curvy deliciousness.

Plus Size Supermodels from far left: Crystal Renn, Amy Lemons,
Ashley Graham, Kate Dillon, Anansa Sims and Jennie Runk
Bottom Center: Lizzie Miller, Glamour Magazine {click for larger view}

I ran across this article yesterday and my heart lept (and my mouth drooled...hello gorgeousness). How I have dreamed about the day that the world of Fashion would embrace, truly embrace women of all sizes and not just those that are much smaller than the average woman.

I know this is a step in the right direction and we're not fully there. Its a new direction of authenticity in a world that creates this idea in our little girls minds (and women in general) that air brushed super thin bodies is what it takes to be beautiful or accepted or adored.

Thin can absolutely be attractive and beautiful, yes, absolutely but so can curves...alluring, healthy curves and when we really look around us as we walk in a crowd, most women have figures shaped much like the women in this image.

So this image reached out and moved me deeply and I wanted to share it here in this space with hopes that it may touch some of you. I thought to myself; Hey, my belly and hips and thighs sort of look like that (especially when I am consistently exercising...right now they are a bit cushier than usual...hee)! I actually felt more beautiful when looking at this image. Its really powerful. Powerful to see this shift in energies about the definition of beauty, women, balance, health, wholeness and freedom to accept who we are, how we are built and to celebrate that.

Like one of the models Lizzie said in an interview..."It may be someone else's normal to be a size 2 but my normal is a size 10 or 12. I work out, I eat healthy and this is my normal."

Its my normal too. This actually inspires me to be more active, which I have been missing deeply. I so enjoy my curves when they have that extra firm roundness booty bubbleness! ; )

I showed this image above to my husband last night and he said "Wow, real women...". He didn't mean that thin women are not real women, of course they are. What he meant was they were photographed and published without being tucked in or shaved off. Real.

For years I was with someone that wished I was thinner because he was attracted to thin. That's a whole other story that I don't want to get into right now, perhaps later. But what I will say is that it was so liberating to break away from those chains. Then when I finally met my husband while in a space of true self acceptance, within a few days he shared with me how he has always loved curvier shapes. It was as though me accepting and celebrating my true shape attracted a man that celebrated it too.

Just writing about all of this is helping me to feel more sexy...because I have NOT felt sexy that much at all lately. Perhaps in fleeting moments but not lasting. This has been very healing.

kind of cheesy...and kind of sweet.

I've done some pretty cheesy things on my blog in years past and today I am doing something perhaps the cheesiest. But you know...it is who I am and with this cheesiness comes bravery and stepping outside of my comfort zone and healing past wounds and not really putting energy into whether I look cool or not.

In fact, this brings me back to a post I wrote, I am guessing about three or so years ago, when I shared that I was dancing in my loft to a Rosie Thomas song and I felt empowered and free and beautiful in my skin. It had been months since I felt that way having been poked and prodded for fertility stuff and feeling disconnected from my feminine body. So, in order to show a visual of what I experienced, I took a series of photos of me dancing and put them together and posted it. As cheesy as it may have seemed to others, it was a turning point for me and not only was it that but it introduced me to one of my dearest friends for life in England. It was this post that inspired her to contact me and since, her and I have been close friends, each on our own little journeys reconnecting ourselves with our feminine spirits post grief.

Some of you that have been reading for a while know that when I was young and singing with a few friends (trying to sing in harmony), I was told by one of them I was tone deaf. I loved singing. Singing brought me so much joy. I never put too much thought into how good I was and I never entertained illusions of being a rock star but those four teeny tiny words "you are tone deaf" altered the way I'd feel about my voice for years and into the present. I still pursued music in school. I was in choir in high school. I led worship in church a few times. I sang at my high school graduation and bacheloriate. In college I was in a touring singing group for a semester. But even though music was a big part of my life, it always came with so many fears, anxieties and insecurities. I didn't want to leave it fully but it was oh so hard to be in it as I was dealing with the voice of that one girl..."you are tone deaf" every time I opened my mouth to sing a tune.

To this day, I have a very hard time singing around people (unless I am on stage...which is odd). My husband has only recently fully heard my voice because I sing to Cedar but I notice when he walks into the room when I am singing, my throat does that infamous close- up deal as a result of the still small meanie voice in my head..."don't forget...you are tone deaf."

Yesterday I received such a warm warm email from a blog reader. She referred to my current head space as a "season of blueness" and that really rang true in my heart. Perhaps because she attached a bit of romance to my blues, which I dig...because I am such a silly romantic.

I am in a season of blueness and so much of it has to do with how I am feeling physically. I am being gentle and patient with the process as my Naturopath and I take care of my body and learn what the roots are. There are a few other elements adding to my blueness, some layers that I am looking at and I may explore more here on my blog.

Recognizing my blueness has also made me aware of what truly does bring me joy in my life. It is those things I want to draw into my world so that I can be a more present wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. One of my joys is singing.

Yesterday, I did some dancing, today I did some singing. I wanted to record it...to document the movement in moods for me. I didn't know how else to do it but to record one of the favorite parts of my house...our windows lined with old vintage bottles we inherited from Boho Boy's late father.

What I find interesting is that towards the middle to end of the video, my legs start bouncing more and I begin to giggle and relax...even when I pause and totally forget the lyrics or how to sing them. I notice I am gentle with myself and that still small meanie voice in my head. In fact, I think I tossed that meanie voice out the window and embraced my cheesy self and way of singing.

So dear lovely blog world, I am sharing this moment with you. A brave, silly and meaningful moment. I don't care if I sound dreadful in parts and okay in other parts and I don't at all care that I sound far from perfect. What I care about is that I am caring less and living more and tapping into what brings me joy in my life.

The whole video is kind of cheesy...but also kind of sweet, I think. ; )

{lyrics "i don't know" by lisa hannigan}

the yummy apron i am wearing was custom designed for me by the rockin' talented liz.

my beautiful friend jonatha, canon 50d

Today I was moving around slower than usual, feeling a bit in a funk, restless with what to do next, comfortable to just sit on the couch and stare at a wall. But I can't do that sitting and staring anymore. I now have a sweet gnome boy looking up at me with bright eyes and a slight smile, encouraging me to get into something that will make him laugh or perhaps even just make his grin a bit wider.

So, I swooped him up and brought him up to the loft. I sat him down near me and put on some music. Music that provokes movement of any kind. I needed to move my body. So I did and he not only smiled wider but he giggled and clapped his hands clumsily and so I did it again and faster and with more drama to make him laugh harder. I started to feel a wee better. A bit of an energy surge encouraging me to take him out and run some errands that earlier I so wanted to put off.

Yes, being with him and that desire to show him how to live more juicy helps me to feel more alive within myself. Him and I have a partnership where the giving goes both ways.

{speaking of delicious music, have you heard jonatha's voice lately? pure magic.}

happy birthday omi

Cedar and I created this video ditty for Boho Boy's mother Birgit today (also known as Omi...pronounced Oomie...Grandma in German).

I promise a writing post soon. I've just realized that when I am tired and not feeling well, moving pictures are so much more simple to express what is going on in our home, our hearts these days!

For those of you that have sent such sweet supportive emails about our videos...THANK YOU...our family soaks up every morsel and we love sharing these moments with you.

I had this one cool reader of mine write to tell me that she was having a really tough day due to a grade for a nursing school exam not being what she expected. She shared that the videos of Cedar singing and us cuddling on the bed together warmed her from the inside out and shifted her perspective...easing her way into the rest of the day (thank you, R...). I am not sure if she truly understood how much this meant to me (although I told her but still...I wondered if she grasped it).

Its been hard feeling this way...not fully present in my body and mind and having a tough time expressing myself through words as a result. Writing is such a huge part of who I am and for that to not feel the same, well...you can imagine. So, of course some fears and insecurities have surfaced about me just sharing videos lately in this space and wondering if these moments in my life that I am sharing will have the same impact that my words do. Because what I put out into the world means something to me; my art, my words...and that need to know that somehow, somehow they will create positive change. Even if for one person. Its worth it and motivates and inspires me and humbles me to the core.

So that email was like a warm blanket of reassurance and so have the others been. Thank you...words are so powerful, both the kind and not so kind. Since I try to be a gentle and considerate communicator, I deeply appreciate and notice when others are as well.

scenes from yesterday...

Cedar is doing this new thing, starting more than month ago. He sings. He started doing it one time when I was singing to him and he was trying to follow me. Now he does it when he hears music or if someone sings at him, trying to get him to do it. Yesterday, he started doing it by himself right in the middle of eating his lunch (NPR was in the background). So I joined him. How cute is he with sweet potatoes smeared all over his mouth?

Right before putting on his jammies last night, I decided to show him how the Flip camera works. He is always grabbing it, looks at it and doesn't see the big deal. So, I layed down with him, recorded us and then played it back to him. He was instantly in love with the whole idea and wanted me to do it again and again...

boho girl vlog {9}

Before I start recording a vlog, I always do a wee test to make sure the lighting is okay and the angle and what not. I usually do something silly...because well, it feels weird to do a test and be all serious. I never share them but this time I decided to show you my test run at the beginning of this vlog. Mainly because I ended it with saying "good thing I'm not showing this...". Omg...it made me laugh and I must be feeling brave!

The angle was still off, though... ; )

wrapped in love.

jb, thea, jen, canon 50d

jb, jen, me, taken by thea

This is how I feel right now.
Circled, wrapped, cushioned with love.
I'm not quite sure how I got so blessed with such warmth in my life.
Thank you...to all of you. You know who you are.
My anchors helping to ground me.
My wings helping me to fly.
My sweet angels reminding me of my strength.

I love you.
Boho Boy loves you.
Cedar loves you.
My family loves you.

May we all close our eyes and think about those special beings in our lives.
The ones who get us, embrace us, love us even though...
The ones who wrap us in love.

tiny scenes from my parents house.

When at my parents house this week, I created these videos for Boho Boy because we were missing him so, so much while away. One of the tough things about his work schedule is that he can't take these trips with me all of the time and he might miss a milestone or two. BUT thank goodness for our Flip, text messages/videos, this blog and email to keep our family connected despite the distance.

I wanted to share the cuteness, though I feel I need to put in a little disclaimer for my marmie's sake. Their house was a bit disheveled because she had four guests staying the night in their small home plus an explosion of baby toys. I know she might want me to tell you that, although at the time none of us noticed the mess as we were simply enjoying being together. Now that I am sharing these bits with the world, she might notice it more. ; )

{sister darlene holding cedar}

cedar stoked at the airport, taken with phone

Cedar and I are back from our trip to go see my parents and sisters at the bottom of the Sierra Foothills in Northern Cali. This is why I have been absent. Oh how dreamy it was to be with my family, my people, my loves.

There was a huge glorious storm out there and internet and phone connections were in and out. I love storms. Perhaps because we don't get enough where we live in SoCal. My parents live on a few acres on the top of a big hill so they get most of the wind in their town. It howled and hissed and shook the house. We stood in awe looking out the window at how far their trees could bend without breaking (although sadly enough they did lose one tree and some branches off of others). It was Cedar's first storm and rather than being frightened at the noise and movement, he was thrilled and then slept soundly. He was about as thrilled as he was in the photo above that I took at the airport when we first got there. The airport intrigued him and he sat there flapping his arms like a bird while people watching.

Traveling alone left me feeling a wee vulnerable but I was simply amazed at how gracious everyone was. I had Cedar in a sling on my hip (FINALLY found one that fit for both of us) but still had other bags to carry, so taking all the liquids out of my bag and my shoes off were a bit of a challenge but kind strangers around me offered their help. It might be because Cedar has a way of flirting and drawing the ladies in with his batting eyes. Seriously though, he is starting to do this bashful twist of his head and eye batting. I promise he didn't learn it from me. Hmmm...or did he? ; )

While with my family, Cedar started mimicking, pointing, clapping when hearing the word "patty cake". He also started grabbing faces and pulling them towards his lips to kiss them passionately. When he did this to my sister she turned red and fanned her face saying "I haven't been kissed like that in years, what a lover!" We giggled. We marveled at how snuggly he is. He scoots into people and buries his face in wherever he can while stroking with his hands, then looks up waiting for a reaction with a huge smile. I just beam watching his personality come through and am marinating in this precious precious time. Sharing it with family...all who are such a close extension of me, just made my heart sing this week.

This is the first adoption in our family and it warms my soul at how very open and embracing each of them have been. It is so clear that he is not only so much ours but so much theirs and how his goofy, passionately loving personality fits our family like a glove. We just sit around him on the floor swelling with gratefulness and awe at how much he has brought healing to us as a family. Acknowledging how he teaches each of us how to love with more abandon and sit more patiently through the hours spent together.

While on the flight home today, he laid his hand on the arm of the woman sitting next to me and gave her a wide-eyed, genuinely caring smile. I noticed she didn't speak English but she stroked his arm back with misty eyes...a Universal expression of feeling seen and accepted and loved. These moments he gifts to me are shifting my heart in ways I am still trying to find the words for.

cedar's first trip to the zoo!

It truly is a whole new experience for us when we're seeing something through Cedar's eyes. I honor him so much in that he teaches us to patiently observe all that is happening around us.

Living in the city near busy freeways, we unfortunately don't get a lot of nature with the exception of the beach now and then. Boho Boy and I love camping and we look forward to doing this with him when we feel Cedar is ready. There is just something about the forest that calls to our spirits.

We are learning Cedar is much the same. Whenever we've been around a lot of trees, Cedar is in meditating heaven. When the wind touches his face and the leaves dance about, he closes his eyes and breathes in (he's done this since birth and we marvel every single time). So, on this particular day at the zoo, there was a sweet breeze and while riding on his daddy's shoulders, he kept breathing it in with his eyes closed. He teaches us to do the same.

I learned how very brave he is. When watching the Gorillas up close, most all of the children cried and screamed when they came running towards them and plopping their huge hairy bodies right up to the glass. Not Cedar. No...he waves his arms about, pounds on the glass and talks out to the Gorillas with a big smile and look of wonder. Almost as if he was saying..."Come closer, come hug me tight! You're sooooo cuddly cute!" Although, one of his favorite books that he loves us to read to him is "Little Gorilla", so perhaps he's all down with their mojo and feels part of their tribe.

So, since walking through this zoo is like walking through a rainforest; being out in nature with actual trees, we decided to get a family pass. Now we can go as much as we desire and Cedar can believe we have Gorillas in our backyard.

{On another note...you can find me here at my dear friend Em's blog for 52 questions! I hope this question creates some juicy images within for you.}

i carry my family in my heart.

angela & cedar, taken with phone yesterday

I know I've been a wee quiet. Been cocooning a bit. Really soaking in each moment with Cedar. He's been a bit under the weather.

Seeing Nie on Oprah had a huge impact on me. I too wish that I could sit on a comfy couch with her and let her know that her story has changed my humble little life. That when I saw that she couldn't hold her two boys after giving them a bath (because it must hurt too much to wrap her arms around them), I held Cedar most of the day. When I think of all she has to endure, I remember to not take the sweet, small things for granted.

Boho Boy and I watched it together and we were teary and after it was finished we held one another. He said "I too would break my back and walk through fire to save you..." (referencing Christian's efforts to save Stephanie after the plane crash). It was sweet and romantic and I believe him. He would be my Knight.

Stephanie is a radiant, beautiful being...both before and after the accident a year ago. I will never forget the glow in her eyes when she sat on Oprah's couch and told her and the world that we all have this incredible strength within us to endure what it is that is put in our path. Perhaps that is her message now, her purpose among so many others having survived that plane crash. I even tear up as I type this.

She talked about how she had a vision when she was in her three month medically induced coma. A being came to her and gave her a choice. "You can have this life (with your family) and it will be hard and at times embarrassing or you can have this other life, where there is also much for you to do." She said when thinking of her husband and children, the choice was easy. She chose the hard life.

My niece Angela (above) is in town and sitting in her presence yesterday I felt overwhelmed with such love for my family. I get to be with them next week. Flying there with Cedar to cuddle up. My father had back surgery and I've been aching to be there. My older sister Darlene and her husband just bought a huge farm, with an orchard and it is dreamy. We get to spend Christmas there. Angela and I were talking about all the white lights we could hang in the orchard. A little Winter Wonderland (sans the snow unfortunately). I felt incredibly blessed that I get to share this with Cedar. My huge yummy family just drinking him in.

I know these are all random thoughts but this is where my heart is this morning. My boys are still sleeping, the sun is slowly rising, the cool breeze is drifting through the windows tickling by skin, my yerba mate is steeping, my dreads dripping from my shower, my soul is full and grateful with thoughts of how much I carry my family in my heart.

I am also thinking of Nie and the gift her story is in my life and I know I would make the same choice she did.

winner & giggles.

The winner of one of Julia's gorgeous prints is "Coach BK"! How exciting! BK, do go to Julia's shop to choose your favorite print. You can get in touch with Julia by emailing her at juliafeh[at]yahoo[dot]com to let her know you are the chosen one. ; )

We so enjoyed reading all of your romantic and whimsical thoughts on Fall. Thank you for sharing and creating a warm and inviting atmosphere in this space. I am now craving hot cider while cuddled up in a sweater, hat and a scarf. *sigh*

I received this email from Julia tonight:

"After reading through all the beautiful and poetic comments people made about Fall, I decided I needed to put them together in some way. So, I went through all of them and highlighted words and phrases that jumped out at me and alas! a poem of sorts came through. Thought it might be fun to share with your readers (since they were the inspiration)."

The beautiful poem is on her blog here.

I also wanted to leave you with some true blue Cedar giggles (above). I know you may be leaving this post without having received a gorgeous piece of art but, seriously...how can there be sadness when you watch this video? ; )

{the winners of my giveaways are chosen from the random number generator here. we leave it up to the magic of the universe as to who is supposed to receive these gifts.}

Sponsor GIVEaway.

"whispers of truth" by julia fehrenbacher

"When I look at this painting, I see quiet and peace, softness and simplicity; things we all are in our essence. I named it "Whispers of Truth" because paitning takes me to a very sweet and truthful place; this painting captures little whispers of that sacredness." ~ Julia Fehrenbacher

My connection to Julia is a special one that goes a bit beyond her being one of my fabulous sponsors. Her and I exchanged emails a few months ago when Julia reached out to tell me she had discovered the music of my friend Amy Seeley through my blog and wanted to share with me a cool story that went along with that. She was so moved by Amy's music, that she drove miles and miles to see her in concert. Shortly after the concert, the two of them connected and shared a deep and inspiring conversation.

Amy had told me about a blog reader of mine that she met one night following a show and absolutely loved and felt very kindred with. Then shortly after Julia wrote to me as well and it was one of those moments where I shake my head in awe and want to kiss the world wide web for bringing like-minded souls together in such miraculous ways.

the artist: julia fehrenbacher

To get to know a bit about Julia, here is her artist's statement:

"Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kiss the ground." Rumi

For as long as I can remember I’ve longed, even ached, for a creative outlet. I longed to find a life’s path that enabled me to connect with myself and others on a deep, soulful level.

One day over coffee, after expressing this deep-seated longing to my dear friend, she wisely asked me what I would do if I could do anything. I immediately said, I’d paint. This was followed by, Well, why don't you go do that?

And so I did. And I haven’t stopped. I am overflowing with love for this beautiful art form.

The longing has disappeared. It has been replaced with playfulness, giddy inspiration and a clear sense of possibility. Painting has become one of my many ways of kissing the ground.

I hope my artwork resonates with you. May you have your own unique and colorful way of kissing the ground---there are so many. And may the beauty you love be what you do.

With love,

Julia

**********************

Giveaway Rules:

• Winner to choose any print in Julia's shop
• One comment per person: Please share with us in one word or more what you love most about Fall!
  
• Comments closed Wednesday, October 7th @ 9pm PST
• The winner will be chosen randomly
• Winner to be announced Thursday morning
• Have fun!

weekend photo.

I took Cedar on a walk this morning and snapped this shot with my phone to send to my family. I laughed when I looked at it. Oh my...I think he's picking up the Andrade Girls pucker.

We wish you a restful, peaceful weekend full of simplicity and light.

Love,
The Bohos

PomplamooseMusic.

I guess I am all about videos this week. My dear friend Tammy (who helped us find our awesome birth parents and supported us throughout the adoption process) sent me this yesterday. LOVE them...love love them. Wanted to share the love. Check out all of the vids. They are the cutest and coolest and can lift any heart.

storytime with the boho boys.

My boho boys reading together is part of our bedtime ritual. Last week, Cedar took it upon himself to start turning the pages, which blew me away. I mean, I am a new momma and am not about comparing milestones, so I have no idea if this is genius or normal but I find it so cute that he is doing this at 10 months.

Boho Boy is reading him Little Pea...a sweet gift from his Fairy Godmother.

for angela, for you...

squam has open arms...

peace to you, canon 50d {gloves knitted for me by jonatha}

There is a very tender, vulnerable part of me that feels conscious of how the gushing and mushy posts about Squam may bring up tender emotions in those that didn't attend this Fall. I know what it is to be on the other side, wishing you were there and feeling sad that you didn't experience the connections, the classes, the woods that we are all spilling about in our posts or Facebook pages. Not necessarily about Squam for me because I have gone to both Fall sessions (but missed the Summer) but more so about other types of blog gatherings/retreats.

The beautiful nugget about Squam that keeps me sharing is that Squam is truly open to anyone who wants to go. That what I am sharing about, you can be a part of...even if it might take a few years to save money or to organize baby sitters or preserve vacation days from work, etc. It is possible for anyone to attend and I truly revel in the open arms vibe that Elizabeth created in regards to this retreat.

Its hard for me to be part of anything that surfaces hurtful emotions in anyone that comes to this space because I am a sensitive soul that wants everyone to feel loved and desired and important and relevant. So, my hope in sharing my stories in regards to these types of events or gatherings is to provide hope to each of you and the possibility that you can create this in your own life. Even if on a smaller scale (hooking up with bloggers close by, etc.).

What I have found in my years of blogging and meeting those I have connected with online, in person, is that the transition is quite seamless in most relationships. I believe that is because blog communities that are attracted to one another tend to be like minded spirits, "kindreds" so to speak that are interested in the same heartful things and we all end up having quite a bit in common.

So please know that when I post about my soulful times away with other bloggers, be it a retreat or just an intimate gathering of friends, know that there is a tender spot along with it for me. Feeling tender knowing that some of you may ache for these connections on a very deep level and that it might trigger certain emotions. I have been there before but it was when that light bulb came on that I can create it too and opened up my heart to it, that the magic started trickling in...bit by bit.

That might sound cliche, so let me explain. So much of that for me in the beginning was letting go of the trying to connect and just focusing on my own growth, my own journey (which at the time was fertility related) and it was then that the friends that came into my life were the ones that were either in a similar space or had been there before. I suppose in a nutshell, we attract what we are needing if we recognize what it is we need. I was needing women in my life that had gone through their own fertility journeys and those are the blogs I was reading and those were the women I firstly connected with. Then it just grew from there...to friends of friends of those bloggers that weren't going through (in)fertility but were going through some type of grief and so much of it felt the same. Then it grew from there to women that were going through a healing, resurfacing or reclaiming of self and embracing the artist within and so on. Some of us have stayed connected through all the many layers and ever evolving paths.

All this to say that what I love about Squam is that it welcomes all of it. All journeys. All paths. All spirits...wherever you are. Even if you're in a space where you don't feel creative or artistic (someone asked me if Squam was just for seasoned artists, which it isn't...its for all levels). It's for you too. Its for all of us.

So, it feels good to be associated with something that holds a place for everyone and where all can feel a part of something so extraordinary and life altering.

And on a totally different note. I took this shot of Cedar yesterday and had to share it because it is the first shot I got of his two bottom teeth!

laughing with daddy, canon 50d

cheeks.

cedar, a month ago (9 months old), canon 50d

I deliver you cheeks to virtually chew on for your weekend.
This is why I don't get a lot done. I chew...all. day. long.

dread journey continued...

photo by thea coughlin at squam art workshops

I get so many sweet endearing emails about dreamy dread heads to be...or already dreaded peeps asking me what product I put on my dreads or what my maintenance is. There are also these really cool dreadlock Flickr groups where we reach out to strangers and ask one another such things and support one another through this wild journey of knotted hair.

Yet there are some out there that don't have blogs, Flickr or Facebook accounts and this is why I wanted to share my story here, for those folks and also for those that are closet dread heads where no one in your life has any idea you desire these locks for your own head. You're that person working in an office with button up shirts and ties or Banana Republic suits but meanwhile you wish to walk in with knotted hair smelling like patchouli and lighting incense in your cubicle. ; ) Trust me...I was that girl once. This is for you too.

And for that darling anonymous commenter that continues to tell me on a weekly basis how boring and annoying my dread posts or dread photos are, need I remind you that this is my Dread Journey and this is my journal to which I share my life. Which means I will share about it here just like I shared my Fertility & Adoption journeys. That will include photos. Just like all the other dread head blogs I have been reading in the past. I longed for recent photos and details of their journeys. It helped inspire me and gave me strength and bravery for when I decided to take the leap. So, if it bores or annoys you, you might want to just stop reading because I will continue to do this with hopes to help others along the way the same way I was helped. I find those comments so odd (and I don't give them an ounce of energy, really) because it would be like me going into your home, opening up your journal and telling you to write something different. Funny how we would never do that in person but in this public space, hiding under anonymity, people feel more free to spread their negative opinions about you.

And I suppose this opens up an opportunity for me to give a shout out to that other anonymous commenter that continues to tell me on a weekly basis that I am not paying enough attention to my husband as I always talk about Cedar and my relationship with my son. My husband and I actually giggle at these comments, mainly because there is a very good reason I keep him out of most of my posts. My husband now works in education with hundreds of teenagers (some of whom read my blog) and he is more comfy with me keeping most things private or else he will get teased or feel awkward and that's not what I want to bring to my husband's work life. People who know me both on this blog and beyond this blog (especially those reading for years), know that my connection to my husband is deep and romantic and crazy wild in love.

After years of writing a blog, I move through these oddities so much quicker than in the beginning. I am now moderating comments and deleting ones with negative, cruel energy as I want this space to always be a positive and safe space to land for all who come visit with kind intentions.

Okay, wiping hands of such things and moving onto dread goodies...

I wanted to post the most recent photo of my dreads taken last week at Squam by my frister Thea. I like how it is a close up and also shows what I am dealing with right now..."fly aways and fuzz!" At first I sort of freaked out about it. I was so used to the tightness of my dreads when they were first crocheted and I recall my dread stylist telling me "there will be a time when they begin to unravel and get fuzzy and it will be an adjustment period for you.". Most clients that live close to her make an appointment when the unraveling begins if they so desire (some really dig the fuzz right away and don't want it to be fixed). I don't have that luxury since she is all the way in Portland, an airplane ride away for me. So, I am currently planning a maintenance appointment sometime in November when another dear blog friend is getting her dreads. We thought it would be fun to coordinate these appointments and make a girl-fest out of it.

This maintenance appointment will consist of her tightening my roots (because they've grown out a bit) and crocheting in the long pieces of fly away hairs that have completely come out and working back in the fuzz wherever I want it tucked in. All done with none other than a crochet hook (no products).

That's the other thing...since I have crocheted dreads, I don't use wax products like other dread heads do that used products/backcombing in the very beginning to create their dreads. The products I use are only made of essential oils, water and aloe vera gel. This is just my personal preference. Some really love the other way of creating locks.

I started using Dr. Bronners Lavender Castille Soap but what I noticed was that it left behind some residue and I started getting little soap flakes on my scalp and dreads. It also made my scalp more itchy. Not very sexy... at. all. This may not happen to others as my dread stylist LOVED Dr. Bronners but it didn't work for me and the texture of my hair.

So, my husband ordered me some Dread Soap from Dread Head HQ and I love love love it. I notice that not only does it not leave behind residue but my dreads have felt tighter and cleaner.

To make my dreads feel soft and smelly good, I use the following essential oil sprays:

• Aura Cacia Aromatherapy Mist in Patchouli & Sweet Orange (got at Whole Foods)
• Knottyboy Peppermint Cooling Moisture Spray (for itchy scalp and dry dread relief)

My hubs also bought me Knottyboy Locksteady Dreadlock Tropical Tightening Gel. I have only used it on one dreadlock to test it and noticed a wee bit of a difference but wasn't sure about how my dread felt a bit hard rather than soft. I may have put too much on. It says to use a teeny bit.

And just for fun...must show you the basket hat Boho Boy bought me for my birthday. It fits my dreads so well. That was one thing I missed at Squam, was a hat for my head when it was freezing in our cabin at night (hat didn't arrive in time for my trip). It is the perfect hat to wear this Winter, dear dreadies. Here are a few more lovelies for your pretty heads as well.

This is where I have purchased some dread beads. Beads are so fun. I take them out when I shower but put them back on different dreads when I feel inspired. Some leave them in at all times. I like to change it up a bit. My husband bought some more gorgeous beads for me here.

For those of you that are just now coming to this space and wondering where I got my dreadlocks, I went to the Dread Goddess at Akemi Salon in Portland. I wrote about it here on my blog.

It warmed my heart when I was approached a few times at Squam by some lovelies that wanted to share with me they understood why I did what I did. They got that getting dreads for me was so much more than a change of hairstyle. That I had been associating my beauty with my long flowing hair and have been hiding behind it a bit. It was absolutely refreshing to walk around Squam and not care what my hair looked like or not spend time making it look lovely. I am hardly consumed with my hair now and I can put my energy towards heart things. It is also so many other things to me but I have already shared it all here before.

Well, I hope this helps. It has been fun getting in contact with dread lovelies all around the world and sharing the wisdom and emotions and the support. It is an interesting and unique process to go through and it so helps to not feel alone. That may sound dramatic but truly...having a bunch of knotty ropes on your head can really bring up some interesting stuff people! ; )