Sponsor GIVEaway ~ The Faerie Ring*

black eyed susans

Drucilla coming into my life at this time and space within my journey has been very healing and validating.  She is an other worldly soul sister that I am very honored to introduce you to.  I am longing for and so excited to take her ecourse that begins soon.  Here she talks about it and together we offer one of my readers a free precious spot...{details at the end of post}.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

I was so fortunate to find Denise through her beautiful blog and Soulsigh.  When I saw her face, her style of photography, her way of expressing herself, something in me. just. stopped.  And then slowly realized why ... I felt like she was kin.  I am so grateful that we've become friends, in awe of her radiant fae soul, and ecstatic to be featured here!  

I've been on a fae journey alongside her, even though we didn't know each other until recently!  For years, I explored alternative modes of spirituality (alternative to the Roman Catholicism I grew up with). I read everything I could find about the divine feminine and Earth-based spiritualities.  Still, nothing quite settled into my soul.  I hadn't found my home.  

horse messenger

At the same time, in my work in the world, I was struggling with my “Why.”  I didn’t feel like I was fulfilling my soul’s purpose in this life. I wanted to do something spirit-led like some of my mentors. I felt a calling, but hadn't discovered yet what that looked like.

Then one gorgeous Fall day, I was walking in the woods. I had been learning the basics of animal tracking and so I was trying to be quiet and still, to become one with the forest. Then, somehow, I entered into a different sort of space, of headspace. The best I can describe it is like a trance, full of stillness and sun and colours and trees and me…and the lines between us blurred and we all became infused with light.

I found my way back to the house as the sun was setting, and after I put the kettle on, I went to my bookshelves and unearthed a treasure my father had given me in 1978, Brian Froud’s big beautiful book of Faeries. I was once again a believer. Since then, I’ve become a student of Faerie. It has been important to me that the Faerie Faith is more of a path than a religion, so that I'm not entirely abandoning the religion of my recent ancestors.  

When my father passed away in April, the Fae were my respite; they held me up and brought me to light and beauty. I knew then that my purpose was to help others navigate the path toward Faerie. Inspired by Celtic folklore and intimately tied to the seasons, I created an e-course called...

The Faerie Ring.

The first group will begin in just a precious few days, on December 21, the Winter Solstice.  If this path calls to you too, I hope you will join me on this magical journey! 

I am also offering Denise's readers $10 off in my shop.  Just use the code : FAELOVE at checkout!

GIVEaway details:

To enter for a free spot in my course, do leave a comment on this post (one per person please).  Comments will be closed Thursday, December 19th at 10pm PST.  Winner will be announced on Friday, December 20th and will be contacted with details.

****************************

WINNER IS :: Lesley Austin!  Congrats Lesley.  Dru will be sending you details via email.

Drucilla Pettibone

Drucilla is in love with all things fae: the dawn and dusk, the deep woodland copse, the oak, ash and thorn, the mythology of the Celts, the shifting tides where the earth meets the water and all other betwixt and between places where one may catch a glimpse of the Otherworld.

Loving up our h*OM*e with Christmas*

Last Christmas I was inspired by blue and silver tones but this year, I am craving simple and clean and neutral tones.  I suppose it makes perfect sense that in a home full of deeply sensitive folk, that less stimulation, even in design, would feel soothing to our souls.  

I did want one burst of color and I chose to put it in my kitchen, which has shelves of colorful vintage kitchenware, so it was fitting...

It was such a sweet night with my boys and fur-babes decorating our tree.  Earlier we had driven all the way up to the mountains to get our tree at a tree farm but they were all closed early that night perhaps because the temperature dropped so low.  So, we decided to go to this darling independent nursery in town.  There was a gentle earthy soul who was so passionate about how to take good care of our tree and helped wrap it up tender up on our car.

I have such beautiful memories decorating our tree growing up with my sister and parents.  Helping my father detangle the lights and them sitting back and watching my sister and I place each ornament where we feel it belongs as the old classic Christmas songs echoed throughout our home.  So to witness my Cedar doing the same brought tears to my eyes. His joy brought it all back for me. 

Elvis & Salish having a little chat

Oh, and the night before we decorated a mini tree for Cedar's room.  I brought it home to surprise him and he nearly cried saying "Thank you for this gift!  I love this gift!" and he repeated that over and over as he decorated the tree with tiny ornaments.  He also did a little dance to Zooey Deschanel & Leon Redborn's "Baby Its Cold Outside".  He has great taste in music. ; )

The next morning someone woke up so delighted with our Christmasy house...

Salish puppy & Cedar

Victoria, British Columbia has our heart*

ferry in anacortes that will bring us to victoria

Every time the ferry approaches Victoria, I feel this vibration between me and the Island.  There is something about this place that wraps me up in all sorts of feelings of hOMe.  My husband feels the same and Cedar, well…as long as he is on a ferry, he is so open to where it takes him.  Ferries and the journeys they take, oh how they hold his heart.

When Cedar is excited, he talks a lot.  Like for hours. ; )  Deep conversation on the ferry.

We decided to spend Thanksgiving there.  Sort of a way to get away from the whirl that a holiday can bring, since its not Thanksgiving in Canada during ours.  The last few months have been full of visitors and visiting and as wonderful as it was to be with family, we were needing some time just us, where we could go along with our own rhythm in a place that feels so deeply familiar.

Carsten and I spent our honeymoon in Victoria, so it holds so much meaning for us and we have been every year since.  We talked about it being a tradition and we also talked about what it would be like to retire there, on a house boat…one of the ones that looks like a charming old house floating on the water.  They call it The Float Home Village (see link in last image below).

Its true when people say Vancouver Island feels like a bubble.  It does.  For us, it feels safe and cozy and away from negativity.  Even the news is positive.  Even the teenagers are polite.  The parks are full of families of all cultures.  

And the food.  Oh the food.  Finally a vacation place that caters to three people with various sensitivities and we can actually eat at one place.  Victoria is a mix of urban and sea and forest and country all within a short drive and the ferry ride there is so breathtaking.

I wanted to take you along with me, so here are some sweet moments from our trip...

the first yummy i always get is a triple-triple at Timmy's. such a treat!

Waking up slowly our first morning (well, every morning, really).

One of our favorite places to get coffee, hot chocolate and a yerba mate latte is Solstice Cafe.  Their live music on the weekends is always pretty rad.

Beacon Hill Park is gorgeous with friendly squirrels and lovely peacocks roaming free...a Children's Farm (only open during warm weather months) and a sweet playground.

One of my favorite places is Avalon at the Market Place...a gorgeous metaphysical shop.

Rebar has a delicious healthy menu and in beautiful Bastion Square downtown.

Loving this street in Bastion Square

The cool Fan Tan Alley that leads to funky shops downtown.

Cafe Bliss has delicious raw food and the best raw milkshakes.  Mmmmm. Affirmations all along each seat and on the walls.  Such a mindful place to be.

We took Cedar to the Martime Museum of BC downtown.  He has a fascination with the Titanic and one day I will write about his connection to it here.  But he was utterly stoked their was a picture of it here, as well as many models that looked similar.

Needing to rest from a long walk around the city

We took a horse drawn trolley around downtown.  It felt so deeply old fashioned and romantic.

We watched the lighting of the Parliament Building as both children and adult choirs sang Christmas music.  Cedar danced on the grass with a few little girls.  It was dreamy.

There is something about the Parliament building that always makes us want to kiss. ; )

A trip to the Royal BC Museum is always full of so much delight.  There was a "best wildlife photography" gallery that was stunning.

A surreal and lovely place to see is the Float Home Village at Fisherman's Wharf in Victoria.  Carsten and I talk about retiring in one of these homes one day.  

I forgot to get a picture of another favorite place to eat:  Ayo Eat Indonesian food.  Its in a sweet little corner of the Market Place.  The chef is a beautiful man with dreadlocks and a kind smile.  Reggae music plays as he whips up the BEST green curry on the planet.  So good that he once cooked for the Dalai Lama.  My husband and I groan with every bite.

beloved auntie dd*

My sister was visiting last week.  We laughed so much our tummies hurt much of the time and man, we really needed to laugh.  Not a lot of people see my goofy side but if it comes out around them, it means I feel extra safe or they somehow draw it out of me and my sister definitely draws it out (and feels extra safe too).

Back when Cedar was an infant, out of my husband's mouth came "Auntie DD" when gently he handed Cedar to her.  It wasn't a conscious thing at all.  It just came spilling from him in a soulful way and my sister Darlene fell in love with it and it really did seem to suit her.  So Auntie DD she became.

Her and Cedar have had a soul connection since his birth.  Something that feels beyond her being my sister.  I know part of her love for him draws from her love for me but I also feel her and Cedar have something that is so very ancient and knowing and their own story unfolding.  There is a language they share that is all their own and well, they just get each other deep deep.

One time Cedar said "Auntie DD holds my heart and knows it" and really, I think that says it all.  That's so very important for Cedar to open up to someone. That the holding space for him is really big because it needs to be as he is such a sensitive, emotional and deeply FEELing being.

I have tears in my eyes as I write this.  Because really, I'm like Cedar in that way too.  And she's always held my heart and knew it.

waiting for her 10pm arrival at the airport gate.

he screamed "auntie dd!!!" and ran into her arms.

he reached out to grab her hand

my sis and i had gone on a date for a few hours and when we returned, there was a trail of leaves that led from the kitchen, up the stairs into the bedroom where he was waiting for her to crown her "Leaf Queen".

they were singing and dancing near our neighborhood bay

salish kept weaving in and out of them as they circled.

they were singing a song cedar made up about the moon.

their goodbyes both warm and break my heart so.

sponsor GIVEaway & guest post*

Welcome to The Wild Mystics.

We are Hillary Rain + Mandy Steward, a duo of wild gypsy artists determined to create what we most need to find.

For us right now this is space for our spiritual sojourn through the dark place we are drawn to again and again: the Mystery, the womb where life begins, the earth which cradles roots and bones and secrets, the long dark night where we thrash about with God or our stories of God, wrestle in and out of soulskin and emerge, sometimes bleeding, limping, haggard, and exhausted, into daylight. And because we create what we most need to find, we have also made space for you to come alongside us as we continue our creative descent into the shadowlands of the soul.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

— Jack Kerouac

We are honored to announce the premiere launch of an eCourse designed for the dark night of the soul.

We see ourselves as wild women of the wilderness. We have dreadlocks and feathers in our hair. We follow the seasons of the moon. The night air whips our skirts into chaos until they shiver like prayer flags in the wind. Love, consider this your invitation to join a gypsy tribe, a motley gathering of the poet and the prophetess, of artists, dancers, seers and mystics, earthen sisters unafraid to mine the seasons of life / death / life and seek the wanton truth packed in our bones.

the way is difficult

We warn you: it isn't an easy sojourn. Within our descent we explore the rough edges of rejection and the harrowing emptying-out of grief. We embrace the aching howl of lament, of the sorrow and loss and death encountered along the way. We press up against the hard questions, the uprooting, the ripping apart of all we have known.

It's uncomfortable. For some it's unbearable. Actually it's quite dangerous. It gets messy and painful and hard; harder still knowing that this isn't a linear path but one which spirals through unexpected caverns and mermaid caves and dark forests, hidden labyrinths and catacombs and even our own backyard. It can be incredibly lonely. It is dark and wild. And while each path is uniquely our own, for we can only walk the Way we're given for ourselves alone, we do find solace knowing that others are merely a breath away—trembly and ragged as it might be.

For the Shadowlands are always with us. And when our eyes adjust to its glimmering light we find secret soul messages whereby we become transformed. This is the work of uprooting: of cracking open and finding light—but also accepting that while our fire can draw others close for intimacy and warmth, it can rage, create discomfort, burn up, smolder, scorch, and burn away.

To come along with us you have to be a little bit mad. 

about your gypsy guides

Mandy Steward is an artist and author of the book Thrashing About With God—Finding Faith on the Other Side of Everything. She blogs her messes regularly atMandySteward.com. She also creates custom painted and inked Secret Messages for individuals, self-publishes a subscription based ‘Zine of gypsy journalism, and is a passionate partner in a vision called TheArtJournaler.com. She finally has a Self and finds that breathtaking.

Hillary Rain is a gypsy mystic who sees her life as a shadowy bohemian tale of mystery and grace. She is a soul-doula who stands in holy-hush to witness the birth of new life, and along with her beloved creative partner Denise is co-mama of Soulsigh—A Sacred Blessingway. She spills dark prose for secretrebelclub.com and writes about life, spirituality and the healing arts at spiritsoulearth.com.

giveaway details

You may learn more about Into the Dark Night—A Guided, Creative Descent into the Shadowlands of the Soul by visiting our website, www.thewildmystics.com and liking us on Facebook.

• To enter, leave a comment sharing what draws you to this eCourse and why you would like to participate. 
• Giveaway open until Saturday, November 23, 2013, 8 PM CST.
• Winner will be chosen on or after 11/23/2013. If we cannot confirm contact within 24 hours we reserve the right to select an alternate.
• Winner must be willing to disclose contact information. eCourse runs 6 weeks and begins December 1, 2013.

be-longing*

dancing free in my sacred space

Tonight I was pensive as I picked up my house while my boys were gone.  A thought kept rushing through me, or more so a feeling.

A sense of un-belonging.  

I'm just not sure I belong.  Anywhere.  With any type of community:  Social. Religious. Spiritual. Heartical.  Soul-ful.  My soul is hungry to learn and experience, to understand and seek what speaks to me deeply, what feels like home to the rhythm of my heart but throughout my life I have found that not one way or place or group has ever really felt like a place where I fit in.

I wondered about it tonight.  If its okay to not belong.  If its possible to be at ease with yourself if you never feel you quite fit in anywhere.  Then I looked at the word "belong" and I saw two words "be" and "longing".  

Be-long.  Be-longing.

To be longing.

I realize this is a play on words, but hmmmm.

I always considered to belong was to settle and claim, to be accepted and part of, to be one with and to identify with but perhaps my be-longing is my seeking and my journey, not necessarily my destination.  My be-longing is my search for truth and light and LOVE.  Its a longing so very unique to me and needn't be part of anything.

So perhaps I do belong.

That brought me comfort this evening.  Comfort and release.

strength in vulnerability*

There was a moment a few days ago when I felt completely naked in a crowded room. There I was, standing in front of this person I care for deeply but between us are layers of hurt and unhealthiness for me.  I had prepared for this day and this encounter.  I had a circle of friends praying for me, lighting candles, sending visions of light and warmth and a bubble of love and protection.  I received text messages all morning from loved ones reminding me to stay in my center.

This one quote from a friend in particular was a visual that felt so powerful to me... 

"I'm here holding a copper staff right down through you into our beautiful strong Mother Earth"

I held that vision close but it was my beautiful and beloved grandmother's memorial and a deeply emotional time for my dear family and being the empath that I am for other's emotions, I fell from my center under the heaviness of it all.  

After three hours of having to hold in tight my emotions about being in the presence of this person and behave as though I was unaffected by it, I felt utterly suffocated by this way of being (or not BEing).  So, when there was a moment of eye contact and acknowledgment, I felt myself moving towards them as though this awareness of each other was a way of me surfacing for breath.  My whole body embraced them as I collapsed in their arms.  Even as it was happening, I was unsure why this was my reaction.  Being that close, their energy felt like a fierce wakening blow and like a wild storm through my senses, I got stripped to the very core and what I found at that very core is Love.  I softened in the embrace and I wept because for me weeping is always a release of my truth and whether its joy or happiness or anger or frustration or sadness, tears flow from the well of the truest and deepest parts of my soul.

The softness that came over me wasn't returned after the embrace and I stood there feeling completely naked and vulnerable.  I felt exposed. I felt like I couldn't breathe again.  My softness felt swallowed up by their cold and fierce. After stumbling with my words, I realized that I didn't want to have to match that cold and fierce energy in order to be heard, so all I could do was remove myself.  I walked away and I kept walking.  I left the building because I ached for light.  The sun warming me and the motion of my feet and the swift movement felt calming to me. I was in an unfamiliar town, so I had no idea where I was going and it didn't matter but what I did know was that I needed to find earth.  Finally, I saw green beneath my feet and felt the leaves crunch below me and that is when I realized I was holding my breath.  I exhaled and let breath move through my entire body and that release brought on the sobbing.  The grass, the leaves, the trees, they felt like a safe bosom and holy ground and like a nurturing cloak to protect my nakedness. 

Later at my sister's farm, even when surrounded by those that deeply love me and hold my heart gently, the remainder of the evening I felt angry at myself.  Angry that this happened at my grandmother's memorial.  Angry that I let my guard down.  Embarrassed that I walked towards and embraced what was potentially unsafe because that was a very surprising and awkward thing for me to do.  Ashamed that it was clear I was so affected by their presence when I have done so much praying, so much soul-work.  Worried that the handful of people surrounding me in light and imagining me centered and strong and protected would be disappointed in me.  I felt weak.  I felt like a wounded little girl clinging to the littlest bit of attention she was starved for.  So many not so kind thoughts about myself rushed through my mind.  I couldn't quiet those thoughts all night.  My head was full of shaming myself for being too soft, too exposed, too vulnerable.

After a sleepless night, I got up much earlier than planned and drove to the airport when it was still dark for my late morning flight.  I needed to roll down the windows and be in movement  There was something about movement that I was aching for.  Not to flee, nor run from my thoughts but to honor how far I have come and have broken free from many old ways of BEing and thinking.  This ritual of movement was the healing reminder that I needed because the day prior I had felt as though all of my soul-heart-work had just crumbled in the midst of this one single encounter.

I had told a dear friend that put energy into holding space for me all weekend... 

"I feel like I failed!"

and she responded... 

“You didn’t fail, love. You set a boundary. Leaving is a boundary. You are not bitter or hard. Your weeping was your truth. You are love. You are light. Soft is brave.”

Another friend said... 

"You embracing and crying, that was you being fully you in that moment without walls and fears.  That is not weak.  That is so so strong."

How did I lose sight of this?  For years it was insinuated and I chose to believe that my sensitivity, my tenderness, my empathy, my ability to cry so easily was a sign of weakness or fragility.

The last two decades of my life I had hushed those lies and came to know that these parts of myself are beautiful.  It is not easy to be soft and tender and vulnerable.  It also makes creating boundaries with people you love more difficult.  It takes strength and wisdom and depth and tremendous self care.  

I know and honor that with certain energies or people we need to cocoon and protect ourselves from and it probably would have been healthier for me if I continued to protect myself in that moment BUT that doesn't make me weak or make me a failure.  Showing my love for this person and allowing my tears to fall takes so much bravery and that perspective brings me more life than the hurtful things I was telling myself.

And just because I let my guard down, doesn't mean I have forgotten all of my soul work around boundaries.  This particular time, it was extra tender and therefore I offer myself extra tenderness and compassion and understanding.  Perhaps as an empath, my work with boundaries will be a constant practice.

I give myself grace around it because in all truth, I am grieving over this relationship. Grieving that no matter how much we've tried, it just doesn't seem to work and perhaps may never work.  

My dear friend Rain, wrote this about grief on her blog the other day and her words have really helped me honor why I was so deeply affected...

"This I know to be true: Grief keeps you soft, if you let it. Keeps you tender and warm-blooded and human; Keeps you on your knees, on your face, your soul close to the earth. There is healing in the earth. I googled the other night in a sleepless hour: Can't handle the grief. Because what then? I've learned to surrender then too. I can't handle the grief? Okay. Deep breath. Here I am. This is me in the unhandling. I will let this be. I will sit and observe. It is dark and holy work."

The other day, that was me, in the unhandling and after much sitting and observing, I will let it be.

running or staying*

cedar & salish running in an apple orchard

I told my friend today that I didn't want to run any longer.  Run from this one thing that can cause uncomfortable gnashing and thrashing about within my soul.  There was a season for me to cocoon and be safe and accept that I need safe. In that safe dark warm and cozy cocoon, I found some roots that I never allowed to sink far enough into the ground that steadies me.  Oh my gypsy heart and how all of my life I was able to just uproot and flow with the wind and plant, then uproot, flow, plant.  But now, I want to stay in it.  Me and these new roots. I want to face that which causes fear and doubt and little girl insecurities that cling to me with such neediness and ache for affection when its not being given.  

Just like I kneel down and meet my son eye to eye when he needs some grounding, today I did that with the little girl within me.  "Lets stay here" I said out loud to myself while driving in my car today..."Lets not run, lets be still with this for awhile and let this stuff happen without fleeing.  We can still sway when we are rooted:  Like a tree...rooted and swaying.  There can be movement when we are still."   Tears streaming.

I'm just not used to roots rooting me.  It causes both peace and angst.  I'm surrendering to being tethered to this one big thing that needs me to feel the fear fully and long enough to let it pass and find its way back to center.  I can do this.

savorer*

drying a bouquet of hydrangeas my friend gifted me

I was just telling a friend that my husband laughs at me because when I get a card or a package in the mail, that I rarely open it right away.  I honor so deeply when I am sent a gift of any kind.  I tend to savor it very slowly and marinate in just the thought of receiving it first.  I choose a time to open it when I can fully receive and be present and wholly there.  Whether its a card, a package, even an email.  Just recently a dear soul sent me an email about a dream she had of her and Cedar.  I savored that dream.  I waited a few days to respond to her because it moved me so deeply.  She wondered where I had gone and I explained to her my process with gifts and this dream of hers, was such a gift.

I think that's why birthdays and Christmas and the concept of a stack of gifts by my side and being surrounded by people witnessing me receiving and opening has always been a bit uncomfortable for me.  Not at all because I am ungrateful.  Quite the opposite.  I feel each and every gift deserves a kind of mindfulness from me because I know it comes from another soul connecting to mine with thoughts of me and what I may need or what I desire.  My family laughs at how slowly I tend to open gifts, while I notice all the details of the wrapping and slowly peel it away rather than tear it open quickly. 

I think I am just a slow mover in general.  Or perhaps I am a savorer.  Quick and fierce has never really been my way although I admire those that can walk (or run) through life with such energy and clarity and motivation while getting a hundred things done at once.  My process is slow and lingering and hyper focused at times.  When I receive gifts, when I make choices, when I am engaging with someone.  There was a time in my life I wished I could have been different in a sea of quicker, more steadfast folks but now I really revel in this way of BEing.  I really do.

oh, hunters moon*

I took this picture while driving through the Chuckanuts.  Its called "Chuckanut Drive" actually but when I heard my friend call it "The Chuckanuts" recently, I just can't stop saying that.  It makes me smile and fills me with warmth.  Try it.  Isn't it fun?

This picture was taken for the sisters that have gathered for our Soulsigh course. An answer to a prompt to take a selfie today and share it with each other.  I was thinking of each of them, carrying the circle with me and then the sun came shining down right through my sun roof, in this moment and it was magical.

Speaking of magical. Tonight is the full moon.  Hunters Moon.  I was sitting with a dear friend yesterday before she gave me a massage (a sweet offering as I've been dealing with neck pain and needed her healing touch) and we discussed this full moon  This friend is from Alaska and has recently moved near me.  She shared with me some thoughts on the Hunters Moon that really moved me.  She shared how much this moon meant to her and how the indigenous peoples of Alaska created beautiful ceremony surrounding this moon.  How the leaves falling from the trees created wide open spaces for those that went out to hunt for food and how the clearing enabled them to see and connect with the animal and have a conversation of respect and honor and permission for their life.  How the hunters would return and there would be a ceremony to honor their life and it was very mindful and spiritual, how the animal's life carried their tribe throughout the winter.

We talked about this energy of the Hunters Moon and how we are the Hunters, the seeking out of what we need for nourishment in our life.  How for each of us, this past month has been one of shedding, peeling, letting go of things in our life that perhaps prevented us from clarity.  How this allows a clearing and we can see more of what is ahead of us, what we are drawing close that fulfills us and its our time to connect to those dreams, invite them in to nourish us, sustain us through this Winter.  I have heard from others that this past month has been much the same for them.  I haven't read much about the Hunters Moon online, so I am sure guides are writing all about this process for this month's full moon.

I have done so much seeking out what brings me life this past year.  I feel as though its becoming more clear: the gifts I have to offer and the places I desire to offer them. I don't at all feel rushed about this process.  I'm allowing and am continuing to allow a slow progression of drawing it near, respecting and honoring my intuition and what is possible for me as a devoted mama and wife with a new home we can finally call ours and all that encompasses for me.   

When I imagine the hunters and their ceremony, I imagine that same mindfulness with what I am gathering near.  How much ceremony is an integral piece of remaining intentional throughout the process.  

Oh, Hunters Moon...I am grateful for this reminder, for this purpose.  I honor you deep.

friendship stories*

my dear friend mary-caitlin braiding my hair. 

I am in the mood to hear some friendship stories.  Will you share your favorite with me?

I am sitting here in a cafe with a knitted hat and fingerless gloves, feeling very cozy with my Breve Vanilla Latte, having listened to four voice memos that my best bosom friend that I've known since Freshman year in High School (about 28 years ago) sent to me today.

We have so many, so many sweet, creative and deeply good memories together and one in particular that I remember was when we were visiting an Uncle of hers.  Her and I were walking down a path laced with plum trees, arm in arm and I started to have an asthma attack from eating one of the plums.  I didn't have an inhaler with me, so she asked me to close my eyes while she walked, here arm gently cupped into mine, as she led me and told me a story to take my mind off of it (and it worked!).  In true Anne of Green Gables style, which is a series that we held very close to our hearts as we felt like Anne & Diana, her story was romantic and with deep meaning and meditative.  I don't know if she realizes how often I think of that walk with her when I am not feeling well.   How in that moment, I realized the true gift of feeling so safe with a friend and how powerful our mind can be when it comes to healing our bodies.  

My friend Amy and I have hundreds of yummy moments like this and its inspired me to ask you, some of yours.  Whether yours is when you were younger or in the present time, I would love to hear of some tenderness between you and a friend that changed your life and comes into your mind often.

down deep belly love*

missing his first love-crush

This image was taken at a local cafe by the sea after we had just spent some time at a park.  He was telling me how much he missed the girl he had just connected with at the park.  Her name was Meadow.  He not only told me that he missed her but that he loved her.  Can you see the achy look in his eyes?  I needed to capture it for myself, for him and for my family to show how very deep this boy loves but he doesn't give his love to just anyone.  He needs to feel safe and he needs to feel seen and then when he opens, he opens so very deeply. 

Parks are not easy for Cedar.  It takes quite a bit of energy and reserves for him to be there because of the crowds, the sounds and the unpredictability of children.  He often tells us he's not up for it, so when he does show interest, its a big deal and its exciting and it also means for me, I need to be on so that I can help him navigate what comes his way.  It had been a while since we had been to one as we spent most of the sunny days on the beach or on trails or at our cute little bay and creek near our house.  So in all honesty, I was feeling a bit of anxiety myself as we walked up to the park holding hands.

Then, as I let him go and he ran to the play area, I witnessed something I had not yet witnessed before.  He was pausing when it got loud and taking deep breaths.  He was saying "excuse me" if someone ran into him and he was offering to help a few littler toddlers up stairs.  He still remained in his own little play world but he didn't completely melt down in the way he used to where he would scream or get physical or just want to leave.  I even noticed he was starting to engage with others, which again is not his typical way.  I was pushing him on the swing and to the girl next to him he said... 

"I'm a silly guy.  I'm a REALLY silly guy.  When I was a baby, I didn't have any tricks but now I have a lot of tricks."

I laughed deep over that one.  Yes, buddy...you're pulling out all of your tricks today. 

I know going to the park and playing with other children is something that so many families perhaps don't really think twice about. I always stood back and observed the plethora of families at our parks and wondered what it would be like to be able to sit on a bench and fully relax and even have a conversation with someone while your child plays with others.  It was never like that for me.  Cedar would be in a corner with his hands over his ears or in tears because someone bumped into him and it hurt his body twice as much as a normal kid to be touched or he would just want to be in the swing for an hour because the motion of swinging is predictable and predictable is his safe place.  If a child tried to talk to him or engage, he would make a sound like an animal or run a bunch of facts about the Titanic to them and they would just shrug their shoulders and leave and he would stand there with a broken look on his face and I would pick up the pieces.

But this day was different and what an average day to some moms would be, to me it was enormous. 

He found this girl over by this wheel.  He was steering it and she stood there watching him.  He said to her "I'm on the Titanic and there is an iceberg!" and she said "I'll be the captain!" and his whole entire being lit up...and that was it.  He was a goner.  They ran around the park for the next half hour pretending to be on a ship and she seemed to think he was awesome rather than strange.   Then another girl wanted to join and of course to Meadow, this was cool but to Cedar, he was crushed.  He came over to me in tears.  "I can only play with one, not two" and I know what he meant.  It wasn't about not being able to share.  Its about how over stimulated he gets when engaging with more than one person.  So he told me he wanted to go.  I sat and asked if he felt up to trying to share his space with his new friend.  He agreed to try and he ended up just standing there observing them and I could tell he was making a decision to leave.  "I need to say goodbye to her mommy".  So he stood and waited for her to look at him but she was running around.  He waited for about 10 full minutes and I knew he wouldn't leave without saying goodbye.  Finally her mother started noticing that this boy was standing there staring at her little girl from across the playground and she got her daughter's attention... "Meadow, I think your friend wants to tell you something".

Meadow was at the top of the slide and paused and looked down at my Cedar at the bottom of the slide looking up at her.   He yelled to her with his hands cupped over his mouth...

"I give you all my loves from my belly to you!  I give you all my hugs!"

...and he swooshes his hands from his belly up towards the sky at her.  Her big blue eyes widened and she looked at her mom, then at me, then back at him.  He yelled again... 

"I give you all of my loves!"

...just in case she hadn't heard him the first time.  Meadow hugged herself, as if to say to him "I feel your love and hugs".  Her mother looked at me with tears in her eyes and asked me "How old is your boy?!?  He's breaking my heart." and I felt speechless.  I looked down at him and asked if he wanted to stay and he walked away with his hand on his heart..."I already said goodbye mommy.  Lets go." 

I wasn't going to force him to stay.  Its like he knew he had given all he could give for the time being and I respected and honored his choice.  The ride to the cafe was quiet.  I felt him deeply as he looked out our window.  He's not even 5 yet and I wonder how much more intense his connections to people will be as he grows older.  People think I am exaggerating about his deepness or sensitivities until they spend time with him and then they see and then I am told often how much Cedar has changed their life. 

Just this past weekend we spent a full day and evening at Seattle Children's Hospital.  He had to get his stitches out and since they were in his behind, which is a very vulnerable area and he had to be fully relaxed and not clenched and in a certain position for them to be reached, it had been an emotional two weeks trying to get them out.  We tried the doctors, we tried at home with a kit we were given and every time was traumatic.  Mainly because when he did get the stitches, there was a mistake and it was very painful when it shouldn't have been and he had to be restrained hard and it was traumatic for our family to need to help restrain him when he was pleading for us to stop.  He's still moving through it and we are working through his anxieties about it.  But the children's hospital was very tender and aware of what we had been through and it was such a blessed experience witnessing him beginning to trust his four nurses and doctor over a few hours.  Every time a new hospital staff person came into our private room, he would say... 

"My name is Cedar and I am a sensitive boy."

We never taught him to say this.  My husband and I would glance at each other and laugh and get teary because we see him so in tune and becoming more fearless about sharing who he is with people. We knew with that declaration of "being a sensitive boy" he was putting up a boundary because of what had happened at urgent care a few weeks back where he didn't feel honored by the staff there for his sensitivities to touch. 

When we were getting ready to leave the hospital, one of the staff brought up a big ferry boat toy that she bought him at the hospital store.  "I'll never forget you, Cedar", she said and told us how special he is.  They had bonded over his love of the Titanic and she brought in an iPad to watch a Titanic documentary during the procedure.  We watched her go from stoic to totally melted mush within 30 minutes of being with him and it was a beautiful connection to witness.   

The next day over breakfast, Cedar said to me "That brown lady last night" (she was wearing a brown sweater) "Can we send her a gift?  I love her.  I really love her in my belly." 

I often feel overwhelmed that we were chosen to be his parents.  Chosen by him, by God, by a spiritual connection that is ancient.  That overwhelm often gets soothed by the people that come into his life that take time to get to know him and create wide open spaces for him to fully BE and do a lot of listening because he has a lot to say.  Then we don't feel so alone in all of this.

This down deep in the belly love of his has taught me so much and I know will teach me so much more.

guest post ~ em falconbridge*

I've known Em since we were practically neighbors while I was living in Southern Calfornia.  She's so very real and true and deep roots and full of ease to be near.  I was so wildly thrilled about this dreamified retreat she's offering that I wanted to share it with my readers!  

*********************************************************

hello dear fae*soul readers!

i'm popping in to share with you a retreat happening just outside of ubud, bali next january - a true escape and dream week in a gorgeous inspiring place. a gathering of gentle souls. a burst of culture and creativity. a time to breathe and be. a week for *you*!

my soul-sister nicole has lived in bali for many years and our group will benefit deeply from her connections and knowledge of this magical land, as well as spending the week with her local friends (who have become her family) - we will be invited into their homes, culture and sacred places that most tourists will never have the chance to be exposed to. 

our week will be thoughtful and full of time to relax and enjoy, along with trips to local artisans studios for workshops, sacred places and cultural immersion. there will also be an art space at our resort for magic to happen at any time of the day or night!

for more information or to register, please visit my blog.

or our facebook page.

lots of love, 

em xo

me & God*

Two things arrived in my mail yesterday that have brought my heart joy.  First thing being this hat (seen on me above) by Fallen Broken Street.  I purchased this hat with some birthday money from my mother in-law.  I promised myself this year that I would buy things that I otherwise would not get for myself knowing I need other things more. It was so fun allowing myself a few indulgences in this way and fun for my parents on both sides as well.

The second thing to arrive in the mail was this book by Mandy Steward: Thrashing About with God and although I've only read a few pages, a handful of experts on her blog and her Instagram, I am already resonating deeply with her journey.  I am already nodding.  I am already feeling permission to thrash a bit in my own way or more so be more honest with myself and with those that care deeply for me.

This is why peoples stories are so important.  If we tell our own stories, others feel braver to do the same.  It is what the rippling effect of me spilling about my (in)fertility and adoption story became.  I received countless stories in return and others were inspired to share on their blogs too and in turn, share their blogs with me.  It opened my eyes to the beauty of being vulnerable and open and brave, oh so brave in the face of risking critical eyes from others who don't really know you or walk in your shoes. 

I realized while reading Mandy's words, that I really need to release the desire for me to please others about my spiritual walk.  I keep so quiet about it with most, with the exception of a few that have created a safe and cozy space for me to BE in it without unintentionally projecting their fear and worry about my soul.  With compassion and gentleness, I need to let their fear and worry be theirs and not mine.  With the tender and empathic heart that I have, that is not easy for me to do because I fully understand that it all is rooted in their love and care for me and that makes me love them more.

My walk with God, with Jesus, my attraction to Buddhism, the Feminine Divine and Goddess has all been so very personal, so very pure and full of questions but very very inner.  I never pretend to have all the answers.  In fact, the more I explore, the more questions I have and it feels good, so good and right and natural to ask them!  

Its a tender and vulnerable thing to explore my seeking, my questions, my intuition this openly.  People have strong opinions about their Faith and I understand and hold so much grace for that.  I grew up around and worked in churches surrounded by strong opinions. It takes courage to not go with the flow, to not make decisions based on pleasing others, to not attach other's fear to your own walk.  Today I am leaning on my courage to begin exploring this here.

This quote on Mandy's blog today, made me weep because its exactly what I have heard whispered to me in a gentle, loving voice all these years as I began stepping away from labeling my relationship to God... 

“I felt smothered in my faith, and keenly aware that God wasn’t the one causing the smothering. I wanted out of Christianity (the only container I had for God), and instead of pushing back, I felt like God stepped back, put his hands up and said, ‘By all means, proceed. And even better? I’ll come with you!" ~ Mandy Steward

Boxes and labels, as they've come and gone in my life, Oh gosh, I've never felt right in my heart about it all.  In regards to my faith, in regards to my son, to my health and the health of my family, to parenting and relationship dynamics, I feel suffocated by labels or assuming final answers as we are all so unique.  I was born a wandering gypsy bohemian fae-soul and with a deep belief that we were created to explore our beautiful minds and souls and how we are all connected. Its ever so simple and ever so complicated but I am gathering that the complicated bit comes from us, not from God.

The word "thrashing" feels uncomfortable to me but I know its because I've held this all too tenderly and quietly and its time to let it out both gentle and wild, tenderly and fiercely.  

Through it all, I feel cradled and held and also...set free.

i miss writing here*

Goodness, I've been so much quieter on my blog than I have intended to be.  That is going to change.  I feel like I have so much swirling around and within me that I am eager to explore it through words, which is such a healing way for me to process.  Life has been so very full, my friends and I've been needed deeply by those that surround me in the flesh this past month.   

Its just been one of those seasons in my life both stormy and still and I have had few moments to marinate in it and allow it to move through me in a way that I can see the messages, the heart lessons clearly.  But that clarity is slowly sinking in because I am recognizing my need to slow and see clear enough to fully get where its taking me.

I miss writing it out and here is where I write it out.   

Although I will be most likely traveling out of town to be with family soon because my very strong, wise, passionate and steadfast grandmother (my VaVa) is beginning to move on from this life and into a realm where she can be together with my VoVo (grandfather) again.  Its deeply achy and sad and I find myself often telling Cedar stories of my VaVa this week, many from when I was little.  I have loved how he has honored that I need to share and he's been charmed by her spirit.  I know she would want more celebration of her life than sadness.  So when I am with my family, I am going to put my intentions towards celebrating who she was as the matriarch to our huge Portuguese family.

I am praying that her journey from here to there is peaceful and full of light, warmth, comfort, ease and h(om)e for her soul. 

So while I am away, I will have another guest post and perhaps just a few images here and there but I look forward to my return so that I can begin writing this transition flowing within me. 

Until then, I wanted to also share that our ecourse is beginning on October 14th.  We've received such luscious feedback from the first round.  I do hope you can join us in October.  It was such a transformational experience for so many, including both Rain and me.

winner ~ feathering the nest giveaway

Winner of a seat in the next Feathering the Nest ecourse is...

Olya!  

Congrats love.  Stephanie will get in touch with you about all the juicy details.  And to all others who entered and those who come here to my space, Steph and Leah are offering my readers 15% off their ecourse with the code FAESOUL at checkout! 

Sponsor GIVEaway ~ Feathering the Nest

Guest post by my dear friend (and previous holistic/lifestyle coach) Stephanie Perkinson:

Autumn may be my favorite time of year. Here in the Northeast, it is when the earth showers us with her bounty. Eager to take advantage, it seems as if every burner of my stove seems to have something bubbling over it. Counter space is filled with things soaking and marinating. Glass jars are filled with hearty grains and dried fruit. 

The smell of a stew mixes with the scent of dried leaves and crackling fire, filling my home with the most intoxicating perfume. This is my home as the season shifts. 

I layer our beds with thick flannel and boiled wool blankets. Every corner gets a good scrubbing, objects that are no longer loved and used get passed on and our home is slowly organized as we find ourselves pulled into a new rhythm. I make new alters to reflect my most pressing desires. It is a rebirth of sorts. Readying and grounding ourselves for the longer, darker nights spent indoors. 

This is when I need more than ever my home space to be transformed into soul space.

Now is the perfect time to gaze at your cocoon with discerning eyes and ask, "How does what I see serve me, how is this room making me feel"? Are there more than a few places that could use some loving?  

In Feathering the Nest, Leah and I will show you how to investigate further using some of our favorite Eastern philosophies to help us guide you. This course isn't focused solely on removing clutter and making things looks pretty, it's so much deeper than that. We take you on a journey through each room of your home, infusing each space with beautiful intention.

We want more than anything to show you that your home can become a powerful catalyst for your dreams. When we stir up the energy thats floating around in your home and show you how to invite more of the good stuff in, you'll start to see beautiful change reflected back to you. 

Let us help you gently coax the unique beauty in your home out into the open, no matter its shape or size, so that you and your loved ones feel at ease as you transition into a new season. Feathering the Nest is a sensual, two week journey and we begin September 30th. We would love to see you there!

I am so honored to be hosted in Denise's sacred space. We are excited to announce that we are gifting away ONE seat in this class to one of you (a $59 value)!

There are three ways to enter this GIVEaway:

~ Leave a comment here on the Fae*Soul Blog, telling us what room needs some loving in your house

~ Share about the (GIVE)away on Instagram, using the hashtag #featheringthenest and tagging @stephperkinson and come back here to tell us

~ Tweet about the give-away using hash-tag #featheringthenest and come back here to tell us.

You may absolutely do more than one of these options for a second or third chance to win the seat. 

Comments to enter close on midnight (PST) Saturday, September 28th.

There is more! As a special thank you to each visitor in this sacred space, we are honored to offer a 15% discount on the class. Please use the code: FAESOUL at checkout to receive your discount!!

A bit about the ladies behind Feathering the Nest:

Stephanie Perkinson is a certified holistic health and lifestyle coach and mama to two young boys. Leah Kent is an artist, designer and holistic life coach. These two east coast ladies created Feathering the Nest to show women how to connect with their deepest desires and favorite things as a way to make their home into a nurturing soul space. To Learn more and register, come visit at: Feathering the Nest.

summer of living*

my loves, my muses*

climbing barefoot brings him life* 

an alter for a dear friend in need. these were mailed to her*

teeny tiny sea gems*

she just wants to be near us*

wild island flowers*

collecting driftwood for an artist friend*

we call this the buoy cottage* 

swan boy*

a secret message of the importance of balance*

he ran from the water to jump on his daddy.  so proud of himself for doing in further*

to witness my boys each day breathes light and life into me*

each weekend we collect sea glass and drift wood for art and home projects*

sea flag*  "can we hang it on our home mommy, so people know how to find us?" 

a kiss for the wind that flows through and heals*

many of these this summer on our doorstep, too shy to venture out further*

this tree swing from nova natural is medicine for him*

his stories take us to such other worldly places*

This dreamy summer beckoned us to live every morsel of it and we allowed ourselves to be seduced by the sea and the forest and my family tribe and my h{OM}e.

Yesterday a dear friend and I were sharing about our process as empaths and how being so in tune with what surrounds us can pull us away from our present in so many ways and how both her and I are really making a conscious effort to be IN our lives this Summer.  This used to take so much more work for me, to stay present but I've been in deep practice with how to protect myself from allowing too many emotions (from others) to make their way into my heart.  I can feel myself getting stronger with boundaries on an energetic and emotional level.  I feel more certain about my choices to need alone time to fill up and I check myself if shame starts to filter in about my needs.  It just so happens that I live with two darling beings that also have similar needs and this is why we can be together in quiet without having to fill up the space with too much.

This is what this Summer has felt like for us.  Permission to just be together.  To nest in our home and to adventure out and allow it to be just us.  Usually our summer is full of friends visiting and I think everyone just knew we needed this time without much having to be said and that felt so very safe and good.

"You're LIVE-ing your life!"  my friend said to me with a joy filled laughter yesterday when I told her why I've been quiet this summer.  "LIVE it!" 

Next week my parents and sister are coming to visit and I'm excited to show them our world, how we live it, our rhythm and groove.  They really respect and honor Cedar's sensitivities and needs and it creates such a safe haven for him...and for us.  It gives us the space and cushion to live our lives the way we need to live it in order for Cedar to be present with us too, because that is important to them and that is what we are drawing near to us these days.  But it took time for us to be certain and grounded with what we needed to draw near and surround us and our home.

I am so grateful that being here in our sweet little village has allowed us the time to heal and know how to LIVE our life.

I'm remembering.

Something is shifting in me.  Transformation that feels full circle.  A returning.

The other day I was standing in my yard and suddenly this very powerful wind swept through our sweet little village.  It was warm and swirled around me, lifted my hair high and silenced me.  I couldn't help but close my eyes and feel its energy. It was as if the earth was swaying along with it yet I was somehow rooted, still and centered. For me, this wind carried with it a consciousness of truth, a wild hush that can only be felt, not spoken because I felt heard and seen.  I felt a sweet confirmation in my soul that I am exactly where I am.   I just am.  Here.

Then my friend sent me this post by mystic mamma today and it so deeply spoke to the place I am in. 

“Virgo is the sign of healing and service and as we continue to do the internal work of self-healing, we come to know and remember who we really are. Beyond our story, beyond the ego, we are humbled by the remembrance of who we are and from this place we naturally extend forth in service. It is time to be who we are, and tune in to how we can serve. ”

— mystic mamma

September is my birth month.  I will be 42 and as ancient as that may seem to me when I look back on all I have journeyed through, I have never felt closer and more in touch with the little girl inside of me.  

My few years of hush, of more solitude than I've ever allowed myself to have, I have heard her more clearly and it turns out as much as I've spent years trying to prove to the world (or more to myself) that I'm a grown up, truly...its the wise little girl within me that makes the most sense.  She really knows what she desires and what brings her life and what connects her to Spirit ... before the world and its influence and her empathic self forgot or couldn't hear or see as clearly.

Her. Me.  Full circle. 

Just watch our young children.  They just know themselves and how to honor their needs and how to give of themselves that doesn't feel depleting but rather fills them with life.

I'm remembering. 

guest post :: moondaughter*

marissa's meditation space

Em{path}: The Path of a Healer

Hello gorgeous souls. I am Marissa from Moondaughter. I am so honored to be here today. I wanted to talk about a path, I am sure a lot of you walk down every day. It is the path of empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. However, this generic definition only skims the surface of this potent ability. 

I consider myself an Empath. This is someone who vividly takes in the energy and emotions of others, so much so that it can actually be mistaken for their own. Empaths are so open to others’ energies, boundaries are most certain to be crossed and blurred. And as women, I feel we are instinctually open and apt to this sense.

Empathy is my sixth sense. I call this a sense because I know I physically feel other’s energies within my body in the physical realm as well as energetically. I do not have a great sense of smell; my taste buds are sensitive and bland. I do have great vision and pretty good hearing, but my empathy sense is potent and hard to contain.

In my 9-5 job, I am an assistant to a nurse case manager and we work with worker’s comp claims. When my boss explains some of the injuries to me, I feel the sensations of pain and tingling within those body parts. Sometimes they become so overwhelming I have to ask her to stop. I even sometimes feel them when I am speaking with the patient over the phone. Could I be crazy? Maybe.  However, when this feeling takes over, it completely overwhelms every other sense and all I can do is be in this moment with this individual. I do not think it is coincidence I chose the healer’s path.

To the healer, this path can be so rewarding, fulfilling and inspiring, with empathy leading the way. However it can be on the opposite spectrum of draining and taxing if we are not careful. 

My boyfriend is in a basketball league. I watch every Sunday and it is so fun and exciting to see them in action. A while back someone rammed their elbow right into my boyfriend’s sternum. It wasn’t broken, but bruised and he was in pain for several weeks after that. And his sternum started to pop whenever he stretched. I gave him reiki, laid crystals on his chest, and eventually it all disappeared. But now my sternum pops and it never used to! I believed I absorbed some of his pain and symptoms. I am even feeling sensations in my sternum as I type this right now. 

I literally feel them in my bones.

I knew as a healer I needed to protect myself so I can keep helping others while I sustain my own energy. I use the moon as my compass, stones as my companions, and intuition as my voice. I have found what works for me through exploring and keeping my mind and heart open. Smoky Quartz never leaves my side, grounding meditations are a must, Full Moons I share, and New Moons I hide. 

I wish to help other Em{paths} and Healers through my course Lunar Flow. Moon Energies really connect 

us to ourselves and as we observe these ebbs and flows we can find a path to nourish our sensitive bones.

This course starts on the New Moon of September 5 activities, prompts, and meditations to dive into to create a sustaining path for you as you heal the 

world. There is community support from me and other healers through a private Facebook Forum as well as a private site and weekly emails. 

We will touch on the Maiden // Mother // Crone energies and how they weave into your life. We will sit around the campfire and tell our stories. I want to hear yours. 

This course is accredited and is also the foundational course of my certification program for all the healers out there. If you wish to be a part of this program you can sign up here for a discounted price. 

The course is $50 for 4 weeks or a discounted rate if you wish to be in my program. Within the program we will explore Tarot, Crystal Healing, and the Chakras. But first, we lay the foundations in Lunar Flow.

Sign up here for just Lunar Flow.

The path of Empathy is one of compassion, love, and courage. Aligning and working with this sense, we can heal others and ourselves. It is a beautiful ebb and flow and I cannot wait to work with you.

What sustains you through empathetic energies? 

So much love and healing to you,

Marissa Moondaughter

 {special note from Denise :: as an empath myself, i resonate so deeply with this and found it so very helpful marissa, thank you.  it feels so good to meet others with this "sixth sense" and to not feel alone.  so so grateful.}