cedar & me, taken by boho boy
I've been a little quiet in this space this past week for a few reasons; had cold, cedar caught mini tummy flu, swamped with work during every spare moment I can spare, really.
So the house looks disheveled. The laundry is in sweet lil' piles. We are tired of take out (even if its healthy take out). ; )
July, August and September are the busiest months for my husband. Not only does he have his full time day job as a sexy librarian but he has his own business, a sweet gig of designing databases for online homeschools. The Summer months are crazed for him because he's needing to build and make all of these changes to prepare for when schools start in the Fall. This means when he comes home from work, he still has to go up to the loft and work until the wee hours of the morning. Everything with databases is surrounded with a "we need this now!" energy and it is challenging to plan our lives around him putting out fires all the time. Its tough for him because he would rather be spending time with us but it helps to remember this is temporary. Although as much as it eases up in the Fall, he will still have to work each night but perhaps not until the wee hours.
It just so happens that my cup has runneth over as well the past few months as far as work goes, which I am feeling so blessed about but also trying to figure out a way to balance it all. My priority is obviously Cedar and being as present as possible with him throughout the day. But when my only time to work right now are his naps and a few hours after he goes down for bed (because my shoots are on the weekends), then other things like cleaning and laundry and creative meal planning drift away into a vortex of nothingness. If Boho Boy only had his day job, then I know I would have my nights and weekends free but for the time being, I don't have that luxury.
The thing is...because I have passions and dreams and ideas that are bubbling within me, I know that I will always be in a space of learning to balance it all with being the most attentive and intuitive mommy for Cedar and loving and supportive wife to Boho boy.
I don't feel comfy with the feeling that I get bummed if Cedar's nap is shorter than usual because I still have work to do. But at the same time, when I toy with the idea of not working for a while, that doesn't feel right either. Not only for financial reasons but for heart reasons. I feel too inspired right now.
I also know that this time with Cedar is so precious and it goes quickly. This time where he is not yet walking and is a wee cherub babe in my arms. Plus all we had to go through to meet him and be with him...it just creates a sense of wanting to marinate in him that much more.
I have also always said that because it took so long for him to get there, that I had ample time to figure out who I was as an artist and what I needed to put out into the world. So, as soon as my career was flourishing and my book was coming to fruition, Cedar happens. Awesome timing my love!
Its so interesting. It all comes full circle, really. My longing for him brought so much clarity for me as an artist and now that he is here, I want to share it, explore it, do it...you know?
I know this is an age old dilema. How do working moms do it all. I know there are a million books out there about it...and if I had time to sit and read them, I would flip through a few.
This is the first time I have tried to voice was is going on inside of me through words. So, I am not quite sure if it is coming out as articulately as I want it to.
I suppose I want to pose a question to all of my readers that are either mothers, fathers, caretakers of children but also work from the home. How do you structure your time so that you feel your child, your partner, your home, your health, your work are all receiving the attention they need?
I know we are all different...and because of this have different needs. I know we all have different stories and there is not one answer and that is why it will be fun for me to read all the stuff you've tried and perhaps something in the midst of it all will resonate with me. Comments are way easier for me to read in doses rather than a book right now! I also feel as though I have attracted many like minded souls here in this space and find you very interesting people.
I've always been one to go with my intuition and my inner voice and not ask a lot of advice. Although, lately I feel a bit worn and overwhelmed and am in need of some fresh ideas and inspiration in regards to all of this.
So my lovely buckets of warmth, love and inspiration...do share what works for YOU and your families. How do you balance your family, your dreams, your loves, your lives?