full to bursting.

cedar, 12.5 months

Today I woke up really feeling the season. I sat near the window sipping my hot yerba mate. The window was open a wee bit. I felt the chill. I watched a woman down below walking her dog, holding onto a coffee and was mesmerized by the steam coming from her cup. She crunched the red leaves with her boots (the ones you see above). She was bundled up. I think its finally Christmas in Southern California.

My boys were sleeping. I could hear Boho Boy's heaving breathing through the baby monitor. I glanced up at our Christmas tree and took a deep breath. This time last year we had a newborn. Cedar was one month old. Boho Boy's brother was in town from Canada and we stayed at a hotel near the beach. We were missing family and we thought the beach would make up for that longing. It did...just a little bit. A Christmas we'll never forget. Many hours of snuggling our wee little boy while listening to ocean waves rather than Christmas music. It was surreal. Boho Brother would come in after hours of long walks along the coast and bring us a bag of beautiful rocks and sea pretties.

This year a new tradition is beginning. My older sister Darlene and her husband just bought a farm on an orchard of almond trees in Northern California. On Christmas eve we are having a party at the farm. Finger foods and baked goods and wine and beer and so much togetherness. This will be the first party we've had in years. I am aching to see my grown up nieces and nephews (ages 16 - 27) and sit face to face and hear them. Truly find where they are in all places in their lives.

Christmas morning we will wake up at my parents house at the bottom of the Sierra Foothills and watch Cedar in his bliss, probably snuggled up to Callie-Lu...my parents snickerdoodle, I mean Golden Doodle doggie. Then again to the farm later that day for a more formal turkey dinner. Boho Boy will be barbecuing veggies. My sister Pamela is doing the yams with marshmallow goodness. My niece Angela is stir frying veggies. Darlene & Jay doing the turkey (brined for 24 hours beforehand). Boho Boy, his famous cranberry sauce with bourbon and my marmie is whipping up her delicious layered jello salad.

There will be walks down the orchard lane, all bundled up and arm and arm. Rides on the ATV with Cedar (either squealing or crying...we shall see if it is fun for him!). I am so stoked to see their new home. A home that Darlene said was "meant to gather her loved ones all in one place as much as possible".

Cedar is all everyone is talking about in anticipation for this time together. How this is the first Christmas they are spending with him and how he will be our entertainment and our joy. You can imagine how full my heart feels. It is full to bursting. Full to tears. They have been on this journey with us...every step of the way and because of this, Cedar holds such a remarkable place in their hearts.

We are leaving tomorrow morning and I am taking a blogging break until we arrive home in the New Year.

I wish each of you hearts full to bursting at this time. I wish you gentle flowing peace during the hard parts...as I know full well holidays can be so bitter sweet.

Happy holidays to the most warm, authentic, loving, moving, inspiring, radical, dear and gentle readers in the blog planet.

xo
The Bohos

COOKIE!!!

cedar, 12.5 months, taken with phone

I just had to post this shot I took a few days ago. He looks so elfish and this is why my family calls him a gnome or a wood nymph or a faerie. Its the ears, I think...non?

We're in teething heaven (not). They're popping out everywhere...all at once. That and growing pains. Yesterday he suddenly seemed so tall. Overnight. He is now officially as tall as the tip of my head to my lower waist, if not further.

He also has the chunkiest feet ever. Super wide with a ginormous big toe. A toe that when he was first born, the doctor said "I hope he grows into this toe...its huge." We all laughed. But seriously Flinstone feet all. the. way. They haven't fit in any baby shoes. I was beginning to worry until yesterday, we popped into a cool store and the owner spent time with us, measuring his feet, laughing with me at how chunky they are and fitting him into some funky wide shoes. Shoes that rock his feet like a rock star. He kept swinging his newly adorned feet while in the grocery cart at Trader Joes. We've been happy with bare feet or thick socks but we're going to the bottom of the Sierra Foothills next week to be with the family, where there is ice on the ground and possible snow fall and his feet just need shoes. We're not in Southern Cali anymore Toto.

Oh and Healthy Time Maple Teething Biscuits (that he is eating above) are fabulous. They make my son smell like a pancake drenched in maple syrup.

cedar's 1st birthday cupcake.

Boho Boy grew up with a tradition in his house. Him and his brother would be woken up the morning of their birthdays with a cake and candles and a birthday song sung by his mom and dad. They would make a wish, blow out the candles and then run downstairs to open a few gifts before breakfast.

So, we decided to continue the tradition on Cedar's first birthday. Although, rather than in the morning, we would do it after his morning nap so that he could play with the cupcake. What ended up happening was pretty comical...but I had a feeling it would happen. Lately he's been very tender when he first wakes. He prefers whispers and to be held and rocked until the sleepy in his eyes melt and he becomes more conscious of the world around him. So, I told everyone to tip toe into the room and whisper the song. Me, Boho Boy and Omi did our best being gentle but he sat up in his crib, looking completely traumatized by the candle burning and us singing and he burst into tears. Poor dude. So mommy scooped him up and told everyone to stop singing and we just let him wake up as he was used to.

But as soon as he woke up and finished half of his bottle and flashed his adorable teeny tooth smile, it was time.

I captured it above. He had way more fun painting with the cupcake and flinging it in the air than eating it, of course.

I wanted to share this first with all of you. I also wanted to share how he and Boho Daddy always do Eskimo kisses. ; )

I am loving the idea of creating traditions for our wee family. I can remember growing up how our family traditions held so much security for me. Sometimes it was the calm in the storm. Some traditions we will carry on from our own families and some we will create all on our own (like the birthday fort). My dream is that Cedar can always count on these moments to be that safe space when he needs it.

I would love to hear some of your family traditions.

the boho boys, {click to enlarge}

I had to share this photo that I took at the end of the night last night with my phone. Cedar wanted to spend every waking moment in his bday fort...even the last few moments before his eyes got heavy for sleep. Precious precious.

I also wanted to share a few links:

You can find me over at Creative Therapy here.

Beautiful Lisa over at Doorways Traveler wrote about our moving photo session together here. Her intellectual mind, her warm and huge heart and her brave travels are so very inspiring to me.

one.

One year ago today, Boho Boy and I left our home and never returned the same. We journeyed to Portland, Oregon and rushed to our birth parent's house to find K having contractions, knowing... this. was. it. We scooped her up and together, the four of us helped Cedar into the world. The minute we saw his face, we knew it was him...the one we had been waiting for. The one that kept us pressing on through all the hard stuff...because we knew at the end of the road would be a person so special, so unique, so beautiful and warm. We felt him throughout it all...and there he was, in our arms, snuggling against our skin.

We were just talking this morning about how this feels like just yesterday, yet...it also feels as though Cedar was always in our life. How it feels like forever ago because its difficult to imagine his spirit not near.

We also talked about K & T and how this is their story too and when I called to leave a message on her phone today, my tears were brimming and my voice trembling because that day felt so clear in my mind. Oh how selfless K & T were when they celebrated with us regardless of their pain. How when K pushed Cedar out and the doctors took him away to examine his lungs, she said..."go to your son...he wants his mommy." I looked at her in awe, uncertain if this was my place and her kind eyes told me it was. It was then when it hit me...as I walked into the room full of doctors and nurses hovering, with my husband's arm around me and then they parted so we could see him...and there he was...my son. Our son.

This year has been extraordinary. It feels as though my heart has expanded wider than I could have ever imagined. I feel taller and stronger and more centered, yet I also feel peeled and frayed and undone. I knew I would love my child deep but I never could have imagined what else came with that love; a pure and special bond, a relationship that fills me up, a companionship that shifts my soul to a softer place with him and all those that surround me. Cedar is my teacher, he is our teacher.

Today we built him a fort while he was taking his morning nap. It is a tradition that begins with his first birthday. Each year we will build one on his special day. When he is old enough to help us, we will let him choose what he wants in and around it; colors, themes, lights...it will be his magical place. His realm of imagination.

When he woke up and we sat him inside his fortress, its like he knew what it all meant. He raised his arms up and out and longingly signaled for us to join him. This pillowy, color soaked, soft and cushy, musical, dreamy place is exactly what it feels like to be a family. It felt like our womb, our sanctuary...our happy place.

We just love him so. We love how others love him. We love how his presence has changed our lives and the lives of my family. We love that he's here...finally. We love how he came into this world and into our lives.

We love that he's one.

{cedar's outfit by adatine}

spooning.

This is Cedar's first time feeding himself brown rice cereal with a spoon. Check out how proud he is at the end. ; ) Yesterday he did this for the very first time during lunch.

Wanted to thank you for all of your kind emails about these videos and short posts while I am recouping from the flu. I look forward to sharing with you about my weekend in Portland with the dread goddess but need to create space for that when I am feeling more clear headed.

So many of you have asked me what type of music I always have in the background. We have this music channel called "Soundscapes" and it is very Zen. Cedar loves it and really soaks the gentle harmonies in.

baboo-baboo

This hand/mouth trick is something Cedar's been doing since he was 4 months old. Finally caught a quick bit of it on our Flip.

We call it "Baboo-Baboo"...

cedar watching the "Your Baby Can Read" video

I returned earlier than originally planned from a magical red tent weekend spent with some gentle loving souls. Boho Boy became extremely ill while I was away and it was his 103.4 fever that made me get on the next available flight. He ended up going to the emergency room and has been diagnosed with bronchits and Influenza A. So, the poor guy is walking around with a face mask and trying his best to stay away from Cedar (which is torture) and I am being pretty anal about disinfecting the trails he leaves behind.

A few hours after he returned from the emergency room, I received a call from my sister Darlene that my marmie is in the emergency room with food poisoning and had been admitted to the hospital for an overnight stay to replenish her fluids and take more tests. We were worried about my father, who sounded confused and upset because when she is hurting, he is hurting. This is when living far away just breaks my heart.

You know...I am not sure I could have handled all of this at once if it wasn't for the few days I had spent with some extraordinary women. It was just such a huge confirmation to me how important it is for women to gather, to circle around one another. When all is aligned, it feels so effortless and grounding. So, I thank them for preparing me for the week ahead.

On a fun note, we finally received our big box of materials from Your Baby Can Read. We had thought about doing this a while ago but it was when we realized that Cedar prefers books and musical instruments to toys, that we felt it was important to nurture this in him. We think the whole concept is fascinating and it may not work for everyone but we are jazzed about trying it with Cedar. We have no expectations and are being light and fun about it. What tripped us out last night was that he clapped when he heard and saw the word "Clap" and waved when he heard and saw the word "Wave"...with a huge proud smile on his face. So, it is very telling that he enjoys this and it is his enjoyment that will navigate our way through it all.

I will share some images and stories of my dready goddess-y weekend soon.

our wee rockstar.

needs some tuning... ; )

When Cedar was a few months old a dear friend of mine wrote to tell me that her mother had a vision of him older. Her mother tends to have these psychic moments and my friend told me that sometimes its eerie how right on she has been. So, of course...I listened and got all giddy with butterflies that Cedar had been in one of them! She said that she saw Cedar on stage, the lead in a band, with a guitar. She said that he was a well known rock star...but was very humble. My friend and I giggled and had fun with this and now we joke about it every once in a while. The part that really meant a lot to me was that he was humble. This is a trait that I am so, so attracted to when it comes to extremely gifted people.

Anyways, what has been interesting to see is how music has been such a huge part of Cedar's everyday. I've mentioned this quite a bit here on this blog. How he would only fall asleep to the oldies (swing type music) when he was an infant and that he needs soft piano/harp/flute type instruments playing all day long and how he has really good rhythm (perhaps from watching Boho Boy drum on everything). Most recently he discovered where daddy's guitar was and now that he is crawling, he'd waddle his way over and pull it down and start strumming the strings and pounding on them making pretty music (well, pretty to our ears, perhaps no one elses).

So, we decided to get him a wee one just right for his cherub fingers (ukulele). Now, it must be near him at all times and if it isn't, he'll find it and pull it close.

This morning, he serenaded me as soon as he woke up...(last photo above). So, I have no idea if that vision my friend's mother had will come to fruition but I do know that he will always be our little rockstar.

our little hobbit.

cedar hobbit, 4.5 months, taken with phone

There was this scene in the film Lord of the Rings in the beginning when all the little hobbit children were sitting on the ground at a party and the camera scanned all their sweet hobbity faces. I remember seeing this one little girl with big round eyes and a look of wonder and awe and I thought to myself "Ohhhh...how I would love to have a child with that spirit."

I didn't know that at the same time, snuggled up in the theater, that Boho Boy was having the same thoughts. He noticed that same girl in the crowd of cuties and fell in love with her spirit the same way I did.

We were trying to get pregnant, you see...so something down deep inside of us connected with that child and the ache we felt for our own.

It wasn't until about a year later, when we were talking about how we envision our child to look (like all couples do that are desiring a child)...will he/she have my eyes, my lips, my hair, etc. We both mentioned that child in Lord of the Rings.

"You saw her too?" I asked. We both felt that is how our child would look, would be.

As we were approaching the 5th year of trying to conceive, I think we forgot about that girl. Or perhaps it hurt too much to go to that place, to that dream, that vision of our child and we put it in the safest part of our hearts, tucked away.

Then our birth parents and Cedar came into our lives and the healing began and life was so entirely and utterly beautiful and not at all what we expected but everything that we needed.

When Cedar was about 4.5 months old, we were goofing around by pulling his ears back like a hobbit and taking photos for our family. Our family has always referred to Cedar as a Wood Nymph or a Gnome or a hobbit...because he just has that look, that essence to him. What blew us away is this one photo we took of him (above). Because that is the face....THE exact face of the little girl in Lord of the Rings that we often dreamed of.

Wow. Right? Wow. Perhaps our hearts always knew this and that is why at the exact moment, years ago, we both recognized that face on the screen.

So of course we're going to dress him up as a hobbit tonight...but we won't have to do much. ;)

Happy Halloween. Be fulfilled. Be joyous. Be playful. Be safe.

thank you...from the bohos.

cedar resting on mommy at park, taken with phone yesterday

I just got through watching a video that a reader sent to me, sharing her story, relating it to Cedar's food sensitivities. The video was of her and her son about Cedar's age and she sat and talked through her camera as though she was looking directly into my soul. I am still a blubbery mess from it. I was so moved and touched that I sent it to my marmie, sister and husband. It just touched me so. She too is an adoptive mommy and I realized watching it, that there is a kinship between us already because of adoption and a sense of understanding that goes beyond all of the other stuff. I suppose what brought that up for me was when she mentioned she too tried donor breast milk and it didn't quite work and that she tried to take meds to do it on her own and it did work for a while but she had to stop as it wasn't producing enough and she got an infection. So she too had to do the formula dance...and then went on to share with me his solid food sensitivities much like Cedar.

It made me realize that there is still a tender place for me about breast feeding. People are so opinionated about it and those that have never had experience with adoption or gone through fertility journeys have said ignorant things to me about how I should have tried everything I could to put Cedar on breast milk (assuming I didn't try everything).

I didn't have enough time to produce milk once we were matched with our birth mom. We were told he would be born early, a preemie and that he would be donated a supply of breast milk in the hospital and then a dear, dear friend of mine pumped for me...for a few months until he was born so that he would have it for a few months after returning home from the hospital. As far as I knew, we had it all covered and did plenty of research about breast milk. What people don't know is that where we live in California, it would cost $700 per week to go through a breast milk donor company, which does all the screening to make sure its healthy milk. We just couldn't afford that and so this is why my beautiful, selfless friend offered to help. Well, he ended up not being a preemie, so they did not give us breast milk in the hospital but we knew we'd have some once we got home. Unfortunately, Cedar could not digest her milk. It was so hard because we knew she worked so hard, taking time out of her every day to pump for us and we wanted this for her just as much as we did for Cedar. We were excited about that bond, that story we could tell him someday. So, it was emotional for everyone...especially my friend but we eventually let go and we were all grateful that Cedar was thriving on his formula. We will still tell him the story and they still have a deep bond.

Another bit about me that not a lot of people know is that my body is highly sensitive to artificial hormones. I get a lot of side effects and I really needed/wanted to be healthy for my newborn baby. That was important to me and to my husband.

I think it was this first experience as a mother being judged that put up a wee guard over my heart with other mothers. It wasn't a conscious act but over the last few days, receiving an abundance of emails full of gentle wisdom and understanding and encouragement and cheerleading from mothers all around the world has made me realize I've been isolating myself a bit. I've had fears of gathering with a bunch of mothers and being told I am doing it all wrong (even if in my heart I knew I was on the right path and that Cedar and I have a deep connection and communicate well with one another and that he is thriving...I was still afraid to be judged). I have joked with other friends that I am afraid of mommies. But in the deeper parts of that jest, there was an ache for that community, that help, that circling when I feel I just can't do it alone.

This is why it was a huge, brave step for me to put myself out there yesterday and ask for help. I knew I was taking a risk at being judged or patronized in some way. But the reality is that I wasn't and so many of you held me gently and truly saw me...saw that I am madly in love with my son and have a good intuition and connection with him and that everything is going to be okay. That he is a happy, thriving baby...that you see this in the light in his eyes and smiles. You not only saw me...you saw him too.

I have read every single one of your emails. I've read them twice or three times or four. I've written down notes, things that resonated that I want to try and would make sense for our family. I have cried at the stories you've shared with me. Been amazed at the strength so many of you have had with all that you endured in regards to your child's health.

So truly, I cannot thank you enough and if I don't email you right away, know its because I am busy shopping for fun organic goodies and experimenting in the kitchen and putting much of my intentions on making this fun for him and not a scary thing.

My husband and I are so stoked to try new things. Today he ordered this with some cubes to freeze food if we need to. As soon as Cedar wakes from his nap, I am taking him to Whole Foods to stock up for a fun weekend of food play (one thing at a time of course and waiting a few days to make sure it is gently digested...I will be experimenting but not feeding him everything, just playing and tasting it ourselves and getting comfy with the process).

Some of you have asked me to list some of the advice that resonated. I will do my best to remember it all but here are a few gems (and there were many gems, so there may be another post about it).

Oh, and I forgot to mention in my video yesterday that yes, I do feed him Happy Bellies brown rice cereal (with DHA and probiotics included) every morning and have for a long while. Also forgot to mention that he was diagnosed with GERD as an infant but is slowly growing out of it. This also contributes to his needing to move slower with stuff we put into his body.

Okay list/ideas/wisdom from mommies around the globe...

• Try baby probiotics
• Goats milk yogurt mixed with baby food (for lactose sensitivity)
• Slowly mix in homemade food with the organic jarred food he prefers and increase amounts a little at a time (tried this last night with homemade sweet potatoes and he spit a lot of it out...but will keep trying bits at a time).
• Try feeding him more textured food at a table when you're eating too...he may be more willing to try it being inspired by your chewing...and let him do it himself with his fingers, as he might trust himself more with new things (we have never tried this...weee!)
• Try pureed soups...with gentle ingredients (carrots, squash)
• To introduce veggies...start with root veggies (easier to digest...carrots, potatoes, turnips, parsnips, beets)
• Puree a small amount of greens into pears or bananas...increase in small amounts each time
• Don't compare him to others...with babies, there is no standard...many wrote to me sharing that their baby would only eat pureed foods up to 1.5 years or more and they are now much older and eating everything out of house and home. ; )
• Some are solely breastfed until they are 1 years old. Breast milk and formula are the most important nutrient in their diet at that time. Don't push solids before they are ready
• Avocados (tried this a few times and he didn't like the texture but I think our new babycook will help make it more smooth).
• Stay away from acidic fruits and introduce them slowly to avoid bum rash/blisters
• Keep listening to Cedar's cues...if he is happy, thriving, healthy and having normal bowel movements, he is okay and will eat more variety in time.
• Ask naturopath about a hair analysis for food allergies (just did this yesterday and am making appointment)
• Talk to your pediatrician (we have appointment set next week already...so will do!)

Book suggestions:
Baby Greens: A Live Food Approach for Children of All Ages by Michaela Lynn
Optimum Nutrition for Babies and Young Children by Lucy Burney

I know there is more and I will share as I read through them again.

Thank you all so, so much...we are full of rejuvenation and inspiring ideas!

wisdom from my readers...

I feel a bit vulnerable about asking for some wisdom/advice from the masses about my child. People can have such strong opinions when it comes to the various ways to nurture/parent a child. So, I have been very gentle about sharing some things, as well as asking advice here in this space. In fact, in general, both Boho Boy and I have tried to listen to our child, our inner voice and intuition when it comes to Cedar and so far that feels very comfortable. There are so many conflicting ideas and philosophies that it can get quite overwhelming.

But, I feel as though I have been blessed with attracting such gentle, wise, wholesome individuals to this space and there is a trust I am beginning to feel with so many of my readers.

So, in my video I share a bit about what we've been going through in regards to Cedar and his eating habits, his sensitive digestion, etc. I also ask in the end for some wisdom, some shared stories about how any of you introduced more textured veggies and foods when dealing with particular food sensitivities.

Since my comments are now shut off, do email me if you would like to share your thoughts (email is on left sidebar).

Thank you so, so much.

wee angel.

cedar, taken with phone {click to enlarge}

this was taken on our bed this morning.
just had to share.
man...doesn't he look like a wee angel?
i can't believe my baby is 11 months old.
*sigh*

scenes from yesterday...

Cedar is doing this new thing, starting more than month ago. He sings. He started doing it one time when I was singing to him and he was trying to follow me. Now he does it when he hears music or if someone sings at him, trying to get him to do it. Yesterday, he started doing it by himself right in the middle of eating his lunch (NPR was in the background). So I joined him. How cute is he with sweet potatoes smeared all over his mouth?

Right before putting on his jammies last night, I decided to show him how the Flip camera works. He is always grabbing it, looks at it and doesn't see the big deal. So, I layed down with him, recorded us and then played it back to him. He was instantly in love with the whole idea and wanted me to do it again and again...

cedar stoked at the airport, taken with phone

Cedar and I are back from our trip to go see my parents and sisters at the bottom of the Sierra Foothills in Northern Cali. This is why I have been absent. Oh how dreamy it was to be with my family, my people, my loves.

There was a huge glorious storm out there and internet and phone connections were in and out. I love storms. Perhaps because we don't get enough where we live in SoCal. My parents live on a few acres on the top of a big hill so they get most of the wind in their town. It howled and hissed and shook the house. We stood in awe looking out the window at how far their trees could bend without breaking (although sadly enough they did lose one tree and some branches off of others). It was Cedar's first storm and rather than being frightened at the noise and movement, he was thrilled and then slept soundly. He was about as thrilled as he was in the photo above that I took at the airport when we first got there. The airport intrigued him and he sat there flapping his arms like a bird while people watching.

Traveling alone left me feeling a wee vulnerable but I was simply amazed at how gracious everyone was. I had Cedar in a sling on my hip (FINALLY found one that fit for both of us) but still had other bags to carry, so taking all the liquids out of my bag and my shoes off were a bit of a challenge but kind strangers around me offered their help. It might be because Cedar has a way of flirting and drawing the ladies in with his batting eyes. Seriously though, he is starting to do this bashful twist of his head and eye batting. I promise he didn't learn it from me. Hmmm...or did he? ; )

While with my family, Cedar started mimicking, pointing, clapping when hearing the word "patty cake". He also started grabbing faces and pulling them towards his lips to kiss them passionately. When he did this to my sister she turned red and fanned her face saying "I haven't been kissed like that in years, what a lover!" We giggled. We marveled at how snuggly he is. He scoots into people and buries his face in wherever he can while stroking with his hands, then looks up waiting for a reaction with a huge smile. I just beam watching his personality come through and am marinating in this precious precious time. Sharing it with family...all who are such a close extension of me, just made my heart sing this week.

This is the first adoption in our family and it warms my soul at how very open and embracing each of them have been. It is so clear that he is not only so much ours but so much theirs and how his goofy, passionately loving personality fits our family like a glove. We just sit around him on the floor swelling with gratefulness and awe at how much he has brought healing to us as a family. Acknowledging how he teaches each of us how to love with more abandon and sit more patiently through the hours spent together.

While on the flight home today, he laid his hand on the arm of the woman sitting next to me and gave her a wide-eyed, genuinely caring smile. I noticed she didn't speak English but she stroked his arm back with misty eyes...a Universal expression of feeling seen and accepted and loved. These moments he gifts to me are shifting my heart in ways I am still trying to find the words for.

cedar's first trip to the zoo!

It truly is a whole new experience for us when we're seeing something through Cedar's eyes. I honor him so much in that he teaches us to patiently observe all that is happening around us.

Living in the city near busy freeways, we unfortunately don't get a lot of nature with the exception of the beach now and then. Boho Boy and I love camping and we look forward to doing this with him when we feel Cedar is ready. There is just something about the forest that calls to our spirits.

We are learning Cedar is much the same. Whenever we've been around a lot of trees, Cedar is in meditating heaven. When the wind touches his face and the leaves dance about, he closes his eyes and breathes in (he's done this since birth and we marvel every single time). So, on this particular day at the zoo, there was a sweet breeze and while riding on his daddy's shoulders, he kept breathing it in with his eyes closed. He teaches us to do the same.

I learned how very brave he is. When watching the Gorillas up close, most all of the children cried and screamed when they came running towards them and plopping their huge hairy bodies right up to the glass. Not Cedar. No...he waves his arms about, pounds on the glass and talks out to the Gorillas with a big smile and look of wonder. Almost as if he was saying..."Come closer, come hug me tight! You're sooooo cuddly cute!" Although, one of his favorite books that he loves us to read to him is "Little Gorilla", so perhaps he's all down with their mojo and feels part of their tribe.

So, since walking through this zoo is like walking through a rainforest; being out in nature with actual trees, we decided to get a family pass. Now we can go as much as we desire and Cedar can believe we have Gorillas in our backyard.

{On another note...you can find me here at my dear friend Em's blog for 52 questions! I hope this question creates some juicy images within for you.}

weekend photo.

I took Cedar on a walk this morning and snapped this shot with my phone to send to my family. I laughed when I looked at it. Oh my...I think he's picking up the Andrade Girls pucker.

We wish you a restful, peaceful weekend full of simplicity and light.

Love,
The Bohos

storytime with the boho boys.

My boho boys reading together is part of our bedtime ritual. Last week, Cedar took it upon himself to start turning the pages, which blew me away. I mean, I am a new momma and am not about comparing milestones, so I have no idea if this is genius or normal but I find it so cute that he is doing this at 10 months.

Boho Boy is reading him Little Pea...a sweet gift from his Fairy Godmother.

cheeks.

cedar, a month ago (9 months old), canon 50d

I deliver you cheeks to virtually chew on for your weekend.
This is why I don't get a lot done. I chew...all. day. long.

10 months today.

cedar & me today

I know this photo is completely out of focus and the Buddha art on our wall is hanging crooked (which is awesome...just keeping it real) but I just had to post it because of Cedar's expression as soon as he saw the red timer light on the camera. He is SUCH a little ham when we start clicking. Perhaps because he's had this huge black lens shoved in his face since the moment he was born.

Today he is 10 months old and I just feel the need to share about him. Over the last few days since I arrived home from Squam, we've been a bit attached to the hip. I had never been apart from him since birth (with the exception of errands and a few 2 hour dates with the hubs). We went from always being together to five days not together and it was tough on our hearts. Although being surrounded by artists and girlfriends in the woods was so healing and needed for mommy to rejuvenate, at night when all was quiet, I was deeply missing my boy and silently shed some tears in my pillow. We have a deep bond, him and I...and it goes beyond the mother/son relationship of fulfilling basic needs. He has this old soul spirit about him and being in his presence is so healing (and addicting). Its the spirit I was always connected to long before he came into my life but now he's just in the flesh. My family jokes around about calling him "baby Jesus" because he just seems to heal those he comes in contact with...both strangers and loved ones.

He did wonderful with daddy and Omi while mommy was away. So wonderful that a vulnerable part of me wondered if I was imagining this close connection him and I shared. I was happy that all was going well and that he was taking long naps and smiling, laughing and living brightly during those days without me but the selfish, irrational part of me wanted to be missed. I didn't know what to expect when seeing him at the airport. Would he just glance away? Would he ignore me? Be resentful that I left? Indifferent? These were fears I shared with a few cabinmates while snuggled up on our beds eating chips, hummus, cheese and grapes. Tears were shed as I shared how important it is I feel connected to him as a mother, especially being that I didn't carry or birth him. When these emotions surfaced, they surprised me but they needed to spill and they were received with such gentle open arms in the four walls of my cabin room.

So, the day I arrived home I was hanging out at baggage claim and I felt a poke in my back and I turned around to see my gorgeous tall husband standing there holding Cedar. Cedar was in an adorable pageboy hat with his big soulful eyes and he smiled big and said "mum!" with his hand stretched towards me. I melted...totally utterly melted. I grabbed him, kissed my husband romantically good and then didn't let go of Cedar the rest of the night. Boho Boy and I were cracking up at how joyful he was that I was home. He even squealed when I'd look over at him on the drive home from the airport. Okay, okay...so, we do have a deep connection and I was just being silly. Note to self: trust your heart.

Saying "mum" so clearly was a wee milestone for Cedar. He hasn't said words yet. He does the typical..."babababa" or "mumumumum" or other similar sounds. So, it was a delicious moment. A woman standing near us at baggage claim leaned towards us and said "that was priceless...all is better now." She saw me tearing up as I held him.

Another thing I wanted to share about Cedar that I find adorably cute is that he is a scooter. He refuses to crawl and all he wants to do is scoot, scoot, scoot on his bubble butt all around our hardwood floors. Its hilarious to watch. Must get it on video for you folks.

And lastly...he has the best chunker legs ever. He fits into 12 months pants and that rocks my world. So much to snuggle and squeeze and nibble.

Today I took him to Whole Foods and this dude covered in tattoos head to toe (and all around his face) approached us. He placed his head down close to Cedar's and said "you're the most adorable guy I've ever seen" and where I think most babies (and mommies) might have pulled back because lets be honest, this man looked a bit scary, Cedar put his hands up to his face to stroke his cheek. The dude got all misty and it made me misty. Seriously...baby Jesus, right? ; )

Happy 10 months baby...you truly are the brightest beacon in our lives.