grain free pumpkin pancakes*

A lot of time and energy goes into what we put into our bodies in this house. Each of us have sensitivities that are crucial to our health and well being. I was born with Celiac, unable to digest gluten and my tummy is intolerant to most fish except shell fish. Boho Boy has an intolerance to gluten, dairy, soy, peanuts, almonds, sunflower seeds, safflower oil and citric acid (those last two ingredients are in everything!). Cedar seems to feel more calm and clear on a grain free/gluten free, corn free, peanut free, high protein, low carb diet.

Because of our various needs, not one "diet" out there works for our family, which is okay with us because we are used to not fitting into a box. We love to eat and we love eating for pleasure too. So you can imagine the creativity that needs to go into our meals. Oh my!

With much trial and error, we have learned we all feel better juicing our own fruit and veggie juices, eating more raw, mostly vegetarian, meat/fish just a few times a week and light on brown rice breads/pastas. It has taken us years to fully grasp what works for each of our very individual bodies and create a food lifestyle that is in harmony for all of us. Because we all know that making three different meals is just not super fun, no matter how much you love cooking! I just now feel like I have a grasp on this and am more aware of what to look for as far as recipes and substitutes.

Today I found this recipe over at The Detoxinista, a blog I discovered while doing a search for grain free goodies. She's brilliant and has some really lovely recipes on her site. I wanted to share this one with you because they truly do taste like pancakes and I am looking forward to trying different flavors with them.

My pumpkin-lovin' boys were in heaven and wanted seconds and thirds. I had to substitute almond butter for Boho Boy's homemade cashew butter because of his allergy to almonds but they turned out perfect.

Boho Boy's Cashew Butter

Ingredients:

• 1 cup cashews
• 1/4 cup maple syrup
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 tablespoon oil (we use grapeseed or walnut)
• Dash of vanilla extract

Instructions:

• Blend it like mad. Add some water/oil or maple syrup to achieve desired creaminess...and to help the blender along as it stops.

Pumpkin Pancakes

Ingredients:

• ½ cup almond or cashew butter
• ½ cup pumpkin puree
• 2 whole eggs
• ½ teaspoon baking soda
• ½ teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
• ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon honey

Instructions:

• Preheat your oven to 350F, and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
• In a medium bowl, combine all of the ingredients and mix until a smooth batter forms.
• Use a ¼ cup to scoop the batter on the parchment-lined baking sheet
• Bake for 10-12 minutes, until the pancakes are fluffy and golden.
• Serve warm, with pure maple syrup or whatever you desire

Yum Yummity Yum Yum.

silences*

I'm sitting here at the coffee shop listening to the most beautiful, soulful, haunting and heart-ache-full classical music. I wish I knew the composer. I'll ask when it quiets down. The music led me to these images and so I share them with you here. I have no words. They were emptied when the music started. I am accepting that its okay I have no words. Lately I've been drawn to the feeling in between, before and after words come. The deep breaths and pauses and gazes and long sighs. These silences are where my heart pulses with soul. And they feel enough.

I wonder what story these images tell you...

a fun question*

the coffee she made for me.  she always designs just what i need on the foam.

I was at a local coffee shop that I frequent often. I stood at the register, my eyes moving up and down the menu, feeling a little overwhelmed by the choices and not at all sure what I wanted.

"Do you need help?" the beautiful blue doe-eyed Barista asked.  She's there every time I come in.

"Yes! Yes, I would actually love some help." I responded, blushing. "Today, you look like a lavender white mocha". She said.

I smiled because that drink does feel a bit like something I would choose had I seen it on the menu and I wondered how she knew that about me.

We exchanged a few bright eyed glances and smiles and then she asked while foaming the milk...

"If you could be any role in a movie, what would it be?"

I giggled, surprised by the question and then found my mind drifting to The Princess Bride. That film holds such good memories for me at a time when my life felt so simple and innocent and less complicated.

"Princess Buttercup". I answered.

Her whole face lit up.  "Good one."

Me, the hopeless romantic and lover of long curly hair and beautiful renaissance dresses and believing in someone's word...and in "true love". ; )  I am sure if I had enough time and mindfulness in that moment (without anyone waiting behind me in line), I could have come up with something deeper and perhaps indie but I love my knee-jerk answer, for that moment and how it made me feel.

So now I'd like to turn it over to those that are reading this. If you could play a role/character in a movie, who would it be and why?

{Boho Boy answered "Han Solo"...which is so him!}

sponsor GIVEaway*

designs by Moorea Seal

Moorea and I are so excited to offer this giveaway. She is inspired by the energy here in this space and her designs are guided by the bohemian woman. I'm so drawn to the elegance of her boho style.

There are 3 different ways for you to enter this giveaway for a $50 gift certificate! Feel free to enter all 3 different ways, leaving 3 different comments to let us know all the ways you have entered. Up your chances! Please note, there will be ONE WINNER. One person will win the gift certificate. Thanks lovelies!

ENTRY #1: Visit Moorea's shop and leave a comment here letting us know which item in her shop is your favorite! ENTRY #2: Tweet about this giveaway and leave a second comment here letting us know. ENTRY #3: Post about this giveaway on Facebook and leave a third comment here letting us know. Update: WINNER is Katie Cartwright!  Moorea will contact you very soon

circling asia canaday*

Mani, taken by Jeanette LeBlanc

My dear friend Mani needs circling, support, help. She shares her story here.

two passages that help me feel clearer*

clearer, self portrait

The past few weeks I've felt clearer than usual. I think its a combination of things: An awareness that this year, new age marks a greater consciousness for us humans. I have felt it in the streets and in stores when out and about. A bit more kindness and softness. More smiles and warmth exchanged. A deeper gratefulness to be here. People seem less afraid to engage in conversation. In fact just a second ago, a lovely woman sitting near me at the coffee shop leaned over and asked me a few questions. She didn't really feel like a stranger. A barista brought me my drink and he said giggling "Here's your foggie!" in reference to the London Fog steaming in my mug. We both laughed. It was such a kindred thing to say! Something I would call my drink. This is what I mean about not being strange-ers. I just feel this Universal shift of oneness. Perhaps just on a small scale right now but I have hope that these vibrations will expand out to all humanity.

Speaking of this gig of Being Human, today I read this...

poem by Rumi

Oh how this brought a newish clarity to me, even though this awareness and wisdom has lived in my heart over the years as I've navigated some ache from relationships. Recently, I felt it fully sink in on a deeper level. I needed this shift in perspective of feeling wounded to feeling grateful for that ache, pain, separation, rejection, whatever it may be between me and another human that didn't go as I had longed or hoped. "Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."

Our pain and sorrow, our hurt...it offers us compassion for those around us that may be going through something similar. It give us an opportunity to love deeper and wider...ourselves and others. It brings us to our knees so that we can reMember our strength to stand and be brave in allowing others to help lift us. So much, so much! Our pain and sorrow are gifts. Sometimes I grasp this concept immediately and the healing moves faster through my body, my heart. Sometimes, depending on the layers, it can take days, months years for me to recognize fully why I am grateful something happened the way it did.

But now I have Rumi to remind me.

And in that pain, when in the thick mucky gook of it, when we find ourselves in a spiral, there is goodness in that too.

The other day, I reached out to a friend spilling some anxieties and fears, knowing my thoughts were completely unraveling and out of my control in the moment, I said "These feelings are so unfamiliar. Am I spiraling?"

And she sent me this passage...

passage from Jack Kornfield in his book After the Esctasy, the Laundry

I felt myself lay back, arms wide open...fully embracing the spiral because spiraling is human and we all do it and how healing, how validating is it to just surrender? Surrender to the dance with an awareness that we will eventually come back to our center? And in that returning to center, we will be fuller and wiser? Sigh. Good good stuff. "In the course of this great spiral, we return to where we started again and again, but each time with a fuller, more open heart."

Mmmmm...I wanted to share these nuggets with you as they were shared with me. They offered me compassion and patience, surrender and relief for mySelf, for others and especially for those "guides" that come into my life. ; )

The Secret Life of Darkness*

art above is a beautiful gift from rain, created by messycanvas

Sweet Darkness

When your eyes are tired the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark where the night has eyes to recognize its own.

There you can be sure you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb tonight.

The night will give you a horizon further than you can see.

You must learn one thing: the world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn

anything or anyone that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

~ David Whyte ~ (House of Belonging)

I am so grateful to this beautiful soul in my life. For offering this quote by David Whyte at a time when I needed to meet these words and this truth.

Ahhh. The idea that the cocoon, the darkness I have surrendered to the past few years has been a WOMB shifted everything for me.

Moving to the Pacific Northwest meant a new beginning for me in many layered ways. I chose this as a time to strip myself slowly of that which didn't bring me life and the figuring out of why it didn't and what truly does bring life was a unexpectedly painful process. My pulling back and peeling layers was nothing personal to anyone or anything. It was all me and my own soul work, all inward and inner. My intentions were to live more in the present, in the flesh and learn to not rely so deeply on online connections for attention, validation, and ego strokes. To relearn how to feel LOVED and worthy and purposeful in my silence. It was full of ache and loneliness. It almost felt like a detox of sorts. Yet it was also very FREEing to create and honor such a simplicity around me. I know this type of lone-quest is not for everyone, nor needed by everyone. It was just what it took for an empath like me to hush the noise and be naked and pure about my choices. To live intentionally, inspired by my own intentions and not influenced by others feelings about me or outside of me. I was quiet and nourished in this womb and the rebirthing process is beginning. I am surfacing with a deeper awareness of boundaries needed to protect my heart and what surrounds me and my family and acceptance of my sensitivities and needs and those of my family. Acceptance of self. Oh, that's a big one for me.

These words specifically from David Whyte spoke to it all for me; "Give up all the other worlds except the one to which you belong. Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn..."

Sigh. Yes, oh yes. My aloneness. My quest of unbelonging, which is leading me to my belonging.

I am forever grateful to those that stood near me in my silence, who saw the vastness of my heart and met me in my own quiet, along with their own quiet, each in our own wombs, aware of the other but with no expectations. This woman below is one of them.

My soul-friend Rain, wrote these words for me, for all of you, may you soak them in and let them marinate as a New Year begins:

***********

all images by rain

Winter's dark casts long shadows over a reluctant dawn. I am soaked in laconic light. I write these words within days of December's solstice, always grateful for year's end, this quiet space for reflection and closure. The past twelve months have been my own kind of (soul)stice, the gift of one long, dark night designed to heal me from what I always feared most.

That's what darkness has become for me. Healing.

We are conditioned to consider darkness as something to run from. To avoid. We think of it as the opposite of light, in terms of good versus evil, or horror versus bliss. I grew up with a crippling kind of Dark in the form of deep, abiding fear. At a very young age it became the bread I tasted, the water flooding my cells, the breath I inhaled and held. Fear of God and man. Fear of myself. My future. Fear of the wayward longings of my heart and even my heart itself. It was the kind of fear, I wrote once, that picks apart everything sacred and beautiful until nothing holy remains.

Our life history shapes what darkness means. Our stories shape what haunts us. But darkness doesn't have to be scary, and when reach the end of all we know, perhaps the end of ourselves, we discover the most surprising thing of all: that this darkness? The vast unknown? Everything we're frightened of, the thing we construct our lives around to avoid?

All. Gift.

Let the sun fall in your cupped hand. Today be only this: the thing that holds the light. ~ Shawnacy Kiker

My humble, gentle, you-can-do-this secret

The truth is, all life begins in the dark.

What is a cocoon, but a dark place of protection, safety, and transformation?

What is solstice, but a place of reflection and rest?

What is the earth, but a dark place for germination of seed?

All darkness is a womb if we allow it to be. And what is a womb, but a hollow space for light?

What healed me from fear also healed my heart from an intensely negative concept of darkness. It became a brilliant invitation to my own awakening, and I? Witness to my own birth. You can do this too, love. I will tell you how:

• Take a deep breath.
• Exhale.
• Gather moonlight and spirit. We all need a little magic.
• Nourish your heart with the bread of comm(unity).
• Pack the hollow spaces in your bones with deep, divine Love.
• Drench your cells with the water of life.
• Your guides are Truth and Spirit but the journey is yours alone. Kiss your feet, place your soles on the earth. Let your toes become alive.
• Go there.
• Yes, there.
• Go. There.

Whatever it is you fear most, whatever your darkness means to you, whatever haunts you and desperately needs healing, move directly into it.

You can do this. You are stronger than you know. Life is on the other side.

Everything you want

is on the other side of fear.

George Addair

I chose unafraid as my word for 2012 and it was only when I embraced for the first time my reality of fear did I begin the arduous yet hopeful task of healing it. Because, truthfully? Fear means this matters. Fear says, this is meaningful to your deepest self. Fear is a wise old woman who knows us better than we know ourselves and who can help guide us home. She tells us, wherever I am, dig deep here. Right here. This is where you need to be. Pay attention. Fear is like an internal systems analyst adjusting her heavy black framed glasses and speaking soft through bold red lips: darling, this is really really really important and you are dizzy and sick because the whole universe of you hangs by a tender silver thread and anyone could come by and whisk it away like they were brushing a spider web off their face. It is that vulnerable.

And when fear's panicked fury subsides and we take deep, shaky breaths, when we bravely melt into the shuddering silence after a storm, this is when we discover something new and wholly unexpected: we find, all along the dark and pummeled seashore of our tender earth-selves, the most radiant, moon-holy of pearls. Rain-soaked and gleaming.

But before we can find them, we must listen.

Darkness is the most sacred portal to life. To become vibrantly alive, leaping from a flat page of black and white into a world of vivid color ~ colors we can taste, breathe, savor ~ we must listen to the secrets of darkness. Remember this, the next time you look around and see no light.

For what is faith, but a journey through the dark?

And I promise you, love, that the day will come. You will, in the words of Rilke, break into being. In the words of a dear friend and favorite poet, that day will come, when

the fear-voice grows small like an echo or a photograph from atop a distant hill 50 years ago,

and when the joy, and the life voice grow strong and near and full of strange woven music - turbulent and prophetic.

from Anthem, by Shawnacy Kiker

Fear, like darkness, has a quiet voice, a grown up kind. And our darkness has something to say, all whispery with promises and barely there:

Honey, can you hold on?

Because if you sit with me a while, I will teach you something sacred.

offerings from the sea & new years goodness*

Yesterday my boys and I took the ferry over to Lummi Island. Its such an enchanting and magical place. When we spend time there, we continue to find such beautiful offerings from the sea: stones, shell pieces, sea glass, colorful seaweed and driftwood. I plan to create a couple of art pieces from our finds for our home and also will send pieces to some dear ones in my life. Oh how I enjoy those moments when my boys and I are side by side but in our own little creative zone, listening to the shore coming in and gazing at the mist surrounding. This is one of my most favorite places.

New Years Eve is tomorrow and as it approaches, I find myself moving into this new space, new age of consciousness with a deeper awareness of self, of my family and each of our needs. 2012 for me was a time to cocoon with my family, to let go of so much in my life that didn't feel in alignment with what me or my family needed and to keep it simple by being as present as I could for my boys. This meant being away from the screen as much as possible and close to nature and flesh. It meant remembering how life flowed before social media and finding a rhythm that felt safer and cozier for my heart in regards to how, why, what and with whom I shared my heart. It was my year of quiet, gentle, safe, listening, paying deep attention and inner, inner, inner work.

All of this leads me to my next post to come (in a few days) written by both me and a dear soul in my life. We talk about walking through darkness and what darkness means for each of us. A different perspective on it entirely. Both her and I let go of so much in our life in 2012: ways of feeling, thinking and believing, relationships and social medias, that no longer felt life bringing and with that there is grief and longing and unraveling and renewing and rebirthing. I look forward to sharing it with you.

Until then, I will think of all of you as me and my boys and my dear brother in law and his new wife gather around the bonfire on New Years Eve as the moon and stars shine down on us and we let go, let go, let go and create intentions for 2013.

a christmas eve wedding*

Boho Brother got married!!

I have a feeling hearts will be breaking all over blogland. ; ) We've received so many lovely and brave emails over the years from blog readers confessing their crushes on our dear Boho Bro. We fully understood why as his energy can be felt even across the screen. I've been honored to be his sister and witness the unique and beautiful soul he is. He's taken such gentle care of himself out in the woods, communing in nature over the last handful of years and has finally found an earth goddess to join him. To frolic free in Mother Nature, create art with natural elements and be each other's soul medicine. They refer to themselves as the "dragonfly couple" because of their connection to dragonflies. I adore that so.

The ceremony was yesterday, on Christmas Eve in the afternoon up top a waterfall in the woods. Boho Boy was the officiant, which made it so deeply special for each of us. Very intimate, earthy, simple and spiritual. Boho Bro made his bride a nature crown. She tied a feather into his hair. He surprised her with fairy dust to sprinkle around them. They faced North, South, East and West. They drank water from the rushing waterfall behind them in the raven cups we gave them as a gift. They surrounded themselves in clam shells they found around our bay and used them as tea light holders. The shells were sent back to the elements by Boho Bro setting them free to swim down the waterfall when the ceremony was finished. We shared German champagne from their mother and toasted to their father whose own free spirit would have been so proud of this moment. Mmmmm...

But my favorite moment was when he howled at the moon as she wept and giggled into his shoulder. So organic and true.

And it was FREEZING and they were barefoot and I love them for that. ; )

We wanted to share this precious gift with you in the spirit of Christmas. Merry Christmas to all. Warmth, peace and a covering of unconditional love to each of you and your families.

the body stories*

When I was asked by the lovely Sas to be part of this project, it felt so so good in my bones. I have been trying to be really conscious about how much I can give right now in my life based on the reserves I have left after being present with what is in front of me. As I have shared here before, saying no in order to take care of myself and my family has been something I have had to learn. But this project gave me that burning in the belly and I knew my voice had a place here. I said yes and I am so glad I did. I am moved by Sas and her desire to help women who want to heal their body relationship. My relationship to my body has been a spiritual journey all on its own...as it continues to be.

These collection of stories about women and their relationship to their bodies is so deeply real and moving and from various perspectives. I was reading through them in the middle of the night in bed, taking deep breaths, wiping my tears, sighing big sighs and feeling so not alone and validated. I found my own ache and celebration and freedom in each of their stories. What we all need, yes?

You can download the free PDF The Body Stories here.

wintry holiday love*

Just wanted to share some images of the last few weeks. Really sinking into this season. Cocooning within the warmth of our home. I am so dearly in love with our sweet little Christmas tree. Its my favorite of all.

Been preparing our hearts and home for our dear brother (Boho Brother) to come out for two weeks with his love. It will be my first time meeting her in the flesh. Such a special time with them as we get to share Solstice, a full moon, Christmas and New Years together!

Omi left a few days ago and was here for a week. We are so grateful how our family is so sensitive to Cedar's need for less crowded spaces. At my sister's farm during Thanksgiving, we were given a huge beautiful room upstairs to go to when he needed quiet and my mother in law opted to come out earlier in December so that Cedar would have more space throughout holiday visits. I am moved to tears by our family and their support this year.

I would love to hear your plans for Solstice, Christmas and New years.

asking for what we need*

Yesterday, Cedar whispered to me that he needed quiet but wanted me to join him. So we tip toed upstairs and I tucked him into our bed. I laid near him just marinating in the quiet. The shifting rhythm of the holidays has been a lot for him, for all of us. Us visiting family, family visiting us, the house transformed into sparkly twinkle newness. This transition and this shifting, this "change" that this holiday brings is something I am more aware of than I have ever been in my life.

A dear friend of mine has reminded me the importance of asking for what you need and that can be done in so many ways. Just the awareness of our needs alone is a journey in and of itself. Cedar has been a reminder...sometimes fierce reminder, sometimes a gentle one: of how important it is to simply ask. Whether its a howl or a whisper...to just ask for what we need. I need quiet. I need alone time. I need the lights off. I need to be held. I need less talking across the table. All things Cedar has learned to ask for. All things I am remembering that I need too. And even if I am unable to have those things in the moment I need them, just knowing I need them alone gives me permission to be gentler on myself and others.

dance dance dance*

Lykke Li & Bon Iver Tonight my husband pulled me into his office and told me to put his huge earphones on and said "Here is some inspiration for you honey...she has amazing musicality!"

He had this video up for me to watch. Oh my. Inspired indeed.

Wanted to share. Mmmmm...enjoy.

advent bags*

While at my sister's farm last week, my marmie brought me a copy of the latest Better Homes & Garden magazine. She had dog-eared an article about Maria Carr (writer of the blog Dreamy Whites) and her family's french farmhouse in Northern California. She knew I would be attracted to the way Maria expressed herself in her home.

One of the images in the article showed advent bags hung from two birch branches. I was so inspired by the idea! I knew it would suit my home and that our wee gnome would be delighted to climb a ladder and pull out a Wei Chocolate each day until Christmas. ; )

My husband found these birch branches in our back yard. I used two different types of muslin bags that I ordered online, as well as picked up at a craft store. I used dutch butcher twine to tie the branches together and number stamps with brick red ink for the dates.

My marmie also surprised me with a bowl au lait from Maria's shop:

{freshly washed duck and hen eggs from my neighbor}

i love him so*

first image: such a HIM face : )

I remember a dear friend once telling me that once Cedar turned 3, that my husband and I would somehow find our way back to one another as a couple apart from being a family. My friend and I were talking about how much we missed our husband's even though they were near us most of the day. We loved one another just as much, if not more but our energy and our reserves were devoted to our child and creating a nourishing lifestyle for him and by the end of the evening, we were happy to just sit near one another in silence and surrender to our exhaustion. I found myself concerned about our connectedness until my friend honored and validated me. I was in awe of her relationship with her husband and it felt reassuring to hear with both of their children, the first three years of their child's life shifted how they connected to one another. Not a lot of people talk about this or perhaps they aren't aware or perhaps they are too tired to be aware. But it felt validating, nonetheless.

My husband and I had many conversations about it. Allowing ourselves to be gentle in the midst of learning to be parents and put less pressure on needing to be crazy romantic lovebirds like we were before Cedar came into our lives. We looked at intimacy with a greater perspective and what intimacy meant to us as a family. Being in constant communication about our relationship hushed the gremlins that told me we had to be like them or them or even them. We just had to be us and us was pretty amazing and lots of fun. It was so good for me in that it broadened my mind about what romance is.

So three years old came around and my expectations of lots of romantic dates and hours of eye gazing and deep conversations came crashing to the ground. Oh those darn expectations! Its a constant lesson for me to let go of them. Even when I think I have none, I discover I do. Three for Cedar was full of so many transitions. It was the transitions that brought to surface many of Cedar's anxieties and sensitivities and our world's had to take pause. Three years old was an intense year for us as a family and just like our fertility journey, it drew my husband and I ever closer as we cocooned and healed. If I could say the most important thing that helped was the many times I came into his office (in our home) and plopped on his leather chair facing his desk and expressed my need to feel connected to him in all of this wildness. He would turn away from his computer and look into my eyes. We would find one another in those moments and whether it was about Cedar and his needs or the color blue, it was enough to just be present and it held us together.

As Cedar approached four, we felt happening what my friend talked about happening at three. As Cedar became more aware of his sensory sensitivities, he started to get into a rhythm of expressing his anxieties and needs rather than us navigating it for him. We found a beautiful and delightful babysitter that just "gets" him and his humor and his need to go into imaginary worlds. She spends time with him a few times a week and sometimes date nights. This allows me a bit of time to be alone in whatever capacity I need and it allows Boho Boy time alone when he finishes work because I am no longer too depleted to let him go. We also began connecting with a dear family a few doors down and each of us started to make dates with them. Me meeting her for coffee or tea or going on a walk and him meeting for guy time to play disc golf. One of their daughters comes over twice a week to play with Cedar and help guide him with how to share ideas and release the need to control everything in order to feel safe. We also have been surrounded by a few other souls that have compassion for Cedar and our journey. And all of these things may sound so simple to most of you...but to me, they are golden. They have breathed life into our hearts this year.

All this to say, through it all, my relationship with my husband is deepening and renewing. In fact the other day he had me belly laughing and he paused and said "its good to hear you laugh with me like that again!". I realized in that moment how seriously I have taken everything around me. I've had no choice.  But the permission to embrace lightness is welcoming. Boho Boy's humor is one of the first things about him that I fell madly in love with. I feel like we are remembering what drew us to each other in the very beginning. Its been so so good. I love him so.

Giving Thanks & Turning Four!

{image of us taken last week by a kind stranger that offered}

I was going to write a list of things I was grateful for as Thanksgiving approaches but a list felt more than what I needed. Simplicity is filling my days. Focusing on just one thing I am grateful for is all I need in this moment.

This morning. I am grateful for this morning when my limbs were tangled with my husband and my heart was beating wildly in love and Cedar came into our room just when our lips were about to touch. Peeling away from my husband and reaching towards him as he climbed up into our bed. It felt both frustrating and amazing. And it felt dreamy: this wish I tucked away in my younger girl heart to feel this much love for my husband and for my child. To have Cedar tucked in between us while we looked at one another with a sigh and longing. It was good. So good. And enough to fill my page. Just that one thing on my list. And thank goodness Cedar went into his room to play. ; )

I would love to hear one thing...just one thing you are grateful for.

...and Cedar turns four on Thanksgiving!! We are heading to Northern California soon to be with family the remainder of the week. I miss each of them so.

these days...

There have been some really healing and beautiful shifts happening in my life, in my heart lately. I've noticed my chest expanding wider when I am on my lake walks. I notice I am laughing more heartily. I am kissing my husband deeper. My cheeks ache a bit from smiling longer. I notice I am resisting less and embracing more of what is in front of me. Truly its the little guy in all the photos above that is my teacher.

You know, there have been a lot of projects and retreats and offers coming to me lately that I've had to say no to. Not because I don't feel passionate about them or not feel I have a bit of peace & love to offer but because my purpose right now feels really clear. That purpose is to be fully present for Cedar and learn how it is we can support him, love him, nurture him and help him find his footing.

The move to the yellow house rocked his world. It brought a lot to the surface for him and for us as a family and we had to surrender to so so much. I've had to be very protective of this time and space for us and set boundaries that are not easy for someone like me to set. I'm a LOVER of people and life and I want to let everyone in and embrace the whole of what comes my way but I haven't had the reserves. I've had to be really selective, cautious and careful and that can be so hard. This protectiveness has led me to the folks in my life that truly see me and love me and our family and trust our choices. It has led me to folks that have less expectations of us.

There is a writing project that I feel deeply connected to that I've been asked to participate in. But I haven't had the time or energy because of all that is going on with Cedar and his therapy. I wrote to the woman spearheading the project. A woman who is becoming a dear soul in my life. I apologized to her for dropping the ball on the deadline and explained to her why, even though I knew she was aware. This is what she responded to me...

"There is something really grounded and strong about your words at the moment. I have an image of you as a mountain lion taking care of her cub with a fierce beauty." I read her words while at a coffee shop and I felt myself swallow hard and the tears just flowed. I wrote telling her that when reading those words, I was THAT girl at the coffee shop in tears. Although I didn't really pay attention to what or who was around me in that shop but how GOOD that VISION she offered to me felt. Mmmmm. Mmmm. Good.

Right now in my life, I need to feel safe in my relationships. I need gentleness. I need understanding and forgiveness. I need wide open spaces. I need alone time to rejuvenate. I need to not commit to much else but my family. I need tenderness. I need compassion. I need to allow people and things into my heart that feel what one of my dearest soul sister's calls "LIFE GIVING". And I am grateful, so very grateful that I am being offered so much of what I need by those I love, trust and am drawing near to me and are circling us during this time. I think that just happens when you are really clear about what you need.

Oh geez, here I am again...THAT girl in the coffee shop in tears but I am smiling and the salty tears just drifted into my mouth and onto my tongue and it is the most delicious and healing elixir for me these days.

Here are a few photos of Cedar (below) at his occupational therapy. This was last week when he decided that he did not want to climb up this rope without the support of his furry stuffed companions on his back. And that warmed my heart to the core. That he is learning and cultivating a deep knowing of what he needs to move through this life.

He knew he couldn't do it alone and you know what? Neither can I.

Sponsor GIVEaway ~ Gypsy Wings*

{skeleton leaf necklace}

I am so thrilled to be offering this GIVEaway in my space. Georgia (the designer) is one of my favorite people in the Universe. We have a long history in this internet space. She's always been one to keep me laughing even when things are hard and mucky. She reminds me to find humor in everything and to laugh at myself often. Laughter is my medicine. It takes one to know one. I've been blessed enough to be near her in person a handful of times and this woman is the real deal. She's the kind of gal that will bring you a coffee and a warm hug in the early morning before your flight home. So generous, so true to everything she is passionate about and pours her heart, hands and soul into.

Meet the love-ely Georgia:

georgia cranston "I am a mama, a dreamer, a lover, an avid reader, an artist and a writer…

I am a photographer, I chase light and capture moments.

I believe in faeries, and magic.

I like to bask in the glow of a full moon, and dip my toes into the ocean."

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Skeleton Leaf Necklace

"There is something so lovely and delicate about a skeleton leaf. The intricate design of the veins, the transparency...

This necklace has a pendant with a unique metal frame and an off white skeleton leaf encased between 2 pieces of glass. The chain is approximately 24 inches and has an antique silver finish and has wooden and glass leaf shaped beads, in shades of green, brown and gold.

This necklace will look amazing paired with earthy colors, or even a simple black top and jeans. People will be amazed at its simple elegance.

In addition to the GIVEaway, this week Boho Girl's readers can enjoy 10% off of any item in my shop when using the coupon code BOHOBLOG at checkout! Also, because I am loving it so much, I am including a 5ml bottle of doTerra Wild Orange essential oil. This essential oil is calming and uplifting to the body and mind."

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Here is me wearing (today, in fact! serendipity!) a butterfly wing pendant design she made just for me. I love love love it and the magic it offers me.

GIVEaway rules:

• To enter for the Skeleton Leaf Necklace, please leave a comment
• One comment per person, please
• Comments will remain open until Friday morning
• Winner will be announced Friday

COMMENTS CLOSED. ; )

Winner: #30...Carey.  I will get you in touch with Georgia, Carey!  Congrats. xoxo

happy halloween/samhain*

{channeling max from where the wild things are}

From our family to yours...let the wild rumpus start! Be safe and free, full of imagination and FUN however you choose to spend this day.

My husband is hoping to offer the neighborhood kids a ride on the back of our tractor trailer tonight if it doesn't rain too hard. Cedar is just healing from a stomach flu, so we are going gently today. I hope to make this pumpkin soup tonight sent to me by my sister and my other sis is in town, which was such a gift while Cedar was not well the last few days. I love my family.

{my dear friend em is teaching a fabulous felting workshop starting this friday, do check it out! she made me a laptop cover a few years ago with a beautiful tree on the front and i always get comments on it. she is amazing and has so much to offer those who want to create yummy things with felt!}

swimming in secrets*

Yesterday, right before falling asleep in the tree swing while his friend Emily was swinging him he said... "When I close my eyes, my brain feels like you're telling me secrets and I'm swimming in it."

Deep sigh. Every day he says something profound that we revel in. I am really loving venturing into his imagination and world these days. There is always something there that teaches me.

I would love to hear some deep words from some of the little souls in your life, if you remember and are inspired to share.

{you can see where our swing is hung in the background of this photo}