our life through her eyes*

Our dear Brit Beauty came to our home for some respite in between her book tour. It felt good to offer her a space where she had no expectations or places to be or people to meet. Although this brave introvert loves that part of connecting on her travels and teaching her workshops and at gatherings, she also loves the feeling of lounging in pajamas and home and family...just. like. me.

As she spent a few days witnessing my new life here, it was such a gift to see some of it through her eyes. I felt she captured part of us that not many get to see. Above are all images captured with her iPhone that I wanted to share. My next post will be images of her visit through my eyes.

ps. Cuteness overload for the day: Cedar calls Susannah "P'sanna". Omg.

Sponsor GIVEaway & Guest Post*

Greetings lovelies...

I am so grateful to Denise for allowing me to share here and have this GiveAway...

I've created an online sanctuary for women to gather as we journey inward, nourishing our spiritual roots. We will integrate concepts from various nature-based and philosophical perspectives, within the context of a Metaphysical paradigm, and bridge our understandings of Self with that of our Family, Local and World Communities.

Intuitive Heart Sanctuary is an online retreat for enhancing Self-Awareness within Community and Nature... This is an eCourse and Social Gathering all-in-one!

The Intuitive Heart Sanctuary is designed to nurture and awaken your spirit with teachings and prompts that guide you into heightened awareness and deep appreciation of all that surrounds you, including signs and symbols in nature and all the beings and events that show up on your life's path.

It’s a venue to witness what shows up as the flame brightens between us... Featuring weekly videos, podcasts, a photo gallery, engaging activities, forum discussions, complimentary and inspirational music, and lots of resources to support you as you raise your consciousness and awaken to possibility.

This space is private and password protected, and once you register you are able to set up a personal profile within the group so we all get to know each other better. Everyone is encouraged to share thoughts and photos, and highlight their own offerings and services to the group in subtle ways that make it a sustainable network for branching out and supporting one another.

The Intuitive Heart Sanctuary will begin on June 25 - August 19, 2012 for Summer Session.

Get the details and read more about my intention for this offering here at Intuitive Heart Sanctuary.

GIVEAWAY DETAILS:

One of you will be invited to join Intuitive Heart Sanctuary for free!

To Enter to win:

• Leave a comment on this post sharing one thing that has inspired you lately.
• One comment per person, please
• Comments will be open until Monday, June 4th at 10pm PST
• Winner will be announced Tuesday, June 5th

Thank YOU! _______________________________________________________

Lauren Luquin is an Artist and Ordained Minister/Practitioner of Metaphysics living in Southern, CA with her husband, 2 children, and their dog. They enjoy unschooling, urban- farming, and natural living. She shares her poetry, stories, and art on her blog at www.laurenluquin.com. You can also connect with her through Facebook or Twitter. Join Intuitive Heart Sanctuary for Summer Session at www.intuitiveheartsanctuary.com .

baptism*

I remember in the dark of the night, walking up to a friend's cabin at Squam a few years back. She and a few others were huddled in front, bundled in sweaters and scarves but their hair was soaked. Each of their faces were filled with a rosy-cheeked glow. I knew something went down and when I asked, they excitedly told me how they just returned from skinny dipping by moonlight in the lake. I remember feeling my heart take flight for each of them and at the same time, it ached to feel that free in my body and comfortable in my skin.

I've attracted quite a few free spirited friends in my life. I lived vicariously through their stories of running naked with people in a field or soaking nude in a hot springs. I've often wondered what it would feel like to be so uninhibited that way. I wondered if I was capable of not being self conscious. I grew up in a very modest household. We didn't walk around naked like some of my friend's families. We always dressed or went to the bathroom in private. I honor this way of being too. I am grateful that I considered my body, my temple sacred when in romantic relationships at such a young age. All of that served me so well then.

But now, especially lately, I ache for a freedom and acceptance and celebration of my body. Perhaps its turning 40. Perhaps its me wanting to release the wounds left from (in)fertility and the doubts that crept in about me being fully woman. Perhaps its me being more open to the call of sisters long before me that danced under the moon with their skin glowing and curves swaying up on a mountaintop where shame didn't exist. Perhaps me pulling the layers of clothing off would feel symbolic to me of renewal and rebirth and transformation in this new world I am living in. Whatever it is and I know I don't really need to know what it is exactly yet...but this ache led me to something so beautiful that happened yesterday.

A new organic farmer friend of mine invited me over to this glorious house where she is house sitting up on a hill over looking the bay. In my mind, I imagined us snuggling up on the couch with tea and soaking in this very first time her and I had alone. Any other time we were together with both of my boys. Her and I have been longing for girl time. When I arrived, the sun came out and warmed our skin after a spell of such chilled weather, so we decided to say out on the deck. She had told me she put the hot tub on and that she wanted to go in nude. I sat with her on the deck, as we both were petting a cat and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. She held me gently with her gaze, and I felt the tears come and I shared with her how healing this will be for me and that I have never been fully nude out in the open with a friend. I knew this was the time. The time to shed the temptation to hide, to shed shame and to accept I am fully woman, along side this other woman...fully woman. She was moved that this was new and tender and that she was the one to honor it all with me.

I found myself wanting to savor the moment. I shed my clothing one by one, slowly. We then soaked our bodies and it was the most natural feeling. Mmmmm...water on skin, sun on face, crisp breeze on shoulders, the sounds of nature echoing around us. I wondered why it took me so long to be in this space but at the same time, I also honored the perfect timing of it all. And now I get it. I get the healing power of being fully nude in mother nature alone or among people you feel safe with. Like a friend said to me yesterday, it felt like a baptism and a coming home to an ancient part of me that wants to be heard and felt and seen and loved and held divine like a newborn is fresh from the womb and into our arms.

This photo was taken shortly after our time together in the tub. Her and I were on our knees, looking out the window, reading from a book of Buddhist quotes. My skin still moist, my dreads still dripping, the peace radiating from my heart. I wanted to take this photo to remember the complete surrender I felt in this moment. The connection to God and Goddess and all things living and breathing. One love surrounding me, within me.

When I looked at this image, I cried. Yes. THAT is how it felt. There it is. Baptism captured.

wrapped up*

my sister darlene walking in her orchard, canon 50d ~ august break #22

 Just like the almond trees in your orchard wrap you up in comfort and love, you wrap me and Cedar up.  We feel so safe, understood and purely loved in your presence.

waiting her arrival*

waiting, canon 50d ~ august break #17

This past weekend I met my girlfriend who was in town for a morning date at a coffeehouse in Little Italy. One of my absolute favorite streets where I live. I left the house extra early so I could sit in my favorite corner and romantically watch all the passersby. I took so many deep breaths. It has been so, so long since I have communed with a girlfriend like this, without interruption from a sweet babe tugging at my elbow or putting a book in my lap or, well...some of you know what I am saying. Since in conversation, I have always been so present with the other person my whole life, I find it hard to juggle my child and my friend. Jess is the same way, so her and I sat across from one another, arms and hands entangled and sometimes just starred at one another in awe that this was even happening. There were some quiet moments of breathing it all in and together watching people walk by...completely honoring that both of us rarely get alone time too. All of my close friends live far from me, so when I am with them, I soak up every morsel.

I am marinating in the idea of creating more time with my girlfriends like this. Planning trips to be with them, asking them to come to me. I left feeling so completely renewed. Windows down, wind in my dreads and ready to go hold my boys at home.

It was good. So, so good.

auntie dd.

my big sis darlene & cedar, happy together ~ canon 50d

My sister Darlene acquired the nick-name "Auntie DD" when it just rolled off of Boho Boy's tongue during Cedar's first days of life. "Do you want Auntie DD to hold you?" His inspiration deeply touched my sister (and me too) and it stuck and it still gives me butterflies to hear it (and her too).

Dar came to visit a few weeks ago. A visit that was a bit spontaneous and so needed for both of us. She is so very drawn to Cedar and his spirit. She truly sees him and gets him and all of his quirks and I am often almost brought to tears at how sweet their connection is. It had been a few months since she had been with him and she wondered if he would remember her. Both Boho Boy and I, along with Cedar picked her up at the airport. When Cedar saw her walking towards him, he suddenly had a huge smile on his face and his whole body was infused with joy and they did this cute thing where they held eye contact for a while up close. Gazing, like lost lovers. Then he did something that is totally their thing. He pointed at her. She was the first person that he ever pointed at months ago and Darlene said to me back then..."that is him saying I love YOU." And she was right. That is what it means for him when he points at people but he doesn't do it to just anyone...and he always does it to her. He did the same thing when he first saw her at Christmas. He pointed at her face when they greeted while she held him and she started crying and then I started crying and my niece Angela did and it was just a YUMMY moment to the core.

Having her here was not only healing for Cedar but for me too. I am at a time in my life where I am going through a lot of shifts emotionally. She provided a safe space for me to try to make sense of it all as it spilled by helping me feel heard and validated. She wrapped me up with tenderness during my dramatic PMS moments. No judgment or rolling of eyes but a soft hand brush on the knee and a nod of compassionate understanding and a warm embrace and gentle wisdom guiding me back to my inner voice.

I remember when I was young with a broken heart from my first love, laying on her chest crying, soaking her blouse and then facing one another on pillows while she stroked my hair telling me "this too shall pass...but it sure sucks right now". She's always been able to meet me where I was and not try to brush the hard parts under the rug. She somehow magically shares her wisdom as my big sister while still empowering me as a grown woman with a mind of my own. She embraces the ways I am unique without trying to influence me to think or feel the way she does. I think that is a gift she has always carried with her. A gift to provide love and shelter and guidance while empowering and teaching and readying you for flight.

I suppose its her belief in me that gives me courage to remember my own strength. I am blessed to have her as a sister and a friend and now an aunt to my son that is a smitten kitten around her.

Darlene shared her thoughts on Cedar here, here, here and here. These all made me laugh out loud and I feel like she said it better than I ever could.

In mid-April, Cedar and I are going to Northern Cali to be with my dear parents and my other yummy sister:: Grandmarmie, Vu-Vu and Auntie Pammie. Ohhhh...they miss him so and I miss them so and the ache to all be together is huge.

We are off to Bellingham and maybe British Columbia for a week. I am going to try to take a media break during that time. I need to snuggle my husband longer, sink my feet into cold sand, dip my fingers into dirt, lay back and drink in the rain, sip hot tea and hold a friend in the flesh, observe my son in an environment that we just might call home someday and revel in transformation to come.

Do visit my new April sponsors while I am gone. Such lusciousness!

{Side note: We saw the Fantastic Mr. Fox last night. LOVED it. We're still talking about it. Oh how I adore Wes Anderson and his movies. Cedar laughed at all the funny parts. How did he know they were funny? He's only 16 months old!}

she's here.

darlene, canon 50d

my big sister is here. arrived last night. she's still sleeping up in the loft. cedar and i have been up for two hours. i am trying so hard to be quiet but he keeps serenading her, looking up through the arched loft windows. like a little romeo to his juliet. so far not a peep from her. i see that she left the dragonfly lights on that are strung across the bed. this means she's had good dreams. the ones that are enchanting. they are magical that way.

cedar is now sitting up on his knees on boho boy's brown leather chair near the bookshelf. he is pulling down books one by one and flipping thru the pages. he always stops at wayne dyer and does more than flip. he stares. i told a friend this the other day while on the phone and she said..."he is so your child".

the window is open. last night it rained and it is still misting this morning. so the wind sounds moist. do you know what i mean? not only feels moist but sounds moist? the birds are still singing outside. there are five on the tree outside of our window. i think they too love the rain here since it rarely falls. how many birds like rain?

i just fed cedar scrambled egg whites sprinkled with goat cheese and oatmeal. also a bit of my banana with sunflower seed butter on it. our bellies are full. our hearts are full. now just if she would wake up so i can go take a shower... ; )