my wild child*

I think we made a good choice with this move, non? ; ) Look at him. Oh how I adore this wild child.

I have many posts to come. So much inner stuff going on that I would love to process in this space. But I do notice that living here, spending more time as a family, being outside most of the day and watching Cedar thrive...has taught me the essence of truly LIVE-ing. I am walking, breathing, feeling, BEing...more in the moment, you know?

I have less time to sit and process because of all this. Not to mention, Cedar seems to no longer need his two hour daytime nap. Ohmygosh! Talk about an adjustment for mama. That was always MY space to blog or clean or process. Now by the time he is indeed ready for bed, we are all under the spell of a nature drunk exhausted feeling.

But I miss being here. I miss sharing more of my life here. I know I am still in a space of getting settled and finding my way but I am writing this post as another way of reminding myself how important this space is to me. To my family. To my heart. To my journey.

I feel so much peeling and healing going on. Also so many new layers of elements I am not used to and trying to find my center with. This I will share soon.

Until then...perhaps you can try to bottle up his joy from this screen and drink it like a tincture. I know I will.

my first love*

my father in this early twenties

I have many beautiful memories with my father. Some of my most favorite with him are out in nature. He loved to go camping and we did this as a family every single summer in the redwoods of Northern California. He would take his three girls out on hikes for hours. We'd collect rocks and sticks to bring back to camp. We'd go creek walking and he'd hold our hands so we wouldn't slip. Sometimes when life feels overwhelming and I need to lay down and take deep breaths and find my calm, I will go to that place with my father. The hikes him and I would take alone where there would be silence because nothing needed to be said. Bringing to the trails the comfort we had with one another. The crunching beneath our feet, the sounds of the creek beside us, the wisp of the trees above, breathing in the smell of redwoods in unison. Quiet glances. Knowing. Protection. I often go back there and I know he does too. I love him to the depths and when I spoke with him this morning and we were hanging up, I could sense and hear the crack in our voices. We just want to be together today. But I am grateful. I am grateful that we hold these memories together. I searched this morning for this photo of him. I had to go out in our garage and forage through our boxes. I cried when I finally found it. There he is. That was him. His thick black curls laying on his forehead. His high shiny cheekbones. His pearly beautiful smile. His gut laughter. His dark skin that smelled of campfire. Such a beautiful man then and now. I love it when people say I look like my father. I always loved it...even though I was a girl. I was proud to carry his features. And I am proud to carry him in my heart. My first love.

What are you favorite memories with your father?

permission*

me, our picnic table we just painted and our buttercups

I have carried all of your comments on my previous post with me over the last few days.  They have been so healing for me.  So empowering.  In many ways.  A few days ago, we were needing to pick up some ingredients for dinner.  I had remembered there was a Wednesday farmers market down the street that we had yet to go to.  I wanted us to stop there first to get some greens.  We had no idea that there would be music there.  When on the way, I felt a bit rushed about getting groceries and heading back home to cook dinner but getting out of the car and hearing that acoustic guitar shifted things for me.  So did seeing a bunch of people laying on the grass.  I suggested we pause and just hang out for a while.  So my mother in law went into the bookstore and me and my boys laid on the grass.  I took a deep breath and slowly looked around at my new town folk and all of the tents full of art and earth and eco-love.  As the singer strummed her guitar and my son crawled into my lap and began swaying, I couldn't hold back the tears behind my huge vintage sunglasses.  I tried to tighten my chest to stop the tears but then I remembered all of your comments.  I let the tears flow.  Boho Boy sat down near me with some indian food and he took one look at me wiping beneath my glasses and knew. "Are you happy, honey?" he asked me.  I said "Yes. I am. Happy." The rest of the time we sat there in silence and together as a family, just allowed this moment to Be.

Thank you all for giving me permission to revel in this space we are in.

Below is a video of that time together.  I stepped back to record Cedar dancing to the woman playing guitar.  As soon as I pressed record, he stopped dancing but instead, I ended up capturing a really sweet, intimate moment between him and Boho Boy.  A moment that brought on the tears for him too, under his sunglasses.  I think you'll be able to feel it too.

reconnecting with a happier me*

I am sitting on our big cushy white bed upstairs while Cedar takes a nap beside me. My mother in law is coming tomorrow. I have so much to do to prepare for her stay. I get into that zone before company comes. I want it all to be nourishing and healing and home for them. I tend to stress myself out with preparation. I tend to not answer phone calls or emails the few days leading up to it. I get so focused! And then when company finally arrives, I relax into them and all the things I worried or stressed about don't seem to really matter as much as BEing with the person. I know this about myself. Yet I do it every. single. time.

Last month my days were full of settling in. Full of exploration. Of connecting with nature. Of breathing again. Using my body more since it was feeling so much better. It was full of my boys and me connecting on a level that we were unable to for a long while. We moved slower and more mindfully and remembered what it was like to LIVE in the moment.

The next few months will be full of company coming and going. Of sunshine beginning to pour in and around these parts that is GOLDEN and cherished and barely a one person stays inside.

Because of all of this, I know I have not been and may not be here on my blog much. I am really trying to look at that. So just a few minutes ago, when Boho Boy came into the bedroom to check on me and Cedar, he must have noticed I needed something because he got on his knees and laid against the bed for a little whisper chat. I confessed to him that I was feeling hesitant to share my life here, on my blog. We explored it a bit.  It helped me come here and begin to write.

What surfaced for me is that I feel really sensitive about sharing my life when I am in a truly content space. I have been on the other side of this content space so often when at times, seeing other people's happiness turned the mirror on me and what I was so longing for in my life. A dear friend of mine wrote a post a bit ago about those emotions we go through when reading another person's blog that is always about how awesome their life is and how that can really trigger the hard stuff inside of us. I immediately sent her an email and asked if my blog right now was one of the blogs that caused her to turn away.  My blog has somewhat been full of happy lately, right?  I joked with her that I am sure it is ANNOYING and that drama is coming because I am NOT used to long periods of non-suffering, so it is bound to happen soon. She giggled and reassured me it wasn't my blog she was referring to but still...I found my knee jerk concern curious. So I AM self conscious about my happiness and how it affects others. For so long I have been in a space of longing. Whether it was longing for a baby or longing for a healthier body or longing to move outside of my third floor condo/loft and provide a life closer to nature for our son. Now that I am IN my dream and living it and truly IN it...I do find myself, because I am a compassionate person, not wanting to cause discomfort to those that come here. This is all a subconscious thing that I am just now becoming aware of and forgive me for not sounding articulate about it because I am working it out, stream of conscious, on this page. Just keeping it real...as always. ; )

I feel very cared for in this space. I feel like somehow, over the years, it has become a healing circle not only for me but for those that come here. With that said, I feel so certain that those who come here never enjoyed seeing me suffer.  I know that many of you are indeed happy for me and celebrate that we have finally moved into a more healing space for our family. Yet I am still so tender about it. So many beautiful things have transpired over the past few months that I have hesitated to share here as a way to protect some of you from being triggered. I know its not my responsibility. I know its your stuff. I have my stuff, you have your stuff and we are all responsible for our own stuff. I get that. But darn-it, I am a sensitive gal...and I care about people's feelings.

I realize this is my blog. I realize I truly write it for me and for my son someday to witness his life. But the reality is, many people come here daily and I am aware of that fact and am unable to ignore that energy.

I am not writing this with a wise, sage answer at the end. I am still working through it. To be honest, I am not used to being this happy.   I mean, yes...there have been some rough moments here and there but because I am feeling a deeper peace and a clearer mind, I notice it tends to work itself out or perhaps matter less when I am laying in my own field of buttercups.  Perhaps it is ME that needs to become comfortable with happiness and learn how to express a happier me here in this space.

My sister texted me yesterday telling me "I love you. Do you know that?" and I responded to her..."I feel your love every single day. Do you feel mine? I am harvesting nettles in my back yard right now for tea and tinctures and soup. I kindof love my life." My family knows how we have suffered. My family now celebrates in our happiness.  I didn't feel guilt when I pressed send on that text to my sis.  I just think I now need to trust that within my blog family too.

where i have been. who i have been with.

dar & me

marybeth, me, emme, darlene

I have stories waiting to come to life on this page but for now, while Dar and her love are still in our home, I will share these images. They say so much. It is so good to BE with people now that have been with me before and they all see the softer steps and deeper breaths and breezy calm. They see that I am truly home.

The first image...Dar and I were laying on my floor pillows, after a bit of heart-full raw sharing and once our tears were wiped, we sunk into one another and Cedar laid across Dar's belly for a while and thank goodness her phone was on hand to capture this real moment. Oh my heart is full.

The second image...dear beautiful soul friends sitting on my buttercups underneath our apple tree and sharing what keeps us living and breathing and creating from our truth.

{photos taken by dar with her iPhone}

***************************************************************************

Winner of GIVEaway: {email me at denise@bohophoto.com! lovely leigh...so excited for you.}

wisdom listens*

cedar and me walking a trail at maple falls

I was walking Cedar down to the water in our neighborhood the other day and I saw on a bumpersticker stuck to the back of a funky old truck "Knowledge Speaks but Wisdom Listens" ~ Jimi Hendrix.

For gals like me that can be far more fumbly with the spoken word than the written word, it moved through me like home. It reminded me that I don't always have to fill a space with words and that silence can speak volumes. It reminded me that energy in a room can say so much and so can touch and just simply being in a space to prefer listening. We all share ourselves differently and the exchange of thoughts and feeling can be expressed in so many ways. Throughout my life, I have been told I have a quiet strength in person. I was never quite sure how to receive that, coming from a very expressive family, until my eyes lingered on this quote.

Give yourself permission to not have to fill a space with words. Curious what that freedom will offer you and what wisdom will come from you or to you.

sponsor GIVEaway*

Rosemarie Dress

I have a good story. Last December, in one of my blog posts, I had linked to my red dress (wearing it here and here) from Horny Toad that I bought at our local REI. A few weeks later, I received a warm and kind email from one of the staff members of Horny Toad. She had researched hits to their site and found many were coming from my blog. She then read through my blog for a while and decided to reach out to me. We exchanged a few emails and with all the love spread around, Horny Toad became one of my sponsors. Stephanie is such a cool gal and I hope to hug her in the flesh someday soon as she too lives in the Pacific Northwest.

We decided that we wanted to extend the gratitude towards my readers by doing a giveaway!  We are giving away one Rosemarie Dress (same style as my red one but with shorter sleeves for Summer!).  The winner will be able to choose which color/size they want (black, green, melon or yellow).  It would be a wonderful treat for yourself or the perfect gift for a loved one.  This fabric is sooooo silky to the touch and it lays fluidly on my curves in the perfect way (not too loose, not too snug) and my favorite feature is the empire waist.  So flattering!

Here is the description on the site:

"A dress so nice we named it twice. The seemingly simple yet downright sexy Rose Marie has the kind of versatility other dresses only dream of. It breathes and moves and follows your curves. It dresses up and dresses down and flatters for days with a graceful V-neck, doubled fabric bodice, horizontal bust pleats, and an empire seam that flows into a soft, A-line drape."

Okay, so onto the rules:

• One comment per person, please
• Comment can be one word or many...whatever inspires you
• Comments will be closed on Thursday, June 3rd at 10pm PST
• Winner will be chosen at Random.org

Weeeeee!

curls*

dear cedar curls ~ i hope you forever stay on his head. spiral-ly and loopy and divine. i will not cut you all off. i cannot do it. unless cedar wants me to.

love, boho girl mama

life in the pacific northwest*

[gallery] i can't believe how full my days are here. with a backyard (haven't had one in 10 years) and the forest and ocean, trails and creeks surrounding us, most of the hours of our days are spent outside. we come in for potty, snack, meals and sleeping. and because it stays light so late here, we are all going to bed VERY late and waking up VERY late. there was a time when we had a schedule and it worked for us but right now, we are just going with the flow. sort of like when you're on vacation and all of the schedules and must-do's aren't gripping you. you feel free and you just move with what feels right. i wonder if it will stay like this for a long time, this feeling. or i wonder if we will somehow fall into a rhythm with our days. for now, i am not questioning. i am just soaking all of this up like a thirsty sponge.

do these images whisper what it is i am feeling?

{yummy clothing giveaway coming soon}

the language of my heart*

I think I've been quiet here because I've been in a space of observing and listening. I suppose I feel a bit awed. Okay, a lot awed by our surroundings. Including what goes on inside of my home and the intimacy I am feeling with my boys. Right now Cedar is sleeping on our couch near me in a ball of sunlight shining through our window. I can see the shadows of dragonfly lights that we have hung on our windows on his face. Cedar has never slept anywhere but his bed or our bed. There is a peace dwelling here that we have not felt in so long.

Yesterday we took a trail that is a few streets down in our neighborhood. It led us to an old farm that sits up on a tall hill overlooking the bay and an island and the mountains. We laid out a blanket. We ate. We did more breathing and listening than talking. Our bodies were close. We held one another. Boho Boy's hand reached for mine if Cedar was between us. I write this with a tear in my eye. So much healing. We've had a rough few years. I can feel it slowly melting, walls peeling and a soft underbelly feeling less afraid to exist without so much protectiveness.

The home we are in is so special. The old man that lived here before us left a legacy it seems. Our neighbors talk of him fondly and it warms my heart that they are embracing us in this home. It seems they were waiting for people to live within these walls that captured the spirit of the man who once lived here. One of our favorite neighbors, a new friend of mine, has won my heart. She is moving soon and told me she now feels safe leaving this sweet village knowing that our family will continue to live and breathe the magic of this neighborhood. For nine years I lived in a place where I felt a bit misunderstood and here, within a few short days, I am wrapped up by souls that I feel speak the language of my heart.

{when finishing this post, i thought i would take a photo of cedar sleeping...}

song for the moon*

Last night we went for a walk after dinner. Something that we've always wanted to be able to do and now, its becoming a reality for us. Sigh.

The beautiful moon. She was visible in the still light sky and Cedar decided to sing a song about Her. I love that most of his songs sound like chants. Like he just knows how to communicate with vibrations of nature.

I have much more to share. More images and stories...and I promise to come here soon. I am such a nester and when I move somewhere or visit or stay in a hotel, the first thing I do is unpack and settle. But its been different here. I can't stay inside for too long. I pack half a box and then I am out in the green with Cedar or with our family or neighbors. I am so easily distracted these days. I still have massive amounts of boxes to unpack and no decorating has been done (soooo odd for me as decorating his my favorite part!). I have hundreds of emails to respond to and some important business to take care of and yet, I feel like I am on vacation when I am not, really...but it feels like it. ; )

Here are a few images of my boys last night during our walk around the hood.

gem of a place*

[gallery] {click on images to see larger}

Boho Boy and I have looked at one another many times throughout the last few days and said "we live here!". Last night we were all snuggled up on the couch, Cedar in the middle and we gave one another a knowing look, leaned over his head and kissed. One of the many neighbors that have stopped by to get to know the new folk in their precious community said something that has sunk deep into my bones. She was laying under our apple tree (which we didn't know was an apple tree until she told us) and pointed to me and Boho Boy and said "you two are going to fall in love all over again here." I had only known her for a few minutes. Yet, with her hearing just a bit of our story, she saw us deep and knew how much we needed this. She was right. I feel like that is exactly what is happening to us. Falling in love all over again. Not only with one another. But with grass and rain and sun and rock and creek and flora...and being with people in the flesh. I don't know even how to put it into words. And I am a writer of sorts. But my heart hasn't stopped swelling and my fingers haven't stopped pinching myself to see if this is all real. I haven't been outside this much in I don't know how long. Cedar has never been so blissed out and worn out in a good way. We live in such a gem of a place and community. That is what all the neighbors tell us. "You'll never want to leave this street and if you do, you'll come back...like all of us."

Today Cedar and I planned to just walk a block down the road to get some fresh air. We ran into my neighbor and new friend Annie (the one who told us about our apple tree...and cherrie and pear trees) and her two Great Dane's. She asked if she could take us on a stroll around the neighborhood. Up until today, we had only walked down the road to the water and the train track. We've been so busy unpacking that we were waiting until we felt more settled to venture out the other direction. But when she asked us, I thought to myself...why not? I can leave the mess at home and start living more in the present like everyone else does around here. They move more slower and mindful and its beginning to feel really nice. I love that I befriended the neighbor that seems to know the most about he history of this community. She was like a walking encyclopedia about the homes and who lives in them now and who lived in them a hundred years ago. Along the way we ran into a little boy that people have been telling us about. I've heard that him and Cedar are kindreds. Two quirky souls that are bound to connect. Well, it happened naturally, of course and oh how I saw so much of Cedar in him...but 5 years in the future. This sweet boy showed us a weed that you can peel and eat and it was sweet as nectar.

I giggled to myself.  I feel like I am walking through the pages of a few of my favorite stories...Secret Life of Bees or Stand by Me.  I can't believe this is my new life. I can't believe all of this has happened in just a few days.  I can't remember the last time I cried tears of joy rather than sadness.

h*OM*e

the moment we drove into bellingham

I am overwhelmed with emotion. I think I need a few more days to marinate in what surrounds me. To let it sink in...fully permeate my being that I am home. That THIS is our home. My friend Jessamyn and Leigh wrote to me spelling it out hOMe or h*OM*e...with emphasis on the Om and that is exactly what it feels like. They know my heart.

Boho Boy had been here for about three days already while I stayed with my precious family. He would call us about 10 times a day to share sweet little details about the old home we're renting (built in the early 1900's) and the yard surrounding it. He would send us videos and text photos and stories about our eccentric, hippy, arty neighbors that came out to greet him, play him a tune with their guitar on their porch and spill the scoop about the community that our home rests in.

It was wonderful to hear all these details but at the same time it was a big practice for me in letting go of control. I am a Virgo and I do love to nest. It was a good exercise for me to be present with what was in front of me at the farm with my older sister or at the bottom of the Sierra Foothills with my parents. I was so worn from the move and Cedar was in serious need of something that felt familiar and homey. It would have been too much on his sensitive heart if we went from empty home to another empty home full of boxes. It was all perfect and that is what I reveled in. Being with family gave me the strength I needed to step forward as a girl in motion.

This past Saturday was when Cedar and I flew to Seattle.  The long line at the airport in Northern California was unexpected, so him and I were running to our flight, hand in hand.  Once we finally landed and were walking towards baggage claim, Cedar spotted his daddy 30 feet away.  He yelled "daddy!" and dropped his froggie backpack and ran to him with his stuffed animal in hand.  Boho Boy scooped him up and all of this brought him and I to tears.  It was one of those moments we will forever cherish.  Soon after we discovered the bag with all of my clothes somehow didn't make my flight.  I think because I already felt completely ungrounded, the thought that the bag I was living out of was missing, brought on a meltdown.  Not at all what I expected to feel when arriving on this day.  We sorted out the bag situation and it ended up getting on the next flight and would be shipped to us in a few days.  Then as we got on the freeway to head towards Bellingham, we were giddy and chatting away and 1.5 hours into our conversation we discovered we were going South instead of North!  It was then that I realized there must have been a reason why all of this was happening.  We now had a long drive of 3 more hours going back the way we came from with an extremely exhausted wee traveler in the car seat.  It was a message for us to slow down, to let go, to reconnect before we walk into our new space...because the whole thing with the bag brought me into  space of not being able to connect.  It was all perfect, really.  It gave us a chance to stop for food.  To find a gorgeous park on the way for Cedar to run and explore.  To get some delicious coffee and to pull into our town holding hands,  connected to one another and feeling in love.  Those three hours ended up being just what we needed.

Boho Boy had suggested the other day on the phone that he drop me off and take Cedar to the Toy Garden in Fairhaven.  He wanted me to connect with the home alone, without distraction, like he was able to days prior.  I didn't even know this was what I may have needed until he mentioned it.  Since he had been there already for three days and with all the stories he was telling me, there was a sense of almost feeling like this was more his home than mine.  It was so tender hearted for him to think about this.

When he pulled up to our little nook of a street by a bay, my heart swelled.  It was quainter, quieter and more of a community than I imagined.  Every home was precious and then he slowly drove passed ours and I said..."Oh, what a cute house...wait...ummm...is this ours?" All I knew were photos and videos and now that we were right there in the flesh, it all just seemed more charming.  My heart was racing and as I waved goodbye when they drove off and turned towards the home, I felt such a sense of peace.  A peace I haven't felt in so long.  The noise, the chatter, the anxiety, the everything hushed and it was just me and my footsteps and my breath and my pulse and my heartbeat on those wooden floors.  When I opened the door, it smelled of an antique shop.  Mmmm...old homes.  I walked slowly from room to room, up and down the stairs and finally outside and when I walked through the enchanting yard to the end of a large Cedar tree, it was then that I wept.  All I felt was gratefulness.  I continued to shake my head.  It was so much of all that I wanted for my family.  It felt unreal and real all at once.

more soon.

h*OM*e.

{dear sponsors...you get a free month since i have been unexpectedly absent due to lack of internet connection}

trust*

me and cedar at the airport

Boho Boy sent us this photo from the road of the moving truck and our car attached.  Everything we own right there. He has a bunch of tunes he made for the road, as well as stories from NPR keeping him company. Its difficult to be apart during this time but I know he needs this solitude as he makes his way into our new life as an independent business owner. He will no doubt  sing out loud with dreams of kayaking on the bay near our new home, working in his workshop with wood and nurturing new inspiring relationships. He's so ready and my heart is full for this shift in his life. But we miss him so right now.

Cedar handled the last few days as well as he could with a mostly empty house and big pieces of furniture and boxes being moved out of our home one by one. I was wondering when he would express his emotions in a big way over it all and that happened a few minutes before leaving for the airport. He woke from his nap, came out to the living room, saw that it was completely empty and plopped his whole body on the ground, laid down and cried "mama, no mama, no mama!" So, I held him close and that was the moment I chose to breathe and gently look around to honor all that has transpired in this home.

And now we venture forward, never again stepping foot into those four walls and instead walking into a home we have only seen through photos. It feels like a brave leap wrapped up in TRUST. Mmmmmm.  Medicine for our souls.

flying butterflies and bubbles*

We are nearing towards the end. Almost our whole life in boxes. Everyone's emotions ebbing and flowing. Moving your bodies and things into a brand new home in a brand new State takes purging to a whole new level. Not just the physical purging but the emotional kind. I've been finding old letters and photos and reading through old journal entries. I have found folders filled with paperwork from doctors and acupuncturists regarding our fertility journey. Folders filled with every single piece of the adoption pie. Memories...memories that these four walls held sometimes gently, other times fiercely. I am grateful for all of it. I am also weary of it and ready to move forward from what has begun to feel like being a bit stuck. We're all sensing the forward movement. We're feeling the peeling, the opening, the readying for something we've been craving for ages. Inspiration is beginning to weave back into our thoughts. Yesterday I was sitting on the kitchen floor, cleaning out what was underneath our kitchen sink. Listening to Mindy Gledhill's album Anchor and swaying back and forth. Singing. Laughing. Feeling so much Joy. Today I sat in that same spot after my husband and son left for an hour. As soon as they walked out the door, I wept in my hands. Feeling really raw today and weary and trying not to question it all. Probably overwhelm. Probably not getting enough sleep. Probably stress and worry. Or perhaps just RELEASE. I find it interesting how much I am vacillating.

Been thinking a lot about my family. That love is so solid and constant, no matter what absolute crazy is going on...I think of my mother and father...my two sisters...my nieces and nephews...my mother in law and Boho Bro and I just want to send them love right now. I wish I could float to each of them in a tiny bubble and offer them the peace and joy that bubbles bring to Cedar. In times of big transition, you hold onto what feels constant and true.

I may be offline for a few weeks. I may not. I will try to post little photos and stories but I know my life is about to be such a whirl wind of NEW. Cedar's been able to work through all the chaos in a way that has surprised each of us. He is bending and flowing and then melting like we've never seen him melt before. Packing has been slower because of this. We pack a box and then we sit with him and stay present. We pack a box, then we play with him. We pack a box and we hold him. I have learned that he is more peaceful with order. Its so interesting to see their personalities evolving. The other day he picked up a crumpled up paper and walked into the kitchen and placed it in the waste basket. He did it again with a piece of fruit he was done with. Again and again. I see him put away his toys when he wants to play with another. This is all new and fascinating. So we are trying our best to maintain order in the chaos so that he can feel some normalcy through it all.  Although I know I cannot carry everything and that chaos will happen and he will melt again and that is when I take deep breaths and sit on the floor and laugh or sway or cry or do both at once.  Transition is big.  Emotions through transition are big.  Time to leave our safe cocoon and stretch our wings and fly like three beautiful butterflies.  We might start out wobbly...but oh how the flight will feel GOOD.

Bubbles...ahhh...bubbles. How I would love to take a ride in a bubble tonight.

medicine bundles & winners announced*

our medicine bundles, taken with iPhone & applied Instagram app filter

My wee family is feeling the healing balm of Pixie's medicine bundles she left for each of us during a visit last weekend.  Pixie had asked me and Boho Boy to look at her shop and read through the medicine bundles to see which one we felt pulled to.  I chose the Bear medicine bundle and he chose the Horse.  I have had a few encounters with bears that felt surprisingly gentle and right now, in the midst of chaos, I am craving gentleness around me.  The first encounter I had with a bear was while leading a night hike in the woods of Sonora with a group of 4th and 5th graders.  We could see (and hear) a silhouette of a cub following us a few trees away and the mother protectively walking near.  The other leaders were trying to hide their fear but I remember feeling a peace about that closeness.  Almost as if the mama bear and I were communicating.  Another time was when I was staying overnight in Yosemite and my friends and I were sitting around a campfire.  A brown bear walked right through our campsite and brushed up against me and only me.  Again, I didn't feel afraid.  I felt wildly comforted by its touch.

Pixie wasn't surprised I felt drawn to the Bear medicine bundle...saying that I remind her of a nurturing mama bear, among other things.  But when Boho Boy chose the Horse bundle, I was so curious what it was that drew him to it.  He later shared with me that it was the spirit of his father that helped him decide to quit his day job and move to Washington.  His father was always so clear and adamant about his boys following their dreams and not settling for a life of material things but rather living from the heart, even if that means humble surroundings.  I think he did a lot of consulting with his father over this decision and whenever he gets afraid, he remembers what his father would say.  Since his father has passed away, we've had the birth of our son, as well as this move to a place his father would SO approve of.  I know at times like this, the grief can feel stronger than others.  But since the Horse bundle has been near Boho Boy, I have seen parts of his creative soul surface that have been put aside for a long while.  He has been inspired about getting back to woodworking and practicing much of what his father taught him.

So we are now giddily sharing ideas about furniture we'd like to make or re-finish.  Dreams of trips to yard and estate sales or flea markets and filling our home with pieces transformed by our own hands.  I have absolutely no doubt that Pixie's bundles and the love, intention and thoughtfulness she put into them have so much to do with this shifting in our hearts.  I make sure to place them in a room where we are while packing and Boho Boy plans to bring his Horse bundle with him on the road trip to Washington the first week of May.  He will be driving the moving truck for about 4 days while Cedar and I fly out to be with the family for a few days.  Then Cedar and I fly from Northern California into Seattle to meet Boho Boy and we will drive to our new home together for the first time.Cedar has a medicine bundle too...custom made...to help him through this transition.  I so encourage you to look through her shop and see if your heart pulls you towards her gift, her medicine of the earth and animal.

Now, onto last week's Sponsor GIVEaway.

To me, everyone is a winner for sharing such beautiful sentiments.  But you know how it goes.  So, here are the winners of the amazing gifts from the Guides of Serendipity Retreats. You will be contacted via email by the artist. Congrats!

Winner of Pixie Campbell’s “Call of the Wild” signed 8.5 x 11 fine art print: Martha who wrote;   “Serendipity is reading these beautiful words at just the right time – today – right now- my life is uncertain, a lot of comments that have been made are already in my heart. I am in transition and am so unsure but open and am listening to those whispers of those angels who have presented themselves to me – just as I was told that they would..my path is not clear and I am trying to live like the wolf , in the present, acutely aware, always alert to what may be presented to me – serendipity is my hope – and all these words and these posts bring it home to me and rest in my heart to show me that I am not alone on my path ….the wolf is an image that I need to remember in order to stay alive and be wild and free …”

Winner of  a signed copy of Kate Inglis’s book The Dread Crew: Renee who wrote:;  “Balance…..I can never seem to get it on purpose, or keep it…..so it is rather serendipitous to me at this point in my life…..I am torn between the rocks and The Wild….but I choose The Wild as I need to leave fear behind and move forward into my future!!! xoxo”

Winner of McCabe Russell's *Love*Listen*Trust* painted rocks: Lianne Bremer who wrote:  “Oh, how I long to be able to go to this retreat! I mean, you are my women! The wild women who are impassioned and real! I long to celebrate my innate power and beauty with all of you! Serendipity to me is when heaven and earth conspire to delight… and it happens often.  To dance with the Mermaid, pick nettles with the Pixie, and loving create wonder with all of you.. that is what I am drawn to.”

Winner of Michelle Madden Smith’s Self Care/Mommy night in Kit: Pamela G who wrote: “i was just sitting on my bed crying. crying because i’m stressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated. crying because everything seems to be going wrong. it’s been a series of unfortunate events. and no matter how many times i’ve reached out, i find nothing to grasp. . and it hurts so much inside to keep falling. i’ve barely picked myself up and made my way over to the window up here on the third floor, overlooking the street with the castle in view (a church down the road) and the tower from the fire station when i felt a light go on over my shoulder. it was my screensaver on my laptop. it turned itself off and the screen was open on my email page. realizing i had several to respond to, i just sat there, numb and overwhelmed. thought to myself, i need to read some calming words, where is the best place i can find that. so i came here, denise… and saw your most recent post. now i think that is serendipity.  i could not only use the self care kit, but a hug. someone to hold ME and tell me everything is going to be ok…”

The Tao of Packing*

pixie, cedar, me...photo by stacy

It seems I have to go back to purge piles or boxes three or four times until I am left with what I truly need or nourishes me.  Each time I come back to these piles, I find that I am in a deeper mindset of simplicity, so it is easier to lighten the load and let go of the stuff I was holding onto.  I feel like this is a metaphor for my life lately...not just with moving but with all things.  The Tao of Packing. ; )

Sponsor GIVEaway*

One of my newest sponsors that I am so thrilled to share with you is Serendipity Retreats. A comfy space for art and yoga by the sea in a beautifully intimate setting. I remember a few years back, driving down a windy road while at Squam and hearing whispers about this dreamy retreat to be and I felt a sense of calm in my bones.  It was a healing oasis for those that took part of the first retreat and it continues again this October. There are four guides at this retreat, sharing their wisdom, soul and heart. And today, here in my space, they wanted to share something with my readers. Below you will find a piece of their beautiful world that they are offering. There will be four people chosen, one for each gift.

To enter for one of these beauties, you just need to comment on this post. Tell us what serendipity means to you in your life. It can be one word or many or a story but be sure to mention which gift you feel called to.

I will announce the four winners at the beginning of next week.  Comments will be closed on Sunday evening.

Call of the Wild - signed 8.5x11 fine art print from Pixie Campbell. "Wolf answers when called. No questions asked. Leaves fear behind. Lifts strong paws and pads lightly across the earth, nose to the ground, fur up on neck, ears up, and bright eyes leading the way." A signed copy of "The Dread Crew" from Kate Inglis January Magazine calls The Dread Crew: Pirates of the Backwoods by Kate Inglis 'a spirited tale, gorgeously rendered'. It suits hooligans and adventure-seekers 8-80 years old. By October's Serendipity Retreat, the sequel will be undergoing final line edits.

"What a mess. See, wherever they go, the pirates chew up the forest, all mindless crashing with that giant woodship. All they care about is junk and they'll crush anything that gets in the way. I was just as blind to it as you until one day I tripped over a clue. And then another. What else was there to do? I became a pirate hunter. I tracked them like a thunderstorm. I collected evidence and found their trail. Then they disappeared. Then I met the weirdest girl in the world. Turns out she was their scout. Then together we stole their ship. By the time you get to the end you see it’s really just the beginning..." Love*Listen*Trust rocks from Mccabe Russell Hand painted beach stones from the magical shore of Southern California. Each rock infused with magic and love. use them to create whimsy in your everyday life. (but be careful what you wish for.) Self care/Mommy's night in kit from Michelle Madden Smith a yoga mat, a lavender-filled eye pillow, aromatherapy, a bottle of wine, and a few other yummy surprises...

boho woodland*

our new lil' woodland

I wanted to share with you a bit of the magic that is happening to our wee little family on this transitional journey. Here is part of the woodland that surrounds the new home we will be living in. Ohmygosh. I had to ask my friend and our local real estate agent to go see it, just to make sure this was for real.  The ad for this dreamy faerie home continued to come into our path, yet because it was such an awesome deal, we thought for sure something was wrong with it. Although my heart kept going back to it and we kept saying it feels too good to be true. What happened to our belief in magic? I suppose a few disappointments with hunting for a home will drain hope out of you but then I get a giddy call from my girlfriend as she pulls up, sneaks on the land and peeks into the empty home. "It's charming, its adorable, oh my god, it leads to a forest and a beach and oh my god, its an old bungalow! It has a cherry blossom tree in the front! Oh Denise, its perfect for you guys!  You can garden here!  The soil is awesome!  Oh Denise...its so CUTE.  Its magical." And my heart is racing on the other line, and I feel like I am jumping up and down with her and I am one part afraid to get my hopes up but the other part of me, the part that has driven me my whole life BELIEVES in this sort of thing.

So after many phone calls and email exchanges with our AWESOME real estate agent and the property management company, a walk through to make sure all is alright and photos sent to us and paperwork and la la la...we get the phone call.  And so my friends, we're moving in the first week of May!

Its a sweet old home built in the early 1900's with a playhouse for Cedar in the back, a garage with a darling attic that we could transform into a bohemian lair and two outbuildings for storage (or studios or workshops) with close access to a beach, as well as a trail that leads to forest and finally, off the road from a gorgeous drive a few minutes away from a part of town that we hold close to our hearts.  Everything and more that I wrote down in a list long ago as our dream home. Its happening.  Its really happening.  We feel so blessed to be able to provide Cedar with a home that his heart calls to.  A woodland for our sweet gnome to explore and a space for his imagination to thrive and earth that mama and daddy can sink their toes and fingers into.

I am envisioning bodies that feel more sprite and healed with an energy that wants to soak it all in.  I imagine misty walks with Cedar in the morning and me sitting on the shore and photographing Boho Boy and Cedar in a teeny boat in the water near the bridge to watch the trains.  I am tearing up as I write this.  This is something we were unable to create for our family in California and it broke my heart to have to move further from my family but at the same time, I know they want this for us too and it will open up a whole new world that we can all share together.  And its all a ferry boat away from British Columbia!  I cannot wait to take them there.

I see Boho Boy fishing with my daddy and bringing salmon home for dinner.  I see my sisters Darlene and Pamela and I telling stories, sitting on chairs in our yard knitting or creating with me in my studio.  I see my marmie and I digging our fingers into soil and laughing.  I see Omi cooking in our new kitchen to the classical music she adores.  I see Jon-Erik coming back with a medicine bag full of magic after a day of collecting in the woods and sea.  I see my nieces and nephews visiting for solace and calm to find themselves again in nature in the midst of their busy lives.  I see visits from dear friends and healing in their hearts.  I see Boho Boy's father up in the cosmos smiling down at his son for following his wisdom on how to live from your heart.

I see a kitchen full of jars and bottles with tinctures, potions, lotions and oils made from our land, to keep our bodies well and to help heal the bodies of those we love.  I see baskets and bowls full of fresh vegetables and fruits from our garden.

I see a husband with color back in his cheeks, finishing his book and spending hours meditating on nature in his kayak.

Most of all...I see Cedar with his bouncy curls and bare muddy chest running, leaping, dancing, singing, strumming, drumming and painting a fae-world that sees him true in a home that allows every morsel of  his BEING to BE.

A girl can dream for her family.  Yes, she can.  I should bottle my tears right now and keep them for more dream making.

toddlers + moving = crazytown.

our flower child

first time out in so long. took a drive with windows down and the wailin' jennys blaring

pretty knobs at cost plus world market. want to cover our new kitchen with these

i love him so much. he looks yummy in his gypsy wrap.

cedar eating our flu soup. recipe below.

best. swing. view. ever.

resting on a bench together

Just wanted to share some images of the last few days.

Man, moving is more stressful than I remember. There was a time when I was in my twenties that I moved every few years. But back then I was more a gypsy about it and didn't keep a lot of THINGS and didn't allow myself to get attached to the walls around me. I was joking with a friend the other day who is going through the same thing and she said sorting and packing should be illegal with a toddler. ; ) Oh my gosh. It makes a huge difference when the little one decides it is SO FUN to pull apart the pile you are working on or get into the box and pretend its a car. It is a Zen exercise in staying present and slowing down and remembering that this wee one has absolutely no concept of what we're about to really do. To him right now, our home being out of sorts is like a maze of creative play. Crazytown.

We are all feeling stronger and better. I am on the last leg of this flu and tend to go in and out of good or hard days. I know its because I am not able to rest fully. Gone are the days I can lay in bed all day when I am feeling poorly. ; ) I wanted to share our Flu Soup with you. We got it out of Real Simple magazine and added a few different touches. It heals the bod and tastes delicious! Boho Boy is a stud at making soups when I am not feeling well.

We are in the process of maybe having found our Faerie Home. We will know in the next three days. If it happens to be the one, I will let you know. House hunting is yet ANOTHER Zen exercise in not allowing yourself to get attached and to trust that if a home we fall in love with falls through, it means it was not meant for us. Moving is SUPER hard on the ego because it forces you to leg go of it completely and just surrender.

Flu Soup {we do it the quick and easy way}

1 can white kidney beans* 2 tbsp olive oil 2 cups diced onion 4 cloves garlic sliced thinly 8 oz shiitake mushrooms sliced 8 oz portobello mushrooms sliced 2 lbs butternut squash cut into 1 inch cubes 1 bay leaf 8 cups broth (we prefer turkey broth with these flavors...at Trader Joes) 1/2 bunch of kale, stems removed and leaves sliced thinly Sea Salt

Directions: Heat Oil in a large pan over a medium flame Add onions and garlic. Cook until tender (6 minutes) Transfer them to a bowl and set aside. Add some more oil and then saute the mushrooms until they are golden brow. stir them often. Put onions/garlic in a soup pot and add the mushrooms. Add the squash, bay leaf and broth. Season with pepper. Bring to a boil, then cover and let simmer for about 45 minutes, or until squash is tender. Stir in the kale about 15 minutes before soup is done. *If you want to use dried beans, go ahead...just simmer the soup for a solid hour.

Here is a cute little video we took the other day. I love the way he sings...

And this one just makes me laugh...