exam not being what she expected. She shared that the videos of Cedar singing and us cuddling on the bed together warmed her from the inside out and shifted her perspective...easing her way into the rest of the day (thank you, R...). I am not sure if she truly understood how much this meant to me (although I told her but still...I wondered if she grasped it).
Its been hard feeling this way...not fully present in my body and mind and having a tough time expressing myself through words as a result. Writing is such a huge part of who I am and for that to not feel the same, well...you can imagine. So, of course some fears and insecurities have surfaced about me just sharing videos lately in this space and wondering if these moments in my life that I am sharing will have the same impact that my words do. Because what I put out into the world means something to me; my art, my words...and that need to know that somehow, somehow they will create positive change. Even if for one person. Its worth it and motivates and inspires me and humbles me to the core.
So that email was like a warm blanket of reassurance and so have the others been. Thank you...words are so powerful, both the kind and not so kind. Since I try to be a gentle and considerate communicator, I deeply appreciate and notice when others are as well.
Cedar is doing this new thing, starting more than month ago. He sings. He started doing it one time when I was singing to him and he was trying to follow me. Now he does it when he hears music or if someone sings at him, trying to get him to do it. Yesterday, he started doing it by himself right in the middle of eating his lunch (NPR was in the background). So I joined him. How cute is he with sweet potatoes smeared all over his mouth?
Right before putting on his jammies last night, I decided to show him how the Flip camera works. He is always grabbing it, looks at it and doesn't see the big deal. So, I layed down with him, recorded us and then played it back to him. He was instantly in love with the whole idea and wanted me to do it again and again...
Before I start recording a vlog, I always do a wee test to make sure the lighting is okay and the angle and what not. I usually do something silly...because well, it feels weird to do a test and be all serious. I never share them but this time I decided to show you my test run at the beginning of this vlog. Mainly because I ended it with saying "good thing I'm not showing this...". Omg...it made me laugh and I must be feeling brave!
When at my parents house this week, I created these videos for Boho Boy because we were missing him so, so much while away. One of the tough things about his work schedule is that he can't take these trips with me all of the time and he might miss a milestone or two. BUT thank goodness for our Flip, text messages/videos, this blog and email to keep our family connected despite the distance.
I wanted to share the cuteness, though I feel I need to put in a little disclaimer for my marmie's sake. Their house was a bit disheveled because she had four guests staying the night in their small home plus an explosion of baby toys. I know she might want me to tell you that, although at the time none of us noticed the mess as we were simply enjoying being together. Now that I am sharing these bits with the world, she might notice it more. ; )
The winner of one of Julia's gorgeous prints is "Coach BK"! How exciting! BK, do go to Julia's shop to choose your favorite print. You can get in touch with Julia by emailing her at juliafeh[at]yahoo[dot]com to let her know you are the chosen one. ; )
We so enjoyed reading all of your romantic and whimsical thoughts on Fall. Thank you for sharing and creating a warm and inviting atmosphere in this space. I am now craving hot cider while cuddled up in a sweater, hat and a scarf. *sigh*
I received this email from Julia tonight:
"After reading through all the beautiful and poetic comments people made about Fall, I decided I needed to put them together in some way. So, I went through all of them and highlighted words and phrases that jumped out at me and alas! a poem of sorts came through. Thought it might be fun to share with your readers (since they were the inspiration)."
I also wanted to leave you with some true blue Cedar giggles (above). I know you may be leaving this post without having received a gorgeous piece of art but, seriously...how can there be sadness when you watch this video? ; )
{the winners of my giveaways are chosen from the random number generator here. we leave it up to the magic of the universe as to who is supposed to receive these gifts.}
I guess I am all about videos this week. My dear friend Tammy (who helped us find our awesome birth parents and supported us throughout the adoption process) sent me this yesterday. LOVE them...love love them. Wanted to share the love. Check out all of the vids. They are the cutest and coolest and can lift any heart.
Final Piece from Amanda Bontecou on Vimeo. The lovely blond woman speaking in this video is my dear friend Letha. We grew up together. There was a time we were cuddled up close at her mother's house eating whatever was in the fridge and singing Kermit the Frog songs. So, when I see this it brings huge welling tears to my eyes.
I have always known she'd take her old soul wisdom, her artful ideas, her zest for creating change and do something huge. Something larger than life. Something most of us would be afraid to do. She is fearless.
I always knew she had this amazing quality about her...a quality that does not feel comfy with the norm. A heart that is not settled about a cause unless her hands are deeply rooted in it
I am so proud of her. So proud I could shout to the rooftops. So touched by what she has created in Uganda. So moved by the positive change she has inspired.
How cool is it that I can receive an email from her the other day asking my advice on what to wear to an event where she will speak in front of thousands of people in Ireland? She somehow, through it all...stays so grounded. Stays rooted in her relationships. Stays my friend...even when the life I lead feels so vastly different than hers in Uganda.
I love you, Leth...thank you for always helping me to feel that raising my child and living my dream of photography and writing is just as important as you raising up a village to help save children and their families in Uganda.
It feels so good to have known you when we wore training bras. ; )
