sponsor GIVEaway*

photo of elise by creative monkey photo

Inspired Balance ~ Everyday Peace Workshop

Elise is offering one free space in her  Everyday  Peace Workshop to one of my readers!

She is also offering anyone who signs up for the workshop starting 3/1 and mentions (via email) Boho Girl - the class for $20 instead of $35 - with a free copy of her ebook Simple Feng Shui for Everyday Peace.

About Elise:

In my past - and we are talking high school here - I was an overachieving, stressed out, flute and viola playing, National Merit Semi-Finalist daughter of a Methodist minister. I got lots of scholarships, attended Southern Methodist University in Dallas and joined a sorority. I tried, but it turns out I wasn’t the Texas sorority kinda’ girl. I dropped out and came home to the Midwest. I continued my schooling and worked in the fields of microbiology and biochemistry before I came the conclusion that I was extraordinarily miserable working in a lab all day.

Luckily, I met my dream boat at a party in the mid-nineties. Not to get too sappy, but it really was love at first sight. Ask anyone that was there. It was so crazy cool! I left my schooling since I was hating it anyway and moved to California with him a year later. After arriving in sunny Palm Springs, I fell into non-profit arts management as a traditional career. We got married a little after that, moved back to midwest, and had our first child. Life was extremely stressful, but we tried to be happy.

I was run over by a truck a few years back. There is just something about those near death experiences that do tend to change your outlook on things. My life certainly changed. I stepped out of the rat race, went to Feng Shui and Soul Coaching school, and found out that life was way more amazing than I was giving it credit for. Who knew?! A year later I was fired from my job while pregnant on April Fools Day, so I decided the universe was trying to tell me something. I listened.

I took a huge leap of faith and became a Certified Soul Coach and a Certified Interior Alignment Practitioner of Instinctive Feng Shui and Sacred Space Clearing. I received my Interior Alignment certification from the amazing Laurie Bornstein and her Harmony Life School of Interior Alignment. I am extremely blessed to be one of the few, select individuals worldwide, personally trained and certified by the inspirational Denise Linn in her specialized methods of coaching. Additionally, I am a Red-Ribbon Professional Member of the International Feng Shui Guild.

I founded Inspired Balance in 2007, started helping people find more peace, and here I am.

Giveaway Rules:

• Winner receives one free space in Elise's Everyday Peace Workshop
• To enter, please leave a comment with a quick tip that helps you find Peace in your everyday life
• One entry per person
• Comments will be closed on Friday, February 25th at 10PM PST
• Winner will be chosen at Random.org
• Winner will be announced this weekend! So check back!

{ Side note:  Doesn't Elise just have such a serene energy about her in this photo?  Like I could just gaze at her beautiful soft face and worries, fears, anxieties just melt away.  Do we all have a wee crush on her now? And her name.  I have ALWAYS loved the name Elise.}

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WINNER: #24...Lana of House of Wilkens!!  Congrats Lana.  Elise will contact you shortly.  xoxo

Sponsor GIVEaway*

Vivienne McMaster is a Vancouver, B.C. based photographer who is on a mission to help people create images in which they feel seen for their true selves. Through her own journey with self-portraiture she has gathered tips, prompts and ideas to help women to turn the cameras on themselves and to like what they see. She has some unique approaches to self-portraiture that explore its healing potential and the way it can transform our relationship to beauty.

She runs a 6 week online course called You are Your Muse which dives into finding our visual voice, telling our stories, exploring light, finding our beauty and learning how to getting to know our cameras can help us get images we adore. You are Your Own Muse does dive deep and invites participants to look inwards as they create images that invite empowerment of our physical selves as well.

She has launched a new session of You are Your Own Muse and is also offering a brand new 4 week e-course called Wading In: Dipping Our Toes into Self-Portraiture which is designed for participants just beginning their self-portrait journey. Wading In invites participants on a playful, whimsical adventure. Through videos and fun posts you'll be invited along on photo walks with Vivienne and be inspired to dip your toes into inviting yourself into your photos!

Today Vivienne is giving away one spot to Wading In which starts January 17th.

Giveaway Rules:

• To enter, leave a comment
• It can be one word or many telling us who or what is your current muse
• Comments will be open until Sunday, January 16th at 10pm PST
• Winner will be chosen at random.org
• Winner will be announced on Monday, January 17th
• I may do another post between now and then but will direct readers to this post so you can still enter

{all images in this post were taken by Vivienne}

ps. I have a new Facebook account for my ecourse: BohoGirl Denise

being held*

clients in love, canon 50d

Today, while driving Cedar to the library, I heard a song by Sara Bareilles and a few lyrics have stayed with me...

"...you hold me without touch".

I have been trying to find words that will express to some people in my life who are not near me but feel so close, the connection between us. It is other worldly to sometimes feel more understood and seen by those that cannot touch you in a physical way every day.

You hold me without touch.

Yes...those are the words I have been searching for. 

facebook, twitter and being present*

Hello lovelies. I have surfaced from a bit of time away from the computer. Boho Boy was home from work and I really wanted to be present as a family...together. He too stayed away from the internet. The break was nourishing for our computer geek hearts.

This brings me to a pretty big decision I made and it has taken me months to come to this place with confidence that is is right for me. I decided to take a break from both Facebook and Twitter for a while. I am not sure if this is a permanent decision or if it is temporary. I most likely will create a new Facebook and Twitter account focusing on my e-course when registration begins in February because to me personally, I feel it will be important to have a space for the Nectar Girls to gather and share.  But as far as personal accounts, it was beginning to feel a bit overwhelming for me. I haven't yet tried to put the feelings that brought me to this decision into words, so bare with me.

First let me begin with how grateful I have been for social media/networking, period. Blogging has guided me to so many like minded spirits. It was how I found some of my people, my dear friends for life...kindred spirits that gathered with me in a virtual garden to nourish one another. This space has given so many of us permission to express and be all the layers of who we are. I can't say enough about blogging and it is why I choose to show up here and share my story, not only to record my life for my son and family but also to encourage others to tell their own stories;  for healing, for gathering, to not feel alone in this world. I am not sure if my blog will ever go away. You're stuck with me as far as this space goes. ; )

Facebook and Twitter didn't always feel so nourishing. What I was grateful for is how Facebook led me to very old and dear friends from various parts of my life: high-school, church, mission trips, college, previous jobs and the blogging community. It gave me a peek into their lives as I always wondered how their journeys unfolded. It kept me in touch with my lovelies;  a peek into their daily doings and a space to exchange words of support or quotes or images of our babes or new hair styles, etc. I will miss this part.  Although, since I tend to be a person that desires to be fully present with my exchanges, I found myself lost in it all most of the time. I am not the best at balancing my energy into many different places at once. I felt a pressure (not from others, but from myself) to show up to not only my home and family but my blog, Facebook and Twitter to share my heart and life. Some of my time that needed to be spent with Cedar and creating an environment in my home that is important to me, was directed towards these spaces and I was left feeling torn. I never felt I could keep up and at times, it brought to surface emotions of not being enough. I noticed that emails in my inbox were not being responded to. Emails from close friends and family that are important to me.  The time I could spend picking up the phone or responding to the email, was spent telling the world that I just brushed my teeth or drank a cup of coffee or my thoughts on a film I had just watched because that was the hip thing to do to stay connected. These are all wonderful, light, fun (and sometimes deep) things to share but I just don't have the time in my day for it all and being hip is less important to me now than it ever has been. I had to really marinate in this and figure out where I felt my energy was most needed. Twitter was easier for me to let go of. It always felt presumptuous to me that anyone would want to know so many details about me!!  Some of my friends are so creative with it and I wish I had the Twitter mojo but oh my...it got quite boring on that page.

What solidified this decision for me was the few times I took a break from them.  I noticed I had more energy for my son and was able to put more energy into activities that fed my soul and my family.  That was big.

I feel it is so important to make it clear that this is my story with these forms of social media. We all have our own stories and experiences. Others in my life find Facebook and Twitter more nourishing for their souls, as well as an awesome element to their creative businesses and I celebrate and honor that we are all suited for different things at different times in our life. Rather than wish I could be more creative and useful like my friends in those communities right now, I decided to accept my truth and that is a person that thrives sharing through my blog and in deep personal one on one connections.  It is essential for me to continue to be authentic to what feels nourishing and what doesn't and also to not stretch myself too thin.

Perhaps someday space in my life will open up for these things.  Until then, I will have to connect with loved ones the old fashioned way.  ; ) Now that I will be on the computer less, I hope to teach Cedar to do more of this:

I also wanted to end this with an update about my marmie.  She is doing so much better holding her food down and has put on a few pounds.  Her color is coming back a wee bit.  We are so grateful for all of your wonderful suggestions and will continue to go back to them during this journey to healing she is on.

Also wanted to ask if you could send up some positive prayers and thoughts for two of my nephews that I care for deeply.  They are going through a really rough time right now and our hearts are heavy.  Its a bit too personal to share but I know when it comes to the power of communities gathering to lift up, the details don't matter.  So grateful for your intentions, always.

staying connected*

my boys, august break #30

Boho Boy walking.
Boho Baby skipping.

Last night after tucking Cedar into bed, we cuddled on the couch to finish this film.  Boho Boy's forearm has been in some pain from being a computer nerd-genius, so I grabbed some lavender oil and massaged it. I realized that it has been a long time since I have nurtured him in this way.  Our energies are so poured into our growing-by-the-second toddler, that at the end of the day, we can barely keep our eyes open.  It felt so good to be present with one another last night.  While rubbing the knots out of his arm, so many thoughts ran through my head:  I need to kiss him more, hug him more, stroke his hair, listen more intently...the way I did before Cedar came into our lives.  Between us, it has always been the small sentiments that brought us closer and deeper together.  Every single one of my friends that have young children are on this same journey of balancing energy towards your child, as well as your relationship.  I am so grateful Boho Boy and I are constantly communicating and reassuring, so that it doesn't escalate to those dark and scary waters of losing one another.  I am grateful that we are both patient with this process and don't have a lot of expectations right now.  Funny how something as simple as an arm massage will bring all of this to surface.  We have a romantic date planned soon.  A gift from my parents for our anniversary.  I am dreaming of finger foods, sangria, cushy couches and funky music.

Would love to hear how you stayed connected to your partner during the early days of parenting...

squam has open arms...

peace to you, canon 50d {gloves knitted for me by jonatha}

There is a very tender, vulnerable part of me that feels conscious of how the gushing and mushy posts about Squam may bring up tender emotions in those that didn't attend this Fall. I know what it is to be on the other side, wishing you were there and feeling sad that you didn't experience the connections, the classes, the woods that we are all spilling about in our posts or Facebook pages. Not necessarily about Squam for me because I have gone to both Fall sessions (but missed the Summer) but more so about other types of blog gatherings/retreats.

The beautiful nugget about Squam that keeps me sharing is that Squam is truly open to anyone who wants to go. That what I am sharing about, you can be a part of...even if it might take a few years to save money or to organize baby sitters or preserve vacation days from work, etc. It is possible for anyone to attend and I truly revel in the open arms vibe that Elizabeth created in regards to this retreat.

Its hard for me to be part of anything that surfaces hurtful emotions in anyone that comes to this space because I am a sensitive soul that wants everyone to feel loved and desired and important and relevant. So, my hope in sharing my stories in regards to these types of events or gatherings is to provide hope to each of you and the possibility that you can create this in your own life. Even if on a smaller scale (hooking up with bloggers close by, etc.).

What I have found in my years of blogging and meeting those I have connected with online, in person, is that the transition is quite seamless in most relationships. I believe that is because blog communities that are attracted to one another tend to be like minded spirits, "kindreds" so to speak that are interested in the same heartful things and we all end up having quite a bit in common.

So please know that when I post about my soulful times away with other bloggers, be it a retreat or just an intimate gathering of friends, know that there is a tender spot along with it for me. Feeling tender knowing that some of you may ache for these connections on a very deep level and that it might trigger certain emotions. I have been there before but it was when that light bulb came on that I can create it too and opened up my heart to it, that the magic started trickling in...bit by bit.

That might sound cliche, so let me explain. So much of that for me in the beginning was letting go of the trying to connect and just focusing on my own growth, my own journey (which at the time was fertility related) and it was then that the friends that came into my life were the ones that were either in a similar space or had been there before. I suppose in a nutshell, we attract what we are needing if we recognize what it is we need. I was needing women in my life that had gone through their own fertility journeys and those are the blogs I was reading and those were the women I firstly connected with. Then it just grew from there...to friends of friends of those bloggers that weren't going through (in)fertility but were going through some type of grief and so much of it felt the same. Then it grew from there to women that were going through a healing, resurfacing or reclaiming of self and embracing the artist within and so on. Some of us have stayed connected through all the many layers and ever evolving paths.

All this to say that what I love about Squam is that it welcomes all of it. All journeys. All paths. All spirits...wherever you are. Even if you're in a space where you don't feel creative or artistic (someone asked me if Squam was just for seasoned artists, which it isn't...its for all levels). It's for you too. Its for all of us.

So, it feels good to be associated with something that holds a place for everyone and where all can feel a part of something so extraordinary and life altering.

And on a totally different note. I took this shot of Cedar yesterday and had to share it because it is the first shot I got of his two bottom teeth!

laughing with daddy, canon 50d

squam.

kiss sent to my family via my phone on second day of squam

Many people coming back from Squam (both Summer & Fall sessions) speak of a magic that dazzles the woods. For those that have not been there yet, I can imagine they wonder what that really means. Last year at Squam, my heart and soul were consumed with wondering if I would get a phone call that our birth mother was in labor (she was predicted to have a preemie but ended up not). It was difficult for me to stay present. I felt the magic, the heart swooning, the connections, the beauty...but I am not quite sure if I listened to all that surrounded me intently enough. I am not sure I felt it as deeply as it danced around me.

This year was different. I walked on the gravelly dirt paths surrounded by trees, leaves and bark with a more peaceful, quiet spirit. I found myself just be-ing moment to moment. I heard the wind harmony of song through the leaves. I allowed for complete quiet at night, tucked in bed without needing to fill it with noise. I observed connections happening around me without feeling the need to be part of it. It was just beautiful to observe. If I did happen to be part of a deep soul friendship connection, I marinated in it without allowing the huge crowds to distract me. This way of being is home to me and it feels like years since I have come to this space of comfort within.

I remember my dear friend Jen coming up to me after a few days in the woods..."you seem so good...just coasting, just okay with everything." I knew what she meant. She observed me walking softly after years of observing me wanting to walk softly but being unable to. Others that have been part of my journey noticed too and rather than pull me aside and ask me a plethora of questions as to how or why I am in this space...they just let me be.

There were women from last year that from afar I knew were kindred spirits. Last year I was afraid to nurture those connections because they were mothers. It was hard to sit in the spaces of mothers sharing stories about their children. I protected my heart so much from anything that would surface icky hurty stuff when I yearned to not go there because I knew the well of sorrow would not stop pouring. Last year I wasn't in a space to let that well flow.

Again...this year was different. I sat snuggled onto beds or couches listening to mothers talk of their children with tears welling because they missed them. I listened to birth stories without feeling like I have missed out on something sacred. I shared my own birth story...how I cradled our birth mother while she bravely brought our son into the world. Our stories were all unique and I was now part of a tribe of women that supported one another gently. Ever so gently.

I sat with women I admire. Women that have discovered their true passion and dreams and have created a life for themselves that is so utterly extraordinary and inspiring. I listened, absorbed the stories of how they gathered all of their bravery to do so and the tools that helped them get there. And when it began to feel overwhelming because I tend to move slower with such things, I left the room and sat on my bed and closed my eyes and centered myself, feeling okay that I do things differently.

It was just five days of feeling safe in my skin and safe with others. Five days of walking down path after path and smelling the scents of nature and listening to the music it plays. Five days of giggling with my girls as they danced on the beds at night and let go of their inhibitions. Five days of stepping out and saying hello to those women I always wanted to say hello to (and snuggle with in front of a fire). Five days of somehow, somehow...not allowing my ego to take control but rather letting my ego go completely. Five days of feeling like a woodsy hobbit faerie nymph in my dreadlocks. Five days of loving without fear. Five days of feeling so fully inspired by over one hundred unique, beautiful, soulful, thriving, cracked open artists of all types, from all around the world.

More feelings to share soon.
More images too.